mns1

I dated a co-worker once at an old job Tinkerbeau. It ended up not working out and did make things awkward for a while a work. But I just took it in stride and things got less awkward and we actually remained friends. It is a tricky situation though and tough to navigate but it sounds like you're starting to put in perspective. Love yourself first and the right person will eventually come along. You're doing great.

Tinkerbeau

Morning everyone. Day 3 didnt sleep good took half night to get to sleep. Have woke up soaked through with sweat, horrible sorry. Hoping today will be better had terrible panics last night and upset over not hearing from the person I was dating. Am trying to get my head to be more level and hoping maybe we can sort it out ? But unless he reaches out to me, don't think I have heart to reach out to him

aasharon90

There are many lessons learned and continue to
learn while living a recovery life. One being that
there will be things restored back to us that we once
thought or figured lost.

Relationships, money, families, jobs, self worth,
and so much more.

It was explained to me that I needed to work on
my recovery first and foremost before taking on
bigger issues in my life.

Everyone's situation is different, so i'm using me
as an example. When i entered recovery, i was
married 7 yrs with 2 little toddlers. A stay at home
mom and husband working full time and going
for a degree in college.

There were responsibilities I needed to step up
to the plate for which was recovery and family.

If I didnt learn how to remian sober then I wouldnt
have a family or a life. So finding balance between
the 2 was extremely important if i want to keep both
of them.

And I did.

Relationships are no different. It will take getting
some solid recovery, sober time, knowing that alcohol
is out of the equation for good and replacing it with
new tools to live by. A recovery guideline and support.

Then you can add a boyfriend to the equation. Or
if its a packing up and moving elsewhere, or starting
a new job.

Any of those few things require total sober focus because
they tug at any and all of our emotions. Mentally, emotionally,
physically.

Learning how to remain sober is a tall order and requires
all your attention. Having to think and worry about many
of lifes other problems will take away or interfere, or distract
with what is top priority. Staying sober and building a strong
defense against addiction that will always be lurking and
tempting to take us down.

Focus on you and what is top priority and all the other
wonderful things ahead of you will fall into place if it be.

Tinkerbeau

I think thats what hurting the most, i did the work I got sober for 2 years 4 months and was single. So then when someone came along I thought I was finally getting my happy ending.
now i just feel devastated as got to start all over, and i dont know why im not enough, why I dont deserve love, why im not good enough even sober.

Mizz

None of the above it true about you. Feeling devastated may be true, but I'm taking the rest of it and throwing it in the garbage.

You are not starting over. Its not like the 2 years and 4 months disappeared somewhere. You were sober for two years and 4 months, and then you had one week of a setback. That setback has shown you something about yourself and your emotions. Its something you are learning from. You are good enough. You do deserve love. You are good enough sober. You have always been good enough. Always.

As hurt as you are, and I know you are hurt, take this moment and know that you were presented with a challenge. A challenge to be overcome and not to be defeated. I would not take all the hard work and throw it away. This coworker is not worth losing yourself over. Its okay to feel your feelings and to get it all out. Its not okay to beat yourself up and drag yourself down even further. You are and always have been good enough.

One foot in front of the other. One day at a time. We are here for you.

Tinkerbeau

Thank you for your kindness. I know I'm being pathetic I just really want this relationship to work, but I don't know how to make it better now

Mizz

Nope. Not pathetic. Hurt, Yes. Its okay to not be okay right now.

aasharon90

The best thing to begin doing now is to remain sober. You
have the beginnings of a recovery life from the willingness,
openmindedness you started with 2 yrs ago. It's important
now if you want to continue growing in recovery is to add
to what you already have.

Remaining teachable in learning new healthier ways
to continue on your recovery journey, growing in all
areas of your life.

Relationships can be complicated as we all know. It
takes 2 people to be honest with each other and willing
to communicate, listen and understand each other.

When things get complicated in a relationship, many
times, folks will join together and seek help from counciling
or a theraphyists.

There are various outside help available for all who
seek it. If it becomes one sided, then the relationship
suffers.

Time will heal all. Putting some sober time behind you
again will take time as well, but will happen. Then you
will begin to see that it was just the toxic substance
fogging up your ability to see that it's not you and that
you are worth it.

That we are all worth being loved and cared for.

There are lots of relationships that dont pan out and
there are many that do survive lifes difficulties. We all
want what we want and when it doesnt happen like we
want it to, then we get upset, mad, hurt and countless
other emotions and we look for the first quickest way
to numb those feelings.

We dont want to deal with them or face reality that it
didnt turn out like we wanted. So we get drunk or high
on a toxic substance that keeps us sick in our addiction.

Finding someone who will be on the same page as
you in all areas of your life is worth working hard for.
Worth staying and remain sober for.

There has to be someone, some where's waiting
for that special moment when least expected to
come face to face with you. When least expected
and it will happen.

Stay close to your support system for love, care,
and understanding to help you put each sober day
behind you.

Tinkerbeau

Thank you again so much your words and taking the time to write them really meant alot

Dee74

I know how much you want to hear from this person but maybe now the priority needs to be you front and centre TB?

D

Tinkerbeau

Thanks Dee. Yes your right getting myself back on track has to be priority.
Day 4 today, sleep still wasn't great but mentally feeling much clearer. I'd forgotten how soul crushingly horrible and terrifying alcohol made depression and anxiety. I hate that I relapsed but if I can take a positive it's that it made me value and appreciate my sober life, and tralise alcohol brings nothing good at all. It literally is just a poison.

Kristoff

I always quite liked the phrase "a slip is a bruise, not a tattoo"......been in similar positions, and that maxim helped me, looking forwards and not flailing oneself endlessly about slip ups which are now past, also helped......

Mizz

I will never forget how much anxiety I had while drinking, coming off of drinking, and trying to recover from all the alcohol flowing through my system. My nerves, brain, and system were completely shot. I get it. I completely understand.

Yes, the positive is that you do see the value and appreciate your sober life. This is a great takeaway. It does sound like you are getting some positive thinking back and making your way out of the little detour. Keep on moving forward. You got this! Never be defeated.

jagrnaut

I relapsed after 4 months, I let myself think I could drink like a normal person, nope! I am now past 7 months again; I can't say it enough that you need to be patient and kind to yourself. All of the progress that you made isn't magically gone unless you let yourself think that way. It is so important to see it as a minor hiccup and get yourself right back on track. You have all the support in the world with this amazing group of people and we are all here to help you get right back on the path you "are" on. Best wishes!!!