JohnToon

Congratulations!!! We'll done.

VikingGF

Today is the day I outlive my dad, a day I really saw as my own limit when I was drinking. He died this day at 57. RIP, Dad. I beat the terrible thing you could not, and will continue to strive to do so.

TiredCarpenter

fishkiller

Sorry about your Dad. 57 is way too young.

Keep kickin alcohols butt for Dad

DriGuy

That's a very nice memorial to your father.

Free2bme888

Happy belated birthday, Viking!

I was freaked when I turned 45, my mom had two debilitating strokes, then, that left her a hémiplégic and wheelchair bound for 22 more years, and resulted in us three kids going Into foster care.

Just yesterday I thought “I hope I live as long as my mom, or longer”. Thatd be only 7.5 years left.


Viking, you are doing GREAT, and there are no guarantees as we well know, so each day, especially sober, is such a gift.

YOU are a gift to me, and so many others.

Thank you for saving your life.

kes2

Way to go Viking. This is an inspiration to us all!

I'm sure Pops will be watching from the other side and will be so proud of you!!!!

ATVB,

Kes

VikingGF

Thanks for the kind words, everyone. It was a pretty contemplative day, which I didn't expect. I guess I should have seen that coming. At any rate, I'm here, there are things I need to do to make my life more of what I want it to be, but at least now I have a fighting chance. I watched my dad be forced into things I know he didn't want, but he was a passive guy who didn't make waves, just sat in that chair every night, drinking vodka on the rocks. He was never mean, never raised a hand to me, he was funny and kind. He loved me, he loved my mom. They were separated and I was only a kid but I sort of knew he didn't get over that. They never divorced. He eventually was transferred far away- away from everyone he knew- and he went. I will never know why he went instead of finding another job- that wasn't information for a little kid. I was crushed. He was my whole world and he went so far away I only saw him in the summer, a kid sitting in an empty condo while he worked during the day. I actually don't even remember much of it. It was miserable, I remember that. At least I got to leave- he stayed there- and died alone one night. Just didn't get to bed that night- died right in his chair, leaving that as my legacy, or so I thought. At 16, I thought my world ended, but it went on, and so did I. I was accepted to college 2 weeks after he passed- he didn't even get to know that. It bothers me how little I remember of him now. My memory has never been good- I have trouble recalling details of things from my childhood and young adulthood- don't know why. I know why I don't remember my forties and early fifties! Little things have been coming back since I stopped drinking, but it's not much.
I'm rambling, as I often do here on SR when I'm trying to process my feelings. I'm fortunate to have this place where I can do that, and everyone is so patient, kind and supportive. Thank you all so much.

Mummyto2

way to go well done

Worried14

You weren't rambling at all Viking. It's a very sad post but he sounds a lovely man and I'm sure he'd be happy that you're doing so well

Dee74

VGF

D

Runswithspoons

Coming late to this party, Viking, but congrats, and thanks for sharing your story. There are frequently a lot of gray areas in this disease, as illustrated in the tender way you described your father. Sounds a bit like my dad, who I regret couldn't have the longer life he deserved.
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VikingGF

It's been a year since I was back here to this thread where my sober story continues. Life is quiet now, with no drama or blips caused by drinking, the cravings and urges come no more. Any thought of drinking now has little to do with me, it's hard to explain, but I feel like that was almost another life. Putting a drink to my lips seems unfathomable, and that person who did it so regularly is a stranger. I remember her, though, parts of me are still her; stubborn, sometimes angry and put-upon. The difference is that I don't act out anymore, if I see a problem, I try to fix it, and if I can't, I look for help. I don't avoid situations any longer, I face them. It's challenging sometimes but knowing that letting problems fester and grow is no longer acceptable has actually made life easier. My days aren't all rosy and perfect, far from it, but nothing I face now is as dismal and dire as it was when I was actively lost in a pool of alcohol. I hope I never lose that part of me that remembers. Driving to work with a pulse of 111 just because my body was screaming for a drink. The crazy brain zaps at 2-3 pm because it was literally time to start drinking and I just couldn't function any longer. The nights I don't remember ending, just fading out. Waking up at 3AM, heart pounding, unable to sleep from the anxiety. The mornings replaying the night before, praying that I let the dog back in after her last pee, didn't call or text anyone, didn't DRIVE, didn't get injured or leave the stove on. Pulling into alternating package stores day in, day out. The shame. The fear. The hopelessness. The feeling of no future, no ability to take the first step to change.

I'm not glad all that happened, of course, but I am grateful I can appreciate it now rather than be bitter about the time wasted. I have to allow that I wasn't ready, for whatever reason, and then one day, I just was. Can't go backwards, only forward. Any day sober is a good day, and today is a good day.

I'll be sober for 2 and a half years in February, I am quite sure I'll make it. I still never say never because that seems cocky and irreverent, but I do pray for never and am a pretty sure bet for Feb 12.

I'm a non-drinker and proud of it every day. Gratitude is my favorite word now.

If you are out there and new to this place, let me tell you that there is HOPE here. So many of us have documented our roads to this place, please take the time to get to know us and stick around so we can know you. SR has never, not one time, let me down.

Onward. Thank you, SR.

ThatWasTheOldMe

Well done, Viking! Congrats!

Dee74

What a great update - thank you VGF - and congrats

D

VikingGF

Many thanks, Dee, for so much!

DriGuy

Congratulations. You took this seriously and did a great job. I never doubted you would do it, though. It's good to have you here.

VikingGF

I want to say some sappy "wind beneath my wings" type thing in response to you, DriGuy- but I won't. There was that day though... I have so many reasons to be here- I was held aloft by the voices of many until I could fly on my own. What an amazing place.

AAPJ

Some really good advice for those of you who are new here. One more item for your consideration. Take a look at VGF's join date. Then do the math. Like VGF my SR join date is years before my 2019 sobriety date. It was not an easy path for me to get sober. So if you fall, get back up and keep trying. Never give up.

VikingGF

AND that is my second screen name- I am here from 2003. While I came here initially for support with a family member, I did indeed struggle for many years before I was able to find my way. Never give up.