Em92

I don’t really have a plan. I have some things to keep busy but I’m stuck in this place of caring one day and not caring the next. I’ve quit before for years at a time but this time is a little different. I’m disabled now and basically home bound most of the time. I rarely leave the house more than once a week. I know before when I was able to quit i was at the place of really wanting to never drink again. I was determined to change and right now I’m not there. I know I have to quit. I was having gall bladder and liver problems before I ever started drinking again but now when I drink I get bad chest pain and my heart feels very uncomfortable. Sometimes beats really fast. Sometimes slow. It’s scary when it happens but after a few days I end up not caring and going back.

Dee74

I was pretty much housebound too Em.
I found that posting here every day helped work against that not caring apathy.

I'm in my 15th yr sober and I know I would not have had these years had I continued drinking.

A plan's pretty important.
Many people baulk at the idea cos it makes things that much more real and winging it seems more attractive - but things need to get real for me, ad I needed to be prepared for some tough days here and there.

What exactly is a recovery plan? (Recovery Programs & What to Expect (What We Did))

D

kes

Hi Em,

Have you ever thought about detoxing as an inpatient in a detox unit?

There's no way I could have reached it past day 1 without doing this. I was in for 10 days and given librium to stop withdrawal symptoms. The meds were reduced over the duration and on day 10 (going home day) I was on a zero dose.

Your body is no longer dependent on alcohol when you leave. It's just down to will power ,meetings, SR and,as I believe, help from the Creator.

By taking this course you don't "rattle," All the unpleasantness ow withdrawal is drastically reduced.

Just a thought EM. Hope this helps

Em92

Thanks for the link. I’ll read it when I can. I’m know it will different for me than most people since I’m not able to get out and go to meetings or do exercise but I’m sure there will be a lot that I can relate to.

Em92

Thanks Kes, I have thought about it but I’m not sure it is something I could do. I would be interested in knowing more bout what it is like. At this point I don’t think I need inpatient. I have made it 7 days a couple of times in the last several months. Withdrawal wasn’t unbearable and right now I’m on day 3 well I guess starting day 4. So as long as I don’t screw up again I should be getting over the worst of it. I do know every time I go through it it gets harder. I’ve been trying to quit for so long and have gone from drinking every day to down to maybe 2-4 days a week. There have been times that were full week plus, but for the most part I do ok till day 3 or 4 and then cave and drink a few days. Hoping being in this group will help me quit repeating the cycle and stop for good.

biminiblue

Keep reading everything and keep posting, Em.

I make a daily commitment to come to this site every morning with my coffee. It sets a tone for my day, along with prayer and staying busy. Whenever negative thoughts or any thoughts of drinking came up I countered with, "Yeah. And how would drinking solve that?"

I had to change my (wrong) idea that alcohol was a solution.

travelbug

Thank you, I needed to read this! I want today to be day 1 for me

Em92

travelbug I get it! It is so incredibly hard. Those first few days in particular. I’m on day 4. I don’t have a lot of those. Quite a few day3’s but not many 4’s. I’m so thankful for all the support. Day 2 was the hardest for me this time. But yesterday wasn’t too bad. I know every day will be different and I know I need more of a plan. We can do this. Together.

Em92

biminiblue thank you I need to remember to say that to myself. Yesterday was not too bad but I couldn’t sleep last night and those thoughts started coming. Like , if you just take a little break you can have a drink in a week or two. I know not to believe it. I’ve fallen for that lie so many times and always regret it. Today is the day I usually cave. But I am determined to make it this time. I tired of feeling like crap. I was thinking last night I felt better when I was drinking every day. As long as I remembered to drink plenty of water I didn’t have a hangover. But the last few weeks even if I had plenty of water the next day was horrible. Even drinking in the morning to stop the aching and shaking didn’t help much.
I have one friend who has been very supportive. She’s almost like a mother figure in some ways. She has been helping me since about March or April. At first I had to drink every day. There were rare days that I didn’t drink but even then I wasn’t drinking as much at a time as the last few months. She has helped me so much and been there through every screw up but recently it feels like she, not has given up, but that she doesn’t know what else to say and feels she isn’t helping. I keep telling her that she is helping so much and a big part of why I’m not drinking every day. Even though I’m not doing great I am a little better. I told her yesterday this is the first month that I didn’t drink more days than I did drink. She didn’t really comment on that. I’m just worried I’ll lose the only support I really have in real life. I know she won’t leave me completely. Just worried if something doesn’t change she will get tired of the never ending cycle of drinking, trying to quit , giving in over and over.
anyway I’m rambling. Only slept a couple hours. Just hoping and praying this time is different.

Anna

Em, I used to believe I could drink normally after several sober days and I fell for it way too many times. Getting through Day 4 is great and you should be through physical withdrawals in a day or so. I found that when I decided that drinking would not be an option, ever, I began to come up with healthy ways to deal with life. Keep reading and posting and know that you can do this.

biminiblue

The best way for you to get well and for your friend to have a friend she deserves is for you to not pick up that first drink ever again.

It's a much better life, Em, once you get past the first couple months.

Canadian Koala

Keep the good work!

mns1

By the time I stopped Em there was nothing I could do to prevent or remedy the hangovers. No amount of water, caffeine, vitamins -- nothing -- made me feel any better. Even worse, I wasn't even sleeping through the night. I would wake up around 3 AM and not be able to go back to sleep. It was nothing short of a living nightmare.

You're doing great. Stay the course. It will be so worth it.

Em92

Thank you Anna. I know you are right. I woke up today with a sore throat so I’m wondering if I’m coming down with something. Not as shaky or nauseous so that’s great.

bimini yes. She deserves so much more. I can’t remember what all I’ve said on here but I was sober for almost six years before this latest fall. She was one who helped me get sober last time. She was so happy for me then. She does understand the extreme physical pain I am in and knows how much I struggle with it. But I know she was shocked and hurt when I told her I started drinking again.

Canadian Koala. I love it. Thanks for the encouragement.

mns1 that’s how it has been for me the last several months. I go to sleep around 2 or 3 am and sleep till maybe 6. I wake up extremely ill. Aching. Feeling it like I’m going crazy. Can’t sit still. Legs on fire. Then I would drink enough to make it stop and be able to sleep a couple more hours. Sometimes I would do that two or theee times before I finally got up. It is horrible and one of the reasons I know I have to quit. Also I wake up with intense chest/heart pain. Sometimes my heart is racing. Sometimes it is beating slow but still hurting. It is very scary when that happens and I’m afraid I will have a heart attack.

VikingGF

Em, I've started over so many times, I can't even count. But, then comes the last day one- and that's what's important. I used SR as my primary support- no outside meetings and I feel very strong in my recovery. Once I realized that drinking was not something I could do, life got a bit easier, and the longer I did that, the better I felt and then it was kind of a no-brainer. It was not always easy, but you've done it before- you can do it again- this time, come here if you feel like you must drink, and ask for help. Congrats on day 4.

Em92

Massive craving out of no where. It hasn’t been bad since day 2. Earlier today was a little hard but nothing like this. Freaked out by it.

Dee74

Try not to freak out too much Cravings are a normal part of almost everyone's early recovery journey.
Here are some tools and tips that may help

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-cravings.html (CarolD's tips for cravings)

The most important thing to remember is you are not alone - there's support here

D

Hevyn

Very proud of you for making it to day 4, Em. It's rough going at first - but better days are coming.

Em92

Thank you Dee and Hevyn. I ate half a bag of goldfish and feeling a little better. Nope the best way to cope I guess.
when cravings hit is it ok to start a new thread asking for help? I’m not sure how all this works and I haven’t seen anything like that yet.
I have caved so many times when it gets hard. I’m usually up really late and that’s some of the hardest times but from what I’ve seen the past couple days there aren’t many people on late at night.

Dee74

You can start as many new threads as you need, Em

D