I'd like to go to the AA meeting in my town tonight
 

Possibly for sociopathic reasons. Possibly just so I can tell my recovered friend I went to a meeting. Not the best reason to go, but he's my only friend and I want to have more in common with him.

But basically, they all hate me. And whenever I go, everyone puts their recovery on pause and turn their shares into passive aggressive swipes at me.

Or is that paranoia? Delusions of grandeur/reference?

People think about me a LOT less than I fear/hope. Most are very busy thinking about all of their own nonsense.

Whatever your reasons for wanting to go, I've certainly never regretted attending a meeting. I like watching people who've figured out some of the nonsense with which I'm still struggling. It's informative. It sounds like you feel this way about your friend in recovery. Good! Go!

For me AA and SR were part of the recipe to become someone I want to be. Someone who inspires my friends to their own recovery. You can be like your recovering friend, too, FF. It's not too far away.

Thinking of you today.

-TC

As Tc says most people think a lot less about me than I imagine. People will be focussed on their recovery not taking swipes at you. I hope you go to the meeting

FF, I think you should do what's the best for you, and pay little or no attention to what others think.

Thanks TC.

I used to be able to say logically "most people don't even notice me".

It's just now I have a very bad reputation. Peiple give me dirty looks in town.

I dunno. Maybe it's my imagination. Maybe most people who recognize me just think "there's your man who can't handle his drink". Not that I'm evil or anything.

You can place me firmly in the "can't handle the drink/drug" category, too, dear FF! I'm not evil. Nor are you. We're just messy in an easily definable way. Most "normal" people are messy, too, just in a "less clear" way. I'm actually quite grateful from time to time that I am an addict, as it gives me a great reason to maintain my psychologic health and self-care routine. Ha!

I worry from time to time about how I'm perceived by others. It is very human to do this.

But, I remind myself that "What others think about me is none of my business." And I have plenty of business to attend to.

I think my main reason for wanting to go is to improve my friend's perception of me though. I don't really believe it'll be helpful in terms of sobriety. Often I go into meetings comfortable being sober and leave gagging for a beer.

I just want to be able to project an image of reformed 12 stepper, so my friend will like me more.

Good to see you RAL.

I think I'll just go anyway. If it gets too much, I'll leave.

Good to see you too ff. If you get anything out of it that will be a positive step. 👍

Just looked it up and it's a step meeting. I forgot monday was a step meeting.

Hopefully they're on one of the easier steps 1-3 or the prayer and meditation step.

Way I see it is, if I'm happy in myself I couldn't give a flying **** what anyone else thinks of me. Problem is FF when you're not happy in yourself you overthink and, yes, get "paranoid" and down hearted. Once you're back on track, you won't be over fussed about what others think, or don't think, about you.

How others view me is irrelevant, it's how I view myself which is by far the most inportant

Hope this helps.

As long as you stay true to yourself you will encounter few problems.

Yeah thats helpful. Thanks.

Hi dear FF, did you go to the meeting? :)

Maybe that's one of your main problems. If things get tough, you pack up and leave. You won't get anywhere by doing that. Just my opinion. John

I used to care passionately what others thought of me, but now I don't give a hoot. I'm doing my best and if it's not good enough for them, well, that's too darn bad.

Go to the meeting and look for the similarities instead of the differences. :hug:

No. I couldn't psych myself up. But there's a lunch time meeting tomorrow.

Every time I go to a meeting, I learn things about myself. Some times I learn from what I hear. Some times I learn from my reaction to what I hear. The possibilities for me to learn are always present, it is just that sometimes the lesson are simple, other times they are abstract or transcendental in manner. If I am willing and painstakingly look for the lessons, because I want to grow and get better in my recovery, they are always there. The universe is good to me in that aspect. It provides me with opportunities. After that, it is up to me.

I got bloods done this morning and the nurses were making passive aggressive digs and letting me know they're spying on me and something bad is going to happen to me.

I can't go to the AA meeting, it'll be the same thing except an hour long.

The only people who are going to help me are my parents and my only friend. Im not going to trust anyone else.

And I'm not going back to the mental health centre again. I can live without xeplion.

Loving parents and an amazing best friend is more than a lot of people have though. I have to reeber that.