MrPL

Hard. Don’t underestimate it man, if you can just not do it, and just not buy drinks then that’s great, it’s all it takes, but you’ll probably need to consider a few life changes as well (I mean, you should anyway, not being hammered all the time opens up some cool
possibilities!).

Duke NOTpissed

Kes / Kerrew & others... I am still here on day 4 and there is no plans to go back to the beer... appreciate the feed back, just what i need.
I could sneak a few.... I still have some in my garage, put I am planning on getting rid of them this weekend.

I decided to add some hummer to the conversation as I do not want to blame my wife for this situation, she gave me every opportunity to try and make this drinking life work. Unfortunately we know how it creeps and ends badly.

I only have to think of all the stupid things I have done pissed to know this is the correct path.

So what is my plan..reading lots of 1yr stories, reading lots of ways to assemble a sober plan. Just getting up and going to bed sober.
That is my plan...

Today is day 4... I have a very heavy head.. like a hangover but more like a weight sitting on my head. There is no happiness this morning... but I did not snap at anyone so thats good. Sleeping was bad, i was up half the night online....I have to say sitting at work typing this does make me feel better. So there you go.

The friend I told yesterday is a good drinking mate, we have drunk thousands of beers together over the years. Hes got it good, he gets to drink every night as he lives alone does not own a house or have any assets other than his car. It is a nice car.... He does not open his first beer until 5pm and always cooks himself dinner. How good is that....!

I would not be able to wait until 5pm... more like 3pm if i am home early from work. I am actually a very good cook, but cooking for one is not worth it... and after beers I actually would not bother. I was drinking with this mate on Saturday when those dam shooters where forced down our throats ... basically the reason for my fall from grave and the end to a long successful drink career... Another friend took me home, do not remember getting home but my good mate got to continued to enjoy his cold beers... But that is where his good night ended.. He fell in to a ditch having a leak, got a black eye and bruised his ribs and slept in his car and drove home under the influence at 7:30am.. he is 55yrs old.

Thats the reason I described to go home early.. trying not to get too munted so i could prove to my good wife I can go out and come home after an evening drinking with friends... she told me not to go LOL.

So I will end day 4 not drinking... not a chance this will change.
Happy sober day everyone..

Ahh after typing that I do feel better!

mns1

Sounds miserable to me Duke. You however... You get to be sober every night. That sounds fantastic. Keep it up my friend.

Duke NOTpissed

Yes - agree.. it does not sound that great, a lonely life, drinking on his own....it is not where I want to be... !!!
Us humans are pack animals - we need people around us, we need our family's..!

Obladi

Hey NOT, I'm glad you've decided to join us on the sober train.

I quoted the above because I think you're partway there, but need to see the gravity of this situation and take firm action now. This might sound like a lecture, but it's not - consider it a flashing danger signal being sent out by someone who has been in your shoes, and worse. You don't seem to be taking in the gentle input from others, so this is my best impersonation of a panic alarm.

• If there are beers in your garage, you need to dump them now. What is the reason to wait until the weekend? I'll tell you what - it's your addiction trying to keep a foot in the door. Don't let it!
• Getting up sober and getting to bed sober is a really good plan, but it will only hold until you decide to change your mind for "just this one time" because "it won't be so bad." Add "staying sober No Matter What" to that plan and you've got a little more oomph going. Figure out what you're going to actually do with yourself when the craving is unbearable or unbeatable - then you will have a much more solid plan.
• You've made the point a couple of times that you wouldn't have gotten in trouble if you hadn't had shots forced on you. Wrong. You were in trouble as soon as you decided to go out drinking with your mates and especially (!!) when your wife asked you not to go. You were in trouble as soon as that first drop of beer hit your lips. It wasn't the shots that did you in - it was the decision to drink anything at all. It's no different for you than it is for anyone else who has this blasted affliction, myself included. Take the first drink and it's all over. Maybe not today, but very soon, and Every Single Time.
• I think maybe you are using LOL ironically, laughing at yourself. But this situation is dead serious, man. It's not a laughing matter and you are not going to get sober by belittling yourself or the situation.

Also and p.s., I caught your reference to "alcoholic beers" being the problem. I think any beers, alcoholic or not, are probably a bad choice for you at this time. The 'non-alcoholic' kind do have a bit of alcohol and also you carry the risk of feeling the same way you feel with light beers - "This isn't cutting it - I'm gonna have just one of the real deals." Nope, no sirree Bob. Time to shut it down on all of those happy alcohol receptors, fake or real. Just a little bit won't do ya.

Keep it going, man.
It's not easy, by a long shot, but it is So Worth It.

O

Duke NOTpissed

Obladi - well said and I totally agree.
We have been for a walk today and are at home now cooking dinner... I have the cloud of doom again and my head feels terrible.
I have had a couple of clear headed moments today, but it beer time and my body knows it...had an ice-cream.. the sugar felt good and I notice my body respond to it!

Still need to tip out the beer in my garage.. I just do not feel like doing it...I have not even set foot in my shed... my most favorite place in the world.. or it was.

As said....
Also and p.s., I caught your reference to "alcoholic beers" being the problem. I think any beers, alcoholic or not, are probably a bad choice for you at this time. The 'non-alcoholic' kind do have a bit of alcohol and also you carry the risk of feeling the same way you feel with light beers - "This isn't cutting it - I'm gonna have just one of the real deals." Nope, no sirree Bob. Time to shut it down on all of those happy alcohol receptors, fake or real. Just a little bit won't do ya.

Going to Keep that AV under control. .I think I am struggling with... what no beer again, no fun... WTF.

But I only need to read what I have written, and think about what I have read... I actually think I will like being sober...it just the change and belive me I do not like change.
Married 22yrs.. been in my job 22yrs... yep.. me and change... noooooo

Duke NOTpissed

Struggling today - thanks Clay.

I feel depressed.. and have no batteries.. I am a bit ADHD.. add alcohol I am and like a energizer battery, now I am feeling the shadow of gloom and tired. Not my normal happy go for it person.. I feel like saying F-it to the wife, do your best it not worth the effort. Because at the moment it does not feel worth the effort. I was actually happy, except for the black out bits, but hey I do not remember them so - you know what's it matter. After all none of this is my fault, why is the world picking on me... it was my mate and those shooters.. his fault.. and then the wife getting upset over nothing.. just a bit of snoring. Even then she did not have to listen to it as she slept in the spare room!!!
See a lot of fuss over nothing...

Even writing this makes me laugh... telling the world to go F-it self.. so Romantic... then head out to my shed, open a nice cold beer and work on my motorcycles. That feeling of the booze flowing through my veins ... that happy glow.. the music is playing the bikes are so cool.. prefect.

Then a mate comes over or the wife goes out and then its "off the the races we go" (my favorite saying at the moment)... fall over - A&E... embarrassment OH no not again.
This is the reality.

So here I am on day 5 - still have AV Witten on my hand.. I actually felt happy and proud when I went to bed last night. Sleep was crap and feel stink today.. but today will be a good AF day!!!

Thanks to everyone for your advice and comments yes I like them all and appreciate the honesty!
cheers
Duke!

Dee74

It’s not easy especially in the early days, Duke….lots of the 3motional rollercoaster as mind and body heals…but it gets better

I wasn’t sure back in the day here when people he told me that, but I decided to trust them - what did I had to lose but a miserable life?

It may not seem worth it now but it will be, man

Hodd

Withdrawal sucks. No one’s immune, but it’s the clearest demonstration out there that alcohol’s got someone by the balls. You’re way better off shot if it forever, Duke. It’s going to take a few more more days to feel normal.

One thing I’ve noticed with some sadness from reading this site is how much harder quitting becomes for those who relapse a number of times. I believe this is called kindling, and it sounds a scary prospect. It’s worth beating in mind.

Well done on day 5.

Hevyn

Duke - I'm so glad you're posting your thoughts & acknowledging all the ups & downs. I was the same in the early days of quitting. All over the place emotionally - sorry for myself at times, proud of myself at other times. Determined, then doubtful. Excited for my new life, then sad that the old one was over. In my case, I had to stick with it and get free. I was going to lose my life - I'd been drinking for decades, & in the end it was every day. Gradually, the resentment & frustration I felt began to ease up. A bit of joy & hope for the future started to penetrate my moodiness. I began to feel grateful to be free of it. You will get there. It won't stay like this forever - we promise.

Dee74

its the pedant in me I know but a strict medical definition of alcoholic kindling refers to withdrawals getting worse.
I've no doubt kindling's a factor, but I'd blame addiction and increasing dependency as other factors too in explaining why it gets harder to quit?

D

RecklessDrunk

If someone knows they have a peanut allergy and they eat peanuts its not their fault that they have a peanut allergy. It is their fault that they ate the peanuts. They still have to deal with the consequences of eating the peanuts.


When thinking of drinking try to fast foward through the first few drinks and right to the misery of getting up the next day.

Duke NOTpissed

Well people its 10:30pm Thursday night... made it. Only thought about drinking from 3pm until 10:30pm.
Not bad... its not like I had anything else to do.. OMG.
I used to call Thursday... "Thirsty Thursday"... tomorrow is Friday... this is going to suck!
See you all tomorrow.
Thanks for the help!

novips

I could not stay sober till I fully committed to the recovery program of Alcoholics Anonymous. Perhaps you can stay sober without A.A., but I can't. If it turns out you are like me, I hope you don't have to lose it all to figure that out.

SoberLeigh

Stick with it and us, NOT. Sobriety and recovery are exponentially worth every single second you put into it, no matter how difficult.

The roller coaster ride can be a bit of a wild one with many ups, downs, twists and turns - emotionally, psychologically and physically. Don’t get discouraged; with time, things will get much better.

Hawkeye13

You need to get some new alcohol-free plans and activities going for yourself for this to work over time Duke. Boredom during former drinking times is courting disaster, and it doesn’t sound like your wife is going to ignore another relapse for any reason.

What about joining a gym, taking a walk or hike, going to a move, starting back with an old hobby or getting a new one? Drinking took up an incredible amount of my time and energy—so much so I was at a loss at first with all the time I suddenly had to get things done or get into mischief.

zenithboy88

Hi Duke,
. I'm fairly new here too.
I just took a sharpie and wrote AV on my hand. You mentioned that further up the post. Good reminder.
Btw lots of good advice here. I agree with Hawkeye. It's good to keep busy somehow.
I know how it is tho, a daily struggle in beginning.
Best of luckWe will make it

Duke NOTpissed

Hi Zen - welcome to the journey... grab a seat and hang on ..
Lots of good advice here from some very knowledgeable people.
AV - on the hand !!! yea

Hawkeye is on the money!

Duke NOTpissed

End of day 6.. wow I survived a Friday night.
The wife even had a beer before dinner... me a redbull.

I am going to enjoy waking up on Saturday..!

biminiblue

Good job!

In time you'll learn to ignore the drinking thoughts. They're a major annoyance in early days, but they're only thoughts and they do ease up as healing goes forward. 99% of my obsessive thinking was actually caused by alcohol effects on the brain. It takes some time...for me many months.

Stay busy!