Sitia

I still want alcohol though I know it sucks. I know exactly how I'm going to feel and then I do it again. I don't get much joy when I know I'm destroying myself for less than nothing. Why has it taken me? I'm smarter than this. I know better

Dee74

Hi and welcome back Sitia

I know I'm paraphrasing someone but for me my last time was when the pain of moving on and changing, became less than the pain of standing still.

I couldn't ignore my problem anymore or the destruction it bought in its wake ...I couldn't even say I enjoyed drinking by the end at all - I just needed to drink.

If you can quit before you get to that point, it will be so much the better for you

D

kes

Hi,
I used to love getting pissed. It was great fun. I was a **** head and that turned into alcoholism, which is a TOTALLY different scenario. No fun anymore, just misery, total misery. hell on earth. Believe me, I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

Sounds to me like the fun's gone for you Sitia and the good news is you've realised it. When it's not fun, it's time to change yoiur life. Took me years to realise it. Look deep within and you can do it. I'm dry 70 days and I honestly didn't think I'd get past day one, HTG. I have an AV but I tell it, in no uncertain terms, to **** right off. I don't mince my words btw. Do the same, be strong determined and kick. As you rightly say, you're better and smarter than where you're at now.

nez

I could have written that post at one time in my life. I know those feelings and thoughts all too well. Since that dark time in my life, I have undergone some profound changes. As a result, my story today reads totally different.

What have you done so far to make things better? What is holding you back in your efforts? How can we help?

calmself

The night is darkest before dawn. Use the pent up frustration to get rid of the AV. At least that's what I am doing. It's the darn AV that is telling us to announce that we are helpless and hopeless.

Leave it alone for a while, it will roar, scare you and calm down by itself. Don't fight with it, energy draining wasted effort.

Kaily

When the fun stops the addiction starts. A need not a want. It becomes a part of your soul to drink much as you want to stop.

You have to literally go against your mind and body, it feels unnatural, it takes time. Every fibre will be begging for alcohol but you are in charge, refuse it, no matter what.

I would go walking covering mile upon mile. I would scream and pace, cry and post here. Whatever it takes. Healing takes time.

Addiction is your enemy, don't listen to its lies. Fight it, don't let it win.

Nonsensical

When you choose a different path.

Rootin' for ya!

mns1

Hi Sitia. There is a way out of the prison of addiction. And you'll find lots of help here. You can do this.

RecklessDrunk

You can only control today. Today you can only give up alcohol for today.

Play the tape foward. The next few hours after drinking or not drinking. Is a drink really going to be that good? Is not drinking really going to be that bad?

Think how quickly drinking will suck. Once you take the first drink its like your cell slamming shut and you are chained to the drink. Give freedom a chance.

Cravings go away faster than hangovers.

Anna

Sitia, you're here and you're seeking support. That's going to help a lot.

brighterday1234

Commit to sobriety and recovery. Give it 100% and treat it like starting all over again as that what it is essentially in my experience 🙏

DriGuy

As already mentioned, alcoholism gets worse as it takes hold. The fun, the diversion, and the escape stops. When you are drinking because you have to drink, you are an alcoholic, and it's hard to find you're way out. For me, the hardest thing was to stop wishing I would get better. Almost by definition, this means actually doing things, trying things, until you hit on the answers. I floundered in that state for a long time, continually getting worse, until I finally took it seriously. Why is it so hard? For me, I didn't know what to do. But when you do quit, a whole new grip on life is open to you. And it is wonderful. Sure, there are still problems. Reality doesn't change, but breaking the cycle of addiction was necessary for me to find this new way of life.

People here can help you with getting started. Most of it will be on you, but we can help you get that start. And we can help you stay the course, because it's very easy for alcoholics to lapse back into addiction, if they are not careful. We been down that road too.

Evoo

Here's what I can tell you from my experience. Every time I "quit" and relapsed, I always let alcohol have a foot in the door. Usually with thoughts like this:

• Maybe if I'm really good I'll be able to drink someday, but not for a long time.
• I still don't want to tell anyone I'm not drinking. Otherwise they'll always think of me as an alcoholic. My wife will never let me drink again, even if I can moderate someday.
• I wish I could be normal...

Literally all of this was my AV (addictive voice) talking.

To answer the question, the "last time" will only be when you decide it's for real. Don't leave yourself any outs. Tell the people closest to you. Cut it out of your life. Commit to never drinking again. Suffocate the AV and make peace with the permenance of that decision. You might find a lot of freedom in that. I have.