Hodd

That makes me feel super uneasy too, AL. On the one hand, it shows how scary and powerful the addiction to alcohol is that George Best continued to drink after a liver transplant. The other side of course is the blatant disrespect he showed for his donor. It would consume me to know I had a new liver whilst the donor was now missing the life they should’ve had. I know a guy who’s nearly 70 who had a liver transplant (not from drinking), and he grieves daily for the donor (age 29) and the life they’re not having now. How George Best could drink after a transplant is just about the most selfish act imaginable.

AL48

Absolutely.
I had surgery 10 years ago and the poor man opposite had his legs amputated. When asked by the student doctor's while doing their rounds whats next? He told them im straight to the shop for 20 Major and a bottle of jameson .
Addiction is awful. Unfortunately i know this only too well. I Imagine the poor fella is long gone.

I feel right now ive been given a second chance, i work on it daily and i hope to not waste it.

MythOfSisyphus

I didn't really have just one single triggering event. Imagine you're out for a day hike in a big national park. The trail is marked and the weather is fine so you're just enjoying the view. The sun starts to set and you realize you maybe set out a little later than you should have and maybe you need to turn back. Hmm...that trailhead should be right up ahead, right? At some point you realize you must have missed it. You're not sure but somewhere you took a wrong turn and now you're lost. For me it like that. Not one big dramatic bolt from the blue but just that nagging understanding beginning to take hold. For a long time I told myself I didn't have a problem because I didn't [fill in the blank] like an alcoholic does. I only drink beer so I don't have a problem. Until I started drinking wine and liquor. Well, I only drink at night after work. But of course it got to where I'd sometimes wake up an need a little nip, then back to bed to sleep. I'm not a drunk since I'm not getting DUIs. Until I finally did. Most drunks have a high capacity for self delusion and an ability to deny reality and I was no exception. But eventually I just couldn't keep pretending the signs weren't obvious. So no, no single moment so much as finally just getting so beat down by alcohol that dying seemed preferable to slogging on the way I was going.

Free2bme888

Ahhh, the infamous question, why do we drink when we see people die from it, when we know we are killing ourselves? When we read posts of “warnings”, or when we post here hungover, vowing never to drink again?

We aren’t stupid, right? We aren’t. We aren’t special. We are NORMAL.

Because we’ve trained our brains, our subconscious, to think we need alcohol to survive, when in fact, it’s killing us. That subconscious is the unthinking lizard brain that stomps on the brakes in the car when we see danger and we are the passenger. We KNOW we are the passenger. We KNOW there is no brake pedal there, yet, we stomp on it. Why? Because our subconscious has learned that over thousands of times. So, what I’m saying, is, the knowledge and logic of something DOES NOT MATTER to the subconscious.

So, information helps, and it doesn’t help. We need more than horrible stories to free ourselves of addiction.

We are all different, and all the same.

Different:

1) the timeframe of when we’ve had enough (some of us, it’s never, like this actor)

2) the personal pain, trauma, or reasons why we drink

3) how long we’ve been drinking, what we’ve been drinking, how we’ve been drinking


IMHO one of the same common things we ALL have is (the SAMENESS):

1). we will quit when the pain of remaining the same is MORE than the fear of changing.

2). we need to accept that we can NEVER drink again, NEVER! (And actually DO that, I.e., ACTION, not wishing, not hoping)

3) we need to train our subconscious brain to ENJOY being sober, to learn different ways of handling stress, painful memories and situations

4) we need to practice self love, to forgive ourselves



For me, it’s a combo of things…….


I have retrained my brain, and it’s still learning. Yes, reading stories, and MUCH more).
I never drink NOW.
I came to believe the pain of changing was less than the overwhelming self destruction, self hatred, broken promises to myself, and the lies I told to others and I believed for me to keep my addiction growing.
I support others who are struggling.
I have built relationships with people who are more sober than myself.
I practice self love.
I feel the feelings, ALL of them.

Thanks Hodd, Dusty. You are some of the great long term sober persons here that help to inspire so many.

Great thread.

Hodd

I’m sure a lot of people think they’ll be ok because they’re “never sick” or have an uncle who drank x bottles a day and lived to 100.

I wasn’t in that category. I just always thought I’d “cut down” one day. I was sort of right, just 10 years later than I should have. But I’m glad I got there in the end.

Hodd

Hi Free2, nice of you to say, although I’m embarrassed as I’m just a normal boring middle-aged brit I found (almost) everyone on here inspiring. Everyone’s got a story, and we learn from the good and the bad experiences. I get quite down reading about relapses, but I applaud the honesty of those who come back to post about it. They inspire me and others.

AL48

Relapse its a word that scares me Hodd.
I did Relapse many times. It was only once that i stopped drinking and managed to put a few weeks together before now, otherwise it was only a day here and there for ten years. I'm so happy to have you all here on SR, i really dont think anyone else would understand if they haven't been through it.

Hodd

It’d be a shame, AL. You’ve got a nice life now. You wouldn’t want to go back to the old ways.

I’m banging on about this a lot lately, but the scariest part of a relapse (which I read about on SR) is the feeling of anti-climax and yearning for more alcohol than previous times. That was the nail in the coffin for my drinking days. That isn’t written down anywhere. No doc or counsellor ever says that.

We’re doing good, AL. I just hope everyone else here can steer clear of alcohol.

Hodd

and that’s the one, AL. Someone said to me recently that I’d had a lot of loss in the last three years (both parents died and divorce). I know people right now with way bigger problems, but I probably have had a dodgy three years. By pure luck and timing, I’d quit drinking eight months before the first parent died. It was no longer a reflex to reach for a bottle. Yes, I had monster cravings, but the habit had gone. If I’d relapsed during those eight months. I may have been drinking whilst everything else kicked off (including Covid which was an excuse to drink if ever there was one). No skill involved, just 25% willpower and 75% luck.

Getting that sober time is key. If, whoever forbid, you had a crisis now, AL, you’d be way better off now. Good work 👍

AL48

Yes for sure Hodd, i can't put a finger on why December 1st 2020 stuck and all those other dates didn't, it was brutal and i kept a diary this time so i will never forget those first few days and weeks. You sometimes forget the shite recovery days. I never want to, they are very important and i still look back on them but thankfully a lot less nowadays.

Hodd

Oh yes, AL. I now have big sympathy for anyone who suffers with anxiety. It’s not normally something that affects me thankfully, but it certainly was in the days and weeks after I quit. It’s a horrible feeling of dread, and at one point I thought it would become the norm for the rest of my days. I bet a lot of people relapse at that point because of that heightened anxiety. It’s quite scary if you’ve never had anxiety before, but it does dissipate in time, so it’s so important to hold out.

Sober time is becoming some sort of mantra for me, but it’s the answer to so many problems, the longer the better

Outonthetiles

February 3, 2016. A Wednesday. I'd tried everything up that point and nothing worked, but for some reason I was able to stay sober for three days and found a on line help group (that didn't work out), and I found SR by the middle of the next week and I started reading and posting, and here I am. I don't know why it finally clicked for me on Feb 3, but I'm sure glad it did. It was just a boring day in the middle of the workweek, nothing dramatic happened, but I definitely was at the end my tether and was headed for death. I didn't take any selfies with my last beer or anything like that and in fact I don't even remember what my last drink was, since I was drinking EVERYTHING.
Anyway, six years, nine months later and I'm grateful to be here, and I can't thank everyone at SR enough. Thank you, friends.

calmself

Nice unique thread! Hodd rocks as usual!

Hodd

^ Not sure about that, Calm 🤣🤣

Maybe your “Sean Hughes” (he wasn’t internationally famous) was that works party you mentioned a while ago. I remember reading about your ex-colleagues and being glad not to be them. A lot of them will have appalling medical problems in the future, and what’s worse is they seem to celebrate heavy drinking as a sign of success. I’d rather have no job at all than spend time with such misguided and irresponsible types (mind you, I don’t have much time for sober colleagues either 🤣 ), and I’m glad you’re doing so well now 👍

calmself

Thanks, Hodd. You are right, excellent point. BTW I changed jobs, but heard they partied hard last evening. Poor consulting culture.

VikingGF

The switch flipped for me when I drove myself to the ED in the midst of what I now know was daily withdrawal- I thought I was having a cardiac event of some sort- they did keep me overnight and put me on a heart monitor- but they sent a social worker over to talk to me about AA and support to stop drinking. I remember lying in the bed in the ER and thinking "I am happier in this place than I am in my own life" because I felt so out of control, so unable to help myself that it was better to have NO control- just let someone else take care of me. I had no fear, no feelings at all- I sort of just didn't care about anything- and that's when I realized I had to stop drinking or there would be nothing left of me. I still had a job, a house- but my health was in question and my relationships were lies. I was tired of lying, covering up, feeling like I was about to die- avoiding people and events, it was no life. The next day they released me and I drove myself home, I gripped the steering wheel, in tears, and decided I would do whatever I could to stop for good.