What was your Sean Hughes moment? (Made you finally quit)
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What was your Sean Hughes moment? (Made you finally quit)
Inspired, for want of a better word, by Dusty’s Warning thread. Sean Hughes was a British/Irish comedian who died in 2017 from alcohol-related cirrhosis. He was 51.
I wasn’t a fan or anything, but I remember him as a normal looking guy, not overweight and not an obvious drinker. I was on a bit of a downer in 2017 and was a middle-aged obese guy bored with life (and frankly boring). Not wishing to get into the labels debate, but I drank a bottle of wine a night and usually some beers. That’s not falling over drunk, but I couldn’t get out of bed in the mornings and had all sorts of pains in my stomach and right rib area on a daily basis. I was hungover when I caught it on the radio news that Sean Hughes had died at 51.
I started to cut down after that and actually joined a gym. Like most people, I thought I could cut down/moderate. To my credit, I did cut down a lot, and the weight started to pile off, but I was never ever satisfied with my reduced intake and felt I needed more. Welcome to moderation! It was a whole year before I properly saw the light and quit, so I can’t complain, but it would’ve saved a year if someone had given me the nudge that I’d crossed the line into depency and wouldn’t be able to moderate for love nor money.
Looking back, I’d always intended to “cut down” one day, but there was always an excuse not to. It was definitely the death of Sean Hughes that got me started. If I hadn’t have caught that news story at that time, I doubt I’d be dead by now, but I’d be a very sad and dull individual.
I guess that’s what’s called a Damascus moment (sorry but does anyone else now think of a criminal lawyer in loud suits when they hear the name Saul
). Anyone else had the same?
I wasn’t a fan or anything, but I remember him as a normal looking guy, not overweight and not an obvious drinker. I was on a bit of a downer in 2017 and was a middle-aged obese guy bored with life (and frankly boring). Not wishing to get into the labels debate, but I drank a bottle of wine a night and usually some beers. That’s not falling over drunk, but I couldn’t get out of bed in the mornings and had all sorts of pains in my stomach and right rib area on a daily basis. I was hungover when I caught it on the radio news that Sean Hughes had died at 51.
I started to cut down after that and actually joined a gym. Like most people, I thought I could cut down/moderate. To my credit, I did cut down a lot, and the weight started to pile off, but I was never ever satisfied with my reduced intake and felt I needed more. Welcome to moderation! It was a whole year before I properly saw the light and quit, so I can’t complain, but it would’ve saved a year if someone had given me the nudge that I’d crossed the line into depency and wouldn’t be able to moderate for love nor money.
Looking back, I’d always intended to “cut down” one day, but there was always an excuse not to. It was definitely the death of Sean Hughes that got me started. If I hadn’t have caught that news story at that time, I doubt I’d be dead by now, but I’d be a very sad and dull individual.
I guess that’s what’s called a Damascus moment (sorry but does anyone else now think of a criminal lawyer in loud suits when they hear the name Saul
). Anyone else had the same?
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I mentioned in my other thread that I met and interviewed Sean Hughes, a sort of alternative comedian guy. Irish, charming, about my age I think. I do remember him dying but had forgotten about it till Hodd recalled it.
It always sent a shiver of fear through me to hear about someone young ( 51 is young!) dying of an alcohol-related illness. I knew that I had drunk a lot of alcohol for very many years and for ages believed I must have some super amazing constitution that somehow processed all this alcohol better than other people, better than Sean Hughes. But of course, deep down I knew I didn't and that sooner or later it would catch up with me.
It took a long time and a mountain of fear and anxiety to finally pin me down and for me to have to face the fact that I had a very big problem. There was no lightbulb moment -it was more of a moment of terror.
Anyway, that moment was about 17 months ago and I am grateful and glad and thank full for the life I have now in front of me.
Oh yes, when I briefly met Sean Hughes at 28 or something, he was young, bright-eyed, slim, funny and full of life - when I looked at pictures of him before he died, you could see what alcohol had done - you can tell a drinker a mile off.
Threads like this are great for reinforcing our commitment to sobriety. Something we should do as often as we can.
It always sent a shiver of fear through me to hear about someone young ( 51 is young!) dying of an alcohol-related illness. I knew that I had drunk a lot of alcohol for very many years and for ages believed I must have some super amazing constitution that somehow processed all this alcohol better than other people, better than Sean Hughes. But of course, deep down I knew I didn't and that sooner or later it would catch up with me.
It took a long time and a mountain of fear and anxiety to finally pin me down and for me to have to face the fact that I had a very big problem. There was no lightbulb moment -it was more of a moment of terror.
Anyway, that moment was about 17 months ago and I am grateful and glad and thank full for the life I have now in front of me.
Oh yes, when I briefly met Sean Hughes at 28 or something, he was young, bright-eyed, slim, funny and full of life - when I looked at pictures of him before he died, you could see what alcohol had done - you can tell a drinker a mile off.
Threads like this are great for reinforcing our commitment to sobriety. Something we should do as often as we can.
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This is a great topic because I had been waiting for that moment for years, and it never came, even when I watched friends slowly kill themselves before my very eyes. All those instances were just affirmation that I "wasn't that bad. 'Old Fred drank a lot more than I do.'" How freaking stupid is that!!!
There was no specific moment like that for me. I've known since college that I'm an alcoholic and have always accepted it on some level, actually did kinda/sorta keep it in check. Last Sunday I just woke up, not even terribly hungover but having drunk two nights in a row (unusual for me since I know I'm an alcoholic and always gave myself a "day off" as if that would help anything) and just said, "I've had enough of this. I want to stop and stay stopped. I'm too old for this s***."
Paradoxically, I broke my pattern by drinking two nights in a row, being out with a bunch of "amateurs" on a Saturday night and realizing that this was just not fun at all anymore and that it would kill me eventually, just like it did old Fred.
There was no specific moment like that for me. I've known since college that I'm an alcoholic and have always accepted it on some level, actually did kinda/sorta keep it in check. Last Sunday I just woke up, not even terribly hungover but having drunk two nights in a row (unusual for me since I know I'm an alcoholic and always gave myself a "day off" as if that would help anything) and just said, "I've had enough of this. I want to stop and stay stopped. I'm too old for this s***."
Paradoxically, I broke my pattern by drinking two nights in a row, being out with a bunch of "amateurs" on a Saturday night and realizing that this was just not fun at all anymore and that it would kill me eventually, just like it did old Fred.
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It's hard for me to identify a moment. It was more like a slow awakening over a long period of time. Perhaps years were involved, but that so called "moment" happened about 6 months to a year before I finally quit. That moment, which was actually more like a week, was when I tried to go without drinking for awhile, and had the big "in my face" realization that I was an addicted person, not just that guy that liked to relax at the end of the day with a drink, or the guy who would start drinking to get the party on.
You can fear things like liver damage, or making an ass out of yourself around other people, and that surely makes sense, but the realization that I could not stop drinking for 3 days was an abominable sickening feeling of self betrayal knowing that my conscious ego was not in control of my life, but that I was being controlled by a stupid mindless substance that was not cunning enough to count to 10, let alone reason it's way out of a paper bag. That was a horrifying insight. I realized I was nothing but a fool and a simpleton. I'm not a perfect person, but being a fool is truly unacceptable to me.
You can fear things like liver damage, or making an ass out of yourself around other people, and that surely makes sense, but the realization that I could not stop drinking for 3 days was an abominable sickening feeling of self betrayal knowing that my conscious ego was not in control of my life, but that I was being controlled by a stupid mindless substance that was not cunning enough to count to 10, let alone reason it's way out of a paper bag. That was a horrifying insight. I realized I was nothing but a fool and a simpleton. I'm not a perfect person, but being a fool is truly unacceptable to me.
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Hi INTG 🙂 It wasn’t a binary thing. I’d been on a downer and had heard a few other news reports in the weeks and months before about the health problems caused by alcohol (which, let’s be honest, we all know anyway). It’d been dawning on me that my life was s*** and that I could change that. The news report was the last straw for me.
If you don’t mind me saying, it sounds like your drinking is out of control. You probably know it’s not something you can dip in and out of. A dieter can have the odd cake or chocolate bar with no effect, but the likes of us can’t do that with alcohol. I was amazed how much easier things became once I decided 100% to quit. Returning to drink every few days or weeks is just about the hardest way to cut down. I’d go as far to say it’s impossible. I hope you realise this and quit. I can’t think of an emptier way to cut one’s life short than alcohol.
If you don’t mind me saying, it sounds like your drinking is out of control. You probably know it’s not something you can dip in and out of. A dieter can have the odd cake or chocolate bar with no effect, but the likes of us can’t do that with alcohol. I was amazed how much easier things became once I decided 100% to quit. Returning to drink every few days or weeks is just about the hardest way to cut down. I’d go as far to say it’s impossible. I hope you realise this and quit. I can’t think of an emptier way to cut one’s life short than alcohol.
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-two hospital visits in the same weekend, both alcohol related. I had to have a friend call an ambulance. I had been drinking jim beam non-stop for 3 days and literally couldn't stop.
-I was doing at least 5-6 shots of beam in the morning in my room just to feel normal. It was horrific.
-put under suicide watch. At one point security had enough of me and placed me under restraints on the "bed".
-multiple benders and seeing the destruction afterwards
-two trips to rehab, back to back years. I've also done 3 other outpatient.
-a horrendous list of wonderful job opportunities lost due to my drug and alcohol substance abuse issues.
-major problem with cocaine and mdma. Knowing in my head that what I was doing was repulsive and deadly and I couldn't stop. The amount I did over a 48 time span, I'm lucky to be alive and not in a mental institution or dead overall.
-my dad seeing the destruction and feeling hopeless because he didn't know what to do. I was a selfish ******* and put myself and loved ones through pure hell.
-I said things that were completely inappropriate and damaged friendships.
I'm an alcoholic and addict. I have since made amends to my dad, gf, and to another friend who I felt was necessary to make an apology. All three were accepted. Since I stopped, all of my relationships have gotten better and stronger.
I fight like hell every day to make things better. I have to do things every day to make sure I don't go back to where I was. It was way past time to stop. I'm grateful and extremely lucky to be here and I try to make the most out of every day.
-I was doing at least 5-6 shots of beam in the morning in my room just to feel normal. It was horrific.
-put under suicide watch. At one point security had enough of me and placed me under restraints on the "bed".
-multiple benders and seeing the destruction afterwards
-two trips to rehab, back to back years. I've also done 3 other outpatient.
-a horrendous list of wonderful job opportunities lost due to my drug and alcohol substance abuse issues.
-major problem with cocaine and mdma. Knowing in my head that what I was doing was repulsive and deadly and I couldn't stop. The amount I did over a 48 time span, I'm lucky to be alive and not in a mental institution or dead overall.
-my dad seeing the destruction and feeling hopeless because he didn't know what to do. I was a selfish ******* and put myself and loved ones through pure hell.
-I said things that were completely inappropriate and damaged friendships.
I'm an alcoholic and addict. I have since made amends to my dad, gf, and to another friend who I felt was necessary to make an apology. All three were accepted. Since I stopped, all of my relationships have gotten better and stronger.
I fight like hell every day to make things better. I have to do things every day to make sure I don't go back to where I was. It was way past time to stop. I'm grateful and extremely lucky to be here and I try to make the most out of every day.
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For me, it was shaking like jelly on a tree in the morning, going 3-4 days without eating, consuming 50 units + per day and being told by my doc i'd be dead if I didn't stop NOW (after my liver function test results)
Just got my 4 month chip from AA. Something I'm quite proud of.
Just got my 4 month chip from AA. Something I'm quite proud of.
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Forgot to mention, it really scared me when I came so, so close to drinking the 70% hand sanitiser after I ran out. I mixed it with orange cordial in a glass and something inside kicked in and I poured it down the toilet. I came that close to necking it.
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Originally Posted by Hodd 
Hi INTG ...
If you don’t mind me saying, it sounds like your drinking is out of control. You probably know it’s not something you can dip in and out of. A dieter can have the odd cake or chocolate bar with no effect, but the likes of us can’t do that with alcohol. I was amazed how much easier things became once I decided 100% to quit. Returning to drink every few days or weeks is just about the hardest way to cut down. I’d go as far to say it’s impossible. I hope you realise this and quit. I can’t think of an emptier way to cut one’s life short than alcohol.
If you don’t mind me saying, it sounds like your drinking is out of control. You probably know it’s not something you can dip in and out of. A dieter can have the odd cake or chocolate bar with no effect, but the likes of us can’t do that with alcohol. I was amazed how much easier things became once I decided 100% to quit. Returning to drink every few days or weeks is just about the hardest way to cut down. I’d go as far to say it’s impossible. I hope you realise this and quit. I can’t think of an emptier way to cut one’s life short than alcohol.
I don't drink. Period. There is no reason to drink.
Reminding myself of that in the present tense multiple times per day helps. It's about forming new habits, including thought patterns.
I just don't drink. It's not something I do. There are a million better things to do right now. Etc.
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Nothing for me to be honest. Neither did I hit any major low nor did I in plan to stop. I just felt like enough is enough one day and have been sober for 48 weeks now. I would say the sum total of all bad experiences and increasing disgust of being addicted did it.
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Buying 2 bottles of cheap wine and apple cordial going into the public toilet and putting it into a lucozade bottle to drink on the walk home. This eventually changed to vodka as i was noticing the weight gain. How stupid is that.
Sadness and guilt, i even googled how much is to much 😅 almost 750ml of vodka a night. I already know in my head and still i looked for the excuse. I was able to function somehow but the brainfog started really getting to me, completely unable to remember something from the previous day.
I got really scared not to mention that pain under my ribs.
Like you Hodd i tried moderation but with no luck as one drink was never enough.
I had so many day one's but for whatever reason December 1st 2020 seems to have stuck.
In the end i knew myself i had to stop completely.
Sadness and guilt, i even googled how much is to much 😅 almost 750ml of vodka a night. I already know in my head and still i looked for the excuse. I was able to function somehow but the brainfog started really getting to me, completely unable to remember something from the previous day.
I got really scared not to mention that pain under my ribs.
Like you Hodd i tried moderation but with no luck as one drink was never enough.
I had so many day one's but for whatever reason December 1st 2020 seems to have stuck.
In the end i knew myself i had to stop completely.
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Originally Posted by AL48
Buying 2 bottles of cheap wine and apple cordial going into the public toilet and putting it into a lucozade bottle to drink on the walk home. This eventually changed to vodka as i was noticing the weight gain. How stupid is that.
Sadness and guilt, i even googled how much is to much 😅 almost 750ml of vodka a night. I already know in my head and still i looked for the excuse. I was able to function somehow but the brainfog started really getting to me, completely unable to remember something from the previous day.
I got really scared not to mention that pain under my ribs.
Like you Hodd i tried moderation but with no luck as one drink was never enough.
I had so many day one's but for whatever reason December 1st 2020 seems to have stuck.
In the end i knew myself i had to stop completely.
Sadness and guilt, i even googled how much is to much 😅 almost 750ml of vodka a night. I already know in my head and still i looked for the excuse. I was able to function somehow but the brainfog started really getting to me, completely unable to remember something from the previous day.
I got really scared not to mention that pain under my ribs.
Like you Hodd i tried moderation but with no luck as one drink was never enough.
I had so many day one's but for whatever reason December 1st 2020 seems to have stuck.
In the end i knew myself i had to stop completely.
One thing I also noticed about moderation is I’d often restart at a higher level that before. Usually I reverted to “normal” levels after a few days, but I fully get it why relapsers drink unacceptably large quantities. If I were to relapse (never say never), would I settle for one beer or a glass of wine? No way. It’d be a couple of bottles of wine at least.
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^ I was appalled to read on here recently that people who relapse after a long time feel a sense of anti-climax. Their previous levels of intake don’t satisfy them, so they drink more. What a nightmare scenario.
I’m pretty sure, AL, like me you crave for a drink on rare (and becoming rarer) occasions. It’s one thing to say alcohol is poison, etc., but our brain doesn’t get that and will continue to send little crave messages from time to time. Whichever fine SR member wrote the post about increased drinking amongst relapses is a star; it was a mini Sean Hughes moment for me. If we drink again, apart from all the other consequences, we’ll be disappointed.
I’m pretty sure, AL, like me you crave for a drink on rare (and becoming rarer) occasions. It’s one thing to say alcohol is poison, etc., but our brain doesn’t get that and will continue to send little crave messages from time to time. Whichever fine SR member wrote the post about increased drinking amongst relapses is a star; it was a mini Sean Hughes moment for me. If we drink again, apart from all the other consequences, we’ll be disappointed.
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I was drinking 1-1.5 handles(not sure how many ML that is?) of beam per weekend. I drank non-stop from Thursday night-Sunday morning before going into work at 1 pm. That's just liquor. I was also drinking a ton of trulys(hard seltzer) and champagne on top of that.
I also had a hardcore coke and mdma habit. I would do coke one weekend and then eat a bunch of Adderall the next weekend. I knew it was disgusting but I couldn't stop. I'm grateful and lucky I don't have to live that way anymore. It's horrifying looking back on it.
I also had a hardcore coke and mdma habit. I would do coke one weekend and then eat a bunch of Adderall the next weekend. I knew it was disgusting but I couldn't stop. I'm grateful and lucky I don't have to live that way anymore. It's horrifying looking back on it.
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I heard on a podcast how a drink driver hit a woman who was pregnant, after the baby was born it had to be put into an induced coma.
As someone who found themselves driving over the legal limit on occassion, this story sickened me to my core. It was one of many wake up calls.
As someone who found themselves driving over the legal limit on occassion, this story sickened me to my core. It was one of many wake up calls.
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^ Ouch. It all has a drip drip effect hopefully, although what a sad story 
I later had a sort of Sean Hughes epilogue (which isn’t quite the right word) when a friend of my wife’s collapsed in the pub. Follow up medical tests showed his liver had been destroyed by cirrhosis and he needed a transplant. I’m convinced I‘d had just a few years of drinking left before I ended up like that. I did have a fatty liver which is a preliminary to liver disease. This guy’s since had his liver transplant. I feel uneasy just thinking about it. Someone else died for this guy. Easy for me to say now, but I’d have been tempted to say I’d had my time, give the liver to someone with a genetic liver disease.
I later had a sort of Sean Hughes epilogue (which isn’t quite the right word) when a friend of my wife’s collapsed in the pub. Follow up medical tests showed his liver had been destroyed by cirrhosis and he needed a transplant. I’m convinced I‘d had just a few years of drinking left before I ended up like that. I did have a fatty liver which is a preliminary to liver disease. This guy’s since had his liver transplant. I feel uneasy just thinking about it. Someone else died for this guy. Easy for me to say now, but I’d have been tempted to say I’d had my time, give the liver to someone with a genetic liver disease.
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Originally Posted by Hodd
^ Ouch. It all has a drip drip effect hopefully, although what a sad story
I later had a sort of Sean Hughes epilogue (which isn’t quite the right word) when a friend of my wife’s collapsed in the pub. Follow up medical tests showed his liver had been destroyed by cirrhosis and he needed a transplant. I’m convinced I‘d had just a few years of drinking left before I ended up like that. I did have a fatty liver which is a preliminary to liver disease. This guy’s since had his liver transplant. I feel uneasy just thinking about it. Someone else died for this guy. Easy for me to say now, but I’d have been tempted to say I’d had my time, give the liver to someone with a genetic liver disease.
I later had a sort of Sean Hughes epilogue (which isn’t quite the right word) when a friend of my wife’s collapsed in the pub. Follow up medical tests showed his liver had been destroyed by cirrhosis and he needed a transplant. I’m convinced I‘d had just a few years of drinking left before I ended up like that. I did have a fatty liver which is a preliminary to liver disease. This guy’s since had his liver transplant. I feel uneasy just thinking about it. Someone else died for this guy. Easy for me to say now, but I’d have been tempted to say I’d had my time, give the liver to someone with a genetic liver disease.
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Your story reminds me of George Best. It was always going to be a story but i can still see that picture of him sitting with the glass of wine after getting the transplant. I remember the comments made, the judgement, i probably judged him myself. Who'd have thought I'd be fighting the alcohol battle myself years later😬 luckily without the liver issue. That still puzzles me how i got away with that.
Im not a football fan but he was some talent.
Im not a football fan but he was some talent.
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