Tinkerbeau

I'm so upset to be writing this, i was 2 years 4 months sober, life was good. But this week i have relapsed badly. I knew it was going to happen thats the worst of it. I'd recently started dating a work colleague, i liked him i was hopeful for a relationship. But he pulled away said just wanted casual and its floored me. Relationship failures were always my trigger. So stupidly i drank as i couldn't think straight. So here i am ill and depressed and back to day one. I've let myself and my son down I'm heartbroken.

dustyfox

Hi Tinkerbeau - so sorry that your struggling right now - but your relapse is just that , a relapse, not a life sentence!
You already know you can do sobriety so that's a great comfort.
Post here, re-join your journey into the sober life you have so wonderfully built for you and your son.

Tinkerbeau

Thank you, I'm just so scared i won't be able to do it again. I hate alcohol i feel dreadful i just want to feel better again.

DriGuy

I'm afraid, or was at one time, that I may not have the courage to get through those early recovery cravings again, but then I'm afraid of a lot of things, some without much justification. If I did relapse, I'd sure try to sober up again.

It probably makes more sense to fear the triggers than to fear the cure. And failed relationships can be a trigger, but they don't have to be. I wish I had a nickel for every failed relationship I've had, and the thing is that in retrospect, most of those failures prevented me from making even bigger mistakes. I don't remember the hurt anymore, and I don't carry any grievance either. I do remember the good times fondly. Failed relationships happen all the time. We can't control that. But we can control the choices we make about alcohol. That's where our power lies.

I think, as always, you will feel better when you are not drinking. As they say... all the time for that matter... drinking only makes things worse. You don't need to punish yourself for a failed relationship.

Tinkerbeau

Thank you for your kind words. I'm going to beat this I'm not drinking again. And yes as hard as this week has been, i guess i can learn and be stronger for it. I wasn't ready to open my heart again and unfortunately this is the outcome. It will be hard as i work with him so will be awkward. But being sober and being a good parent is my priority.

kes

Hi
You made a wrong turning on your journey and got a little lost on the way, that's all. Spin the car round and set off again. You'll get to your destination. You've already been there so know the way. Just a momentary lapse of reason, nothing more.

.Do NOT be harsh on yourself. You've done f*****g amazing. I'm 61 days dry, God if I could make it past two years I'd be so, so ,so proud! Alcoholism is the hardest thing a person will ever face in their life, remember that.

All the very best tinker, Kes

Tinkerbeau

Thank you, I'm just so disappointed in myself, I'd done so well and was proud of myself, can't believe I've thrown it all away. But i will beat it for good this time. Just hope i feel better soon.

Anna

Tinker, I'm sorry about the relapse. But, right now, you sound strong and motivated. Yes, absolutely you can do this. You have lots of sober time and you know what to do. And, we're all here for you.

Tinkerbeau

Thank you. Yes i just want my sober life back, not this wreck i am right now. I feel so ill it's horrendous to do this to myself. I'm heartbroken i let my so down. We are going on holiday on Thursday, just hope I can pull myself together by then. I will not drink ever

Hodd

Hi TB, sorry about the break up and the relapse. From what you’ve said, it was a one-off drink(s)? A lot of people relapse for weeks with staggering quantities, but it sounds like you’ve nipped this in the bud. It must be devastating to relapse after 2+ years, but this sounds more of a blip than anything longer term. Move on 🙂

Tinkerbeau

Thanks, i drank 4 days out of last week. Saturday, Sunday, thursday and friday. Too much each time. I've made myself ill. And Inbetween my mood has been terrible, so low and just couldn't think straight. I felt like i was having a breakdown. I just really wanted to be loved, so silly that I've hurt myself by letting someone hurt me. I hope i feel better tomorrow

Mizz

You can get back on track. Coming here and having support is essential. I am sorry for what happened. You are aware and know that drinking is not the solution. Let this be a blip in time. Nothing more. Move forward with your sobriety and know your heart will heal. As painful as it is, your heart will heal from this. We are here for you.

Tinkerbeau

Thank you, i feel so grateful for your kindness

Oglsby

You can pick yourself right back up. That is a TON of sober time, and a relapse, as dusty said, is NOT a life sentence. Just go back to what you know and please, if you have any alcohol around, pour it out. We are here for you. So brave for you to post. We have your back! HUGS!!

aasharon90

I'm glad that you returned and now ready to move
forward learning how to build a strong recovery
foundation and defense against people, places
and things in our daily life that can ruffle our feathers
and try to take us down or destroy what we work so
hard to achieve serenity, peace of mind and sobriety.

I learned that isn't the amount of sobriety ones
has, but is the quality of it that counts.

Stay in the day or moment and make each day
count.

Tinkerbeau

Thanks again. I poured out what was left this morning no desire to drink again. Feel very down and obviously hungover. Just want my life back.

Kerrew

Hi tinkerbell, you have not failed, you have 2 years and 4months of sobriety under your belt, one day one slip does not wipe that all away, get back on track and tske it for what it is…a blip, and carrynon all that hard work

nez

We can all relate. Look in the mirror and make sure that person treats you in a loving manner, because drinking doesn't qualify, but you already know that. You are a human and we falter at times. You didn't act out of meanness or spite, you were hurt. Develop healthier ways to respond to hurt. Use your parenting skills on your inner child when she gets hurt. Guide her to heal and grow.

Mizz

Luckily, your little detour didn't take you too far away from the sober road. All is not lost here. The sober time you acquired is still yours. Your life is still yours. This is not a failure at all. I hope you will be able to reframe the way you think about your life and sobriety. Its not necessarily a reset and that you are back at day one. This is a lifelong process, and one that we all learn from as we go along. Hugs. Lots of hugs. Move forward with positivity knowing you got off the drunk train and are getting back on track. You got this!

SoberLeigh

(((Tinkerbeau))). It is going to be all right. You are here with people who care.

Your two years and four months - they are YOUR sober days; they cannot be taken from you. Be proud of them; they are your absolute proof that you can remain forever sober.

Move forward into sobriety with the strength and determination you so obviously possess.