overforty

I just wanted to write it down so I can come back to it if I'm tempted.
I believe I have reached my rock bottom.
Who knows how many restarts I've had over the last 20yrs or so - but this time it happened quietly with no one around to disappoint because there isn't anyone anymore.
There's been no chaos or drama or even the odd fun time there's literally been nothing
Just passing out every night on my own.
I have the odd day off - but they're rare and I always need to run away from the feelings that come up - so I drink again.
I no longer work or have friends or family I see and my anxiety keeps me at home most of the time - I just realised I haven't spoken to a single soul face to face for a week today.
It's very sad and I want to build a life but don't know where to start.
Anyway I'm going to stop rambling and share that this is day 3 and I feel dreadful but OK physically - Ive been lurking around these forums for years so I'm going to try and participate more.

Chevy123

Congratulations on day 3 OF 😁 👍

Anna

Day 3 is great! I think posting and reading here will be helpful to you in your journey.

Dee74

welcome back overforty

I think rebuilding starts after a decision to put the bottle down?

D

Bubovski

Keep lurking, keep trying, keep building------I know how you feel yet I am still trying ....(very trying some would say)

RecklessDrunk

As long you have a desire to stop drinking AA has to take you.

Unless you show up drunk or something crazy.

It's a lonely disease. Many of us used alcohol to be able to connect with people. Then slowly but surely alcohol separated us from people. Not all of us but many of us. Even some that drink in bars in middle age can find themselves all alone in a crowded bar.

AA at least would be some place to be and they not only pretty much have to take you, they want to take you. Its what makes the program work. Its a place you can go at least for now, for a night. You can be with people that you will likely have something in common with. It should be a step in the happier direction.

VikingGF

Good work on day 3. Do stay here, you will feel connected quickly. Lots of us have tried for years, you can be successful!

Hevyn

It's so good to see you posting, overforty. 3 days is wonderful. You'll grow stronger as you rebuild your sober life.

Hawkeye13

You’re already started—the beginning of the journey is difficult, but the destination so worth it.
I also had totally isolated and drank at home. It was very bleak, quiet, and lonely because my spouse also drank like that and we lived in our sad parallel worlds.

Rebuilding took time, but life has become so much richer, I have built up friendships old and new, and am starting to engage socially again. Small steps and planning are how I improved things.

You can do it and yes, posting here regularly really helps as part of your recovery plan. Glad you are here!

Mizz

A lot of us have had this struggle. I struggled with my own active addiction for over a decade. Probably longer the more I think about it, and the more sober time I have to think about it. Its a normal process for us. Its the rare person who gets sober on the first try. Its good you are here and are trying. 3 days is outstanding.

You can build your life into anything you would like. One day and one step at a time.

Believe in your abilities to change your life, mind, emotions.....Believe in yourself. You got this. We are here for you.

SouthernSober

Welcome. Keep coming back.

Time2bfree

Welcome Overforty. Congrats on day 3. I can relate to a lot of what you are going through. I spent years drinking alone and passing out each night, not remembering good portions of my nights. I isolated myself in order to be alone with the bottle. It was a very lonely life that I no longer want. Although new to sobriety and sometimes struggling to stay a float, my desire and need for change keeps me moving forward. I know that better and healthier days are ahead. They will be for you as well. Glad you are here.

Hodd

We all had false starts quitting, OF. You need to do something radically different. If you get bored in the evenings and the default is to go out and buy alcohol, you need to address the boredom issue first.

I’d be equally concerned about the lack of social contact. I know too well how hard it is to do new stuff. Any group activity will have cliques and my pet peeve of married couples who do absolutely everything together, but I reckon solitude is as bad as alcoholism. Are there any volunteering options, for example, in your area? That might solve the boredom issue, and you’d meet people too.

mns1

As you can see you're not alone overforty. You can do this.

DriGuy

Welcome back. If you have been lurking around the forum for years, you have a good idea of what you need to do and what you can't do. Now, it's a matter of turning it all into action. You may also have an idea of how this is done from years of lurking, but maybe not because much of that is an internal matter, which requires more effort than intellectual understanding... for me, anyway.

overforty

Thankyou for all your replies ❤
There is such wonderful support here.
A lot of what was said makes sense - I definitely need to address the boredom - especially in the evening.
My anxiety won't allow me to attend groups etc .. The very thought of it makes me need a drink!
But I'm going to look at some online support maybe.
Making new friends as an adult is so difficult especially for an introvert like me - I was thinking about joining a gym as I have around 30 lbs to lose - and I would love to concentrate on my health over all now.
Watching the scale go down gives me added inspiration.
I haven't been able to eat much over the last days and Ive lost 5lbs already which is great!
But I'm feeling a bit better now on day 5 and am craving sugar.
Does anyone have any suggestions how to stop that - I'll be the size of a house otherwise!
But I guess it's better than drinking right.
I remember joining this forum shortly after my 41st birthday - hence the name.
I had moved back to England after a year in Berlin and I was just broken.
My drinking was out of control I was smoking a lot of weed and I had nowhere to live and no job etc ..
I remember within a few weeks of being sober I secured a job and a place to live - they were both terrible but I had money coming in at least.
then after about a month I spiraled back into 2 bottles of wine every night.
I'm 47 now and I'm at the blacking out stage.
I've had enough!
Anyway sorry for the long post - it doesn't matter if anyone reads it - it's just nice to get it out.I'm grateful for all of you and this forum x

Hodd

Hey, OF, I joined a gym, got a trainer and lost 20kg (40 pounds) in a year. Despite what experts say, it’s still off 3 years later (no drinking is the main factor). Plenty of gyms about. Find one that’s close and works for you. Needless to say my confidence hit the roof. I’m older than you, so you can still do this. 🙂

Hodd

A couple of suggestions which worked for me.

1) Keep a food diary. Record everything you eat or drink for a few days, even a cup of tea with milk or an apple. Then calculate the calories and estimate the amount of sugar you’ve taken it. It’s a bit depressing 🙂 but it’ll make you think hard about what/what not to eat. We’re only supposed to eat 30 grams of sugar a day, and I disagree that sugar from fruit is OK. That must be kept down too.

2) If you do join a gym and I hope you do, you’ll use machines which estimate calories burned. That’s a huge motivator. If you’ve just burned 200 calories on a treadmill (which could take 30 minutes), you’ll think twice about a few biscuits or some chocolate which will easily negate all that effort.

Way off topic, but we do need to be as careful with sugar (and carbs which turn into glucose) as much as saturated fat and all that.

To be honest, OF, you need to get out there and do something. I’ve singled out the gym, not because I find it very interesting or socially active, but the results have given me confidence to do so many other things.

MrPL

Hi OF,

Well done for deciding to be more active about your recovery.

I think there are two types of action everyone needs.

First, you need a plan to not drink when the urges come, which they probably will. This can be posting here, exercising, going to meetings (I know you seem anxious about it, but could this be your addiction talking? Maybe an online meeting?), but really the most important thing is for you to really be clear that you do not drink anymore, whatever life throws at you. So whatever gets that thought in.

Second, we often need to tidy up the mess we made while drinking actively. This can be linked to health, money, relationships, anything. It’s more complicated, takes more time, and can only happen if the first part is sorted.

Keep focused, and take actions one step at a time, results will follow.

Duke NOTpissed

Hi Overforty - day 2 here, I have been here many times but this time I have to make it work.
I am happy to keep posting with you as we can support each other... me I am 52, the longest I have had off the beers in one stint is 11 days in 32 years. Usually just a Monday and some time a Tuesday if the weekend is big!

Boredom, yep that is my issue I love to do stuff when drinking beer in my shed!
It does not seem as much fun without the beer.

What hobbies do you like? I have started a fish tank, so much to learn.
cheers Duke