First Fervor and the "pink cloud"
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First Fervor and the "pink cloud"
Some in the recovery community talk about the "pink cloud," that state in early recovery when one feels boundless optimism, gratitude, and an almost euphoric state simply by virtue of being sober. I didn't really know about this until, in retrospect, I think it was something I went through, maybe from day 10 until about months 8-9. Not that every day was unbound happiness, but I do remember how happy I could be just by thinking "I'm sober now."
It occurred to me that there is a parallel in religious communities, that some call "first fervor," which again is a state of bliss and happiness when one is newly embracing religion. I have a friend who is the vocations director for a Benedictine community, and he says they are well aware of this. In fact, so many people apply to join in the midst of their first fervor that the community routinely tells everyone who asks to join them: think about it for a year. Go away, and come back and talk to us again after a year has gone by, and if you still want to join, then we'll tell you how.
In their case, they are used to people wanting to join them in the bliss of their first fervor, and many of these people decide, after the bliss has worn off, that they don't really want to be a Benedictine after all, and the lifetime vows of poverty and obedience just aren't for them. The community waits until the applicant's fervor has passed, hopefully to talk to the person when they are in a more durable state of mind.
I guess the parallel is that when we rededicate our lives to a cause that feels right and proper, then we naturally feel a sense of renewal and happiness. But as the months go by and we do the hard work of living, the first fervor fades, the pink cloud lifts, and underneath it's just us.
I think this is helpful to talk about for two reasons. First, the blissful state of euphoria upon a new life's dedication can be temporary. But just because it's temporary, doesn't mean the effort is bad. The cause, whether sobriety, or marriage, or religious profession, may still be a truly great cause, and we shouldn't abandon it just because our emotional homeostasis brings us back down to earth after a bit. If you are caught unawares, then when the pink cloud fades, you might question the point, you might question the process. "I thought recovery meant I was going to be euphoric all the time." None of us are euphoric all the time, life just doesn't do that. So when the first fervor dies down, that in itself doesn't impugn the process. It doesn't mean recovery isn't working. It doesn't mean recovery isn't worth it.
And the second reason to be aware of this is to sit with how wonderous it feels to rededicate ourselves. If that feeling comes from rededication to a discipline or a relationship or a way of life, then we can recapture that feeling -- or some of it anyway -- by looking at life as a series of rededications. What can I commit to today to make my future better? What adjustments to my rule of life can I make, that will make be feel better, be better, and do better things? It doesn't even have to be a fully new rule of life, it could even just be a mindful embrace of the better rule that we chose long ago. We can always be reborn.
It occurred to me that there is a parallel in religious communities, that some call "first fervor," which again is a state of bliss and happiness when one is newly embracing religion. I have a friend who is the vocations director for a Benedictine community, and he says they are well aware of this. In fact, so many people apply to join in the midst of their first fervor that the community routinely tells everyone who asks to join them: think about it for a year. Go away, and come back and talk to us again after a year has gone by, and if you still want to join, then we'll tell you how.
In their case, they are used to people wanting to join them in the bliss of their first fervor, and many of these people decide, after the bliss has worn off, that they don't really want to be a Benedictine after all, and the lifetime vows of poverty and obedience just aren't for them. The community waits until the applicant's fervor has passed, hopefully to talk to the person when they are in a more durable state of mind.
I guess the parallel is that when we rededicate our lives to a cause that feels right and proper, then we naturally feel a sense of renewal and happiness. But as the months go by and we do the hard work of living, the first fervor fades, the pink cloud lifts, and underneath it's just us.
I think this is helpful to talk about for two reasons. First, the blissful state of euphoria upon a new life's dedication can be temporary. But just because it's temporary, doesn't mean the effort is bad. The cause, whether sobriety, or marriage, or religious profession, may still be a truly great cause, and we shouldn't abandon it just because our emotional homeostasis brings us back down to earth after a bit. If you are caught unawares, then when the pink cloud fades, you might question the point, you might question the process. "I thought recovery meant I was going to be euphoric all the time." None of us are euphoric all the time, life just doesn't do that. So when the first fervor dies down, that in itself doesn't impugn the process. It doesn't mean recovery isn't working. It doesn't mean recovery isn't worth it.
And the second reason to be aware of this is to sit with how wonderous it feels to rededicate ourselves. If that feeling comes from rededication to a discipline or a relationship or a way of life, then we can recapture that feeling -- or some of it anyway -- by looking at life as a series of rededications. What can I commit to today to make my future better? What adjustments to my rule of life can I make, that will make be feel better, be better, and do better things? It doesn't even have to be a fully new rule of life, it could even just be a mindful embrace of the better rule that we chose long ago. We can always be reborn.
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
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Originally Posted by Radix
First, the blissful state of euphoria upon a new life's dedication can be temporary.
Or maintained continuously with faithful effort.
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Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,169
I had a long and delightful pink cloud. In the past I have said my pink cloud never left, but rather just became my new normal. We could justifiably debate this claim, but I believe it is at least partly true. The emotion associated with becoming a person who no longer drinks certainly quieted down to almost a trace, but that new person who no longer drinks is still there, and it brings much joy into my life. Yeah, I think the cloud is still there, but emotionally I perceive it differently. But I will admit that the thing they call the pink cloud is one heady ride. I've had many of those rides over the years, but none of them lasted that long.
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Thank you so much, Radix. That means so much, and your wisdom and posts are greatly appreciated, especially from the long side of sobriety like you have.
You inspire, caution, praise and uplift us.
😀
You inspire, caution, praise and uplift us.
😀
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 129
Incredible post, and needed right now for me as life has taken a bit of a dark turn. I am holding onto my sobriety, but my mood has been low and I feel more depressed than I have in a very long time. Something about your post really hit in just the right spot. Thank you.
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Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 701
Marvelous post.
I had a powerful pink-cloud experience with a "quit" that ultimately failed,
and essentially none with the last, successful, one.
Not that there are any conclusions to be drawn from this, is just simply
is the way it was.
I had a powerful pink-cloud experience with a "quit" that ultimately failed,
and essentially none with the last, successful, one.
Not that there are any conclusions to be drawn from this, is just simply
is the way it was.
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