Counselling
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Counselling
I do have a habit lately of starting non-SR-related posts, and here’s another although it might help others. Also, I don’t know where else to ask, and one of our many star posters, Zug, is having great luck with their counsellor.
I’ve never done well with counselling on three attempts. The first was a one-off box tick to enable me to be prescribed some craving reducer pills (Campril). The second time (over a year sober, just angry with life) wasn’t so bad, but after five sessions, I saw no progress. And now, whilst I’m doing OK generally in life,
I’ve had a rough three years by anyone’s standards (sick/dead parents a divorce) so thought counselling might be a healthy idea. I had the second session (£75/hour) last night, and it was 100% asking about my hobbies and interests and suggestions of new interests to help meet a broader range of people. Not useless by any means, but that’s not what I’m paying £75 an hour to a former NHS counsellor.
Is it me? Am I not engaging in the process? Zug’s counsellor sounded super thorough. All I got out of last night’s session was that volunteering might be a good idea. That’s more what I’d call life coaching which is an unregulated area done by pretty much anyone,
What is counselling supposed to be? I don’t think this counsellor knows where it’s going. Any ideas or I’m going to pull the plug,
I’ve never done well with counselling on three attempts. The first was a one-off box tick to enable me to be prescribed some craving reducer pills (Campril). The second time (over a year sober, just angry with life) wasn’t so bad, but after five sessions, I saw no progress. And now, whilst I’m doing OK generally in life,
I’ve had a rough three years by anyone’s standards (sick/dead parents a divorce) so thought counselling might be a healthy idea. I had the second session (£75/hour) last night, and it was 100% asking about my hobbies and interests and suggestions of new interests to help meet a broader range of people. Not useless by any means, but that’s not what I’m paying £75 an hour to a former NHS counsellor.
Is it me? Am I not engaging in the process? Zug’s counsellor sounded super thorough. All I got out of last night’s session was that volunteering might be a good idea. That’s more what I’d call life coaching which is an unregulated area done by pretty much anyone,
What is counselling supposed to be? I don’t think this counsellor knows where it’s going. Any ideas or I’m going to pull the plug,
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What do you want to get out of counseling, Hodd?
I use my counselor for help maintaining my sobriety and increasing my understanding of my (often hidden) interior motives.
Some need help with relationships or anxiety. What would be helpful for you?
I use my counselor for help maintaining my sobriety and increasing my understanding of my (often hidden) interior motives.
Some need help with relationships or anxiety. What would be helpful for you?
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Good question, TC. I guess to be less angry with life and less negative in my thoughts towards others. I’m 3.5 years sober and am almost a saint compared to the misery I was, but I’m not there yet, far from it.
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Those sound like excellent, reasonable goals!
Increasing acceptance, positivity, and serenity are some of my goals, too.
I have a counselor who specializes in treating folks with substance use disorders (guess we may have a tendency towards fantasy, negativity, and a bit of chaos?), and she helps me a lot. Perhaps you could look in that direction?
Increasing acceptance, positivity, and serenity are some of my goals, too.
I have a counselor who specializes in treating folks with substance use disorders (guess we may have a tendency towards fantasy, negativity, and a bit of chaos?), and she helps me a lot. Perhaps you could look in that direction?
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On the first session, the counsellor did touch on drinking a lot. It’s a sad fact, but I’ve noticed doctors and maybe counsellors don’t seem to believe it when someone claims to have given up drinking. They know from experience how incredibly tough that is and have no doubt seem many relapses. However, whilst any ex-addict is statistically more likely to relapse (whatever people might say), it’s not one of my concerns right now as I’ve long since got out the habit of drinking.
But if I tell a counsellor I get angry a lot and am negative towards people, I thought they’d be addressing that rather than telling me to go volunteer somewhere 🤣
But if I tell a counsellor I get angry a lot and am negative towards people, I thought they’d be addressing that rather than telling me to go volunteer somewhere 🤣
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I think what you need to look for in a counsellor is someone who looks deep into you as a person, someone that looks for catalysts. The causes of your problems. It can be pretty upsetting looking back at childhood trauma, abuse etc but it is absolutely necessary and ultimately freeing.
Yes, I’ll have to shop around. As you say, £75 for a chat isn’t acceptable. Thanks for inspiring me to give it a try 👍
To be honest, the second counsellor I mentioned was quite good. We had an honest misunderstanding over bookings, and I didn’t turn up for a session and was charged. That and a few other things meant I stopped with her, but she was better than this £75/hour chat session 🤡
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I am currently not seeing a therapist or counseling but I have in the past. I guess my counseling right now is going to continuing care when I can. It doesnt follow an AA format and I think its a nice change from the AA meetings.
The last therapist tried to help me the best she could and I did ok in certain increments, but I was barely getting by and bold face lying to her in certain sessions. I wasn't helping myself in any way at all. One of the worst ones is that she asked me if I had drank that day and I told her no(complete lie). Just awful all the way around.
I was really a walking trainwreck for awhile and it resulted in another rehab stint. I would go 2-3 days without a drink and then go right back to it.
Saturday will be two weeks. I do thank the AA meetings, continuing care, this message board, and knowing if I drink I end up in the hospital.
The last therapist tried to help me the best she could and I did ok in certain increments, but I was barely getting by and bold face lying to her in certain sessions. I wasn't helping myself in any way at all. One of the worst ones is that she asked me if I had drank that day and I told her no(complete lie). Just awful all the way around.
I was really a walking trainwreck for awhile and it resulted in another rehab stint. I would go 2-3 days without a drink and then go right back to it.
Saturday will be two weeks. I do thank the AA meetings, continuing care, this message board, and knowing if I drink I end up in the hospital.
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Thinking about this, counsellors are humans too. I teach kids, sometimes in schools but mostly privately now, and I like some more than others. On the rare occasions where there’s been no rapport to the point that it affects learning, I’ve asked the parents to find another teacher - kids only get one chance at education (plus I wish I got £75/hour). The cynic in me thinks a counsellor wouldn’t do that. They’d muddle on and not worry about rapport/chemistry. I’ll find another or go back to my second one.
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Years ago, when I went through counseling, it was just to experience the process. I had no outstanding issues, or so I thought. It was free, so I could go as much as I wanted. I would talk about minor issues and my counselor would paraphrase and repeat them to me. They make jokes about this in comedy routines, but it's an actual method. I think what happens during the paraphrases is that it forces you to concentrate on what you are saying. Often we talk without giving any critical thought to what we are saying. And when we think it's even more dramatic because we think about what we are thinking even less than when we speak out loud.
I did a lot of meditating on my own that was usually along the lines of "What am I feeling right now." Sometimes I had to reach for something, and I would follow a flow of conscious process of my own. Much of this led nowhere, but every once in a while something would resonate, and I would push deeper. If I felt too confident that I understood these things, or felt strongly that I shouldn't bother pursuing it, that was a red flag for me that it was likely something I didn't want to think about. And it's important to our growth if we think about the things we don't want to think about. We are probably hiding from something.
I kept a written log about my daily meditations, because writing down your thoughts helps to shine a critical light on them. I even wrote down my bizarre thoughts to see if they led me anywhere. Then once week, I would take my journal with me to counseling, and with the open journal on my lap, I would discuss it all with my counselor. I went for weeks without anything happening, except that I felt a little better after each session.
Then one day, I was hit with an anxiety like I had never experienced before, and I made an appointment for that afternoon. This is when I had my first big discovery, and it was a doozy. I left in a cloud, thanked my counselor and said I had figured out my problem and wouldn't need her anymore. Boy, was I wrong about that! What had happened is that I caused a crack in the dam, and soon thoughts, long forgotten memories, and feelings I could not understand began pouring out. I went back to my counselor and reported, "I guess I'm not finished yet."
From there on, I was on a roller coaster of highs and lows. Highs like I never had before, and lows that were sometimes frightening. A mentor told me I might be working too hard at this self discovery thing, and I would be well advised to slow down. Eventually I did, but at that time, I was too into the wonderland of self-discovery to slow down.
So when to you finally arrive? Well, the answer is never, unless you want to stop doing it. My life now is far more level and content. I don't push hard anymore, but I have a tool in my tool box that I didn't have before, and it's pretty damn sharp too, ready to go if I need it or feel the urge to take a deeper look. I use it when I feel like I need it. I seldom have the dramatic highs anymore, and the lows are far behind me.
I don't know what you are doing, if you are doing it right, or doing it wrong. Like recovery, there is more than one way to approach self discovery, and you may have different goals. My only goal was to learn more about me. You may find that counseling isn't for you, but hold off on that judgement. I've talked to other counselors over the years, and they are all different. I never connected with another counselor the way I did with that first one.
The method she used by the way, is called "client centered therapy." The counselor doesn't take you anywhere, he/she just helps you go where you are going, even when you don't know where you are going, if that makes sense. Paying for it put an odd pressure on me that was distracting from the work, but I guess that's what it costs these days. But I've learned mostly what I needed. Who I am is only a part of it. The most important part is learning how to use the tool. I learned more about how to use the tool later on my own, but apparently, I needed a place to start.
I did a lot of meditating on my own that was usually along the lines of "What am I feeling right now." Sometimes I had to reach for something, and I would follow a flow of conscious process of my own. Much of this led nowhere, but every once in a while something would resonate, and I would push deeper. If I felt too confident that I understood these things, or felt strongly that I shouldn't bother pursuing it, that was a red flag for me that it was likely something I didn't want to think about. And it's important to our growth if we think about the things we don't want to think about. We are probably hiding from something.
I kept a written log about my daily meditations, because writing down your thoughts helps to shine a critical light on them. I even wrote down my bizarre thoughts to see if they led me anywhere. Then once week, I would take my journal with me to counseling, and with the open journal on my lap, I would discuss it all with my counselor. I went for weeks without anything happening, except that I felt a little better after each session.
Then one day, I was hit with an anxiety like I had never experienced before, and I made an appointment for that afternoon. This is when I had my first big discovery, and it was a doozy. I left in a cloud, thanked my counselor and said I had figured out my problem and wouldn't need her anymore. Boy, was I wrong about that! What had happened is that I caused a crack in the dam, and soon thoughts, long forgotten memories, and feelings I could not understand began pouring out. I went back to my counselor and reported, "I guess I'm not finished yet."
From there on, I was on a roller coaster of highs and lows. Highs like I never had before, and lows that were sometimes frightening. A mentor told me I might be working too hard at this self discovery thing, and I would be well advised to slow down. Eventually I did, but at that time, I was too into the wonderland of self-discovery to slow down.
So when to you finally arrive? Well, the answer is never, unless you want to stop doing it. My life now is far more level and content. I don't push hard anymore, but I have a tool in my tool box that I didn't have before, and it's pretty damn sharp too, ready to go if I need it or feel the urge to take a deeper look. I use it when I feel like I need it. I seldom have the dramatic highs anymore, and the lows are far behind me.
I don't know what you are doing, if you are doing it right, or doing it wrong. Like recovery, there is more than one way to approach self discovery, and you may have different goals. My only goal was to learn more about me. You may find that counseling isn't for you, but hold off on that judgement. I've talked to other counselors over the years, and they are all different. I never connected with another counselor the way I did with that first one.
The method she used by the way, is called "client centered therapy." The counselor doesn't take you anywhere, he/she just helps you go where you are going, even when you don't know where you are going, if that makes sense. Paying for it put an odd pressure on me that was distracting from the work, but I guess that's what it costs these days. But I've learned mostly what I needed. Who I am is only a part of it. The most important part is learning how to use the tool. I learned more about how to use the tool later on my own, but apparently, I needed a place to start.
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Define, for the person you are thinking of working with, the goals you have for counseling. Ask them what you can expect if you work with them. Ask them how fast and what sort of progress you can expect. This should give you some way of judging your progress.
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As DriGuy mentions, there is usually some method to the madness, often trying to get us to understand and acknowledge our feelings (big one for me), or get to underlying issues. But as you’re seeing, this can go on indefinitely, and be expensive. In later years I found it helpful to have a goal in mind, based on specific issues - related to my codependency for example. Like avoiding confrontation, or not valuing my own needs. That’s where we make progress.
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"client centered therapy."
Thanks Dri, that does explain a lot in my current counsellor’s case. She did bang on about drinking lot in session 1, and I reckon she was being nosey. As I say, though, I’m not enjoying the sessions, and I’m not getting Zug’s wow factor.
Thanks Dri, that does explain a lot in my current counsellor’s case. She did bang on about drinking lot in session 1, and I reckon she was being nosey. As I say, though, I’m not enjoying the sessions, and I’m not getting Zug’s wow factor.
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Hi Hodd,
To me counselling has been useless, because I did not want to give up my problems.I once saw a psychologist and she was amazing she got inside and brang to the fore my deep inner thoughts she nearly made me cry she was that good but being a man I bottled these feelings back up and never went back to her no Counciling since has worked like this since.So in my opinion yes most councillors are overpaid and tell you things that you already know and some just provide a listening ear and are not worth the money.I would suggest if your not happy with the councillor give them the boot until you find one you connect with.
To me counselling has been useless, because I did not want to give up my problems.I once saw a psychologist and she was amazing she got inside and brang to the fore my deep inner thoughts she nearly made me cry she was that good but being a man I bottled these feelings back up and never went back to her no Counciling since has worked like this since.So in my opinion yes most councillors are overpaid and tell you things that you already know and some just provide a listening ear and are not worth the money.I would suggest if your not happy with the councillor give them the boot until you find one you connect with.
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Originally Posted by Hodd 
"client centered therapy."
As I say, though, I’m not enjoying the sessions, and I’m not getting Zug’s wow factor.
As I say, though, I’m not enjoying the sessions, and I’m not getting Zug’s wow factor.
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Originally Posted by Hodd
Good question, TC. I guess to be less angry with life and less negative in my thoughts towards others. I’m 3.5 years sober and am almost a saint compared to the misery I was, but I’m not there yet, far from it.
Therapy was helpful for me for grief after my father and business partner died suddenly of a heart attack but I found preparation for the sessions was key. This way the therapist could react to what I wanted to discuss and it made it more productive and focused. One time I even brought family pictures which actually motivated the therapist, and he commented on the body language in the pictures!
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I'm a 45 year old male and I like counseling. But I've been seeing a counselor for a few years before I went to rehab this year in May. I went to get help with anxiety/panic attacks that I never had before but now I know that some of that was caused by alcohol abuse.
Now I go to counseling because for the first time in about 20 years of drinking daily, I am only hours away from having 90 days of sobriety, and I feel as if I'm learning how to re-live again. Learning how to accept and deal with emotions with a sober mind can be intimidating, and scary AF! At least for me anyways.
I don't want to drink ever again and if I have to allow myself to be vulnerable and dig deep into things I don't want to talk about, but it keeps me sober, then so be it. I'm not afraid to cry anymore and let all that **** out. I'm living in a men's sober house right now so it's really embarrassing sometimes. But you know what?.....by me giving up on that tough guys BS, the other dudes in my house are starting to loosen up a little and are talking more.
Now I go to counseling because for the first time in about 20 years of drinking daily, I am only hours away from having 90 days of sobriety, and I feel as if I'm learning how to re-live again. Learning how to accept and deal with emotions with a sober mind can be intimidating, and scary AF! At least for me anyways.
I don't want to drink ever again and if I have to allow myself to be vulnerable and dig deep into things I don't want to talk about, but it keeps me sober, then so be it. I'm not afraid to cry anymore and let all that **** out. I'm living in a men's sober house right now so it's really embarrassing sometimes. But you know what?.....by me giving up on that tough guys BS, the other dudes in my house are starting to loosen up a little and are talking more.
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I have seen counsellors and have found them not to have enough intellectual rigour, basically not clever enough and not skilled enough . Like jhonnyspa I have seen/am seeing a psychologist and she is brilliant she gets right into my head and digs around and finds stuff that I really need to look at - I recommend finding a properly trained psychologist - mine blows me away with how she gets to the nitty gritty with no messing around!
I mean you want someone cleverer and more skilled than you in how the brain and body works - or else like someone else said you can use Dr Google.
I hope you find someone Hodd, as it really can help shift stuff in the right direction.
I mean you want someone cleverer and more skilled than you in how the brain and body works - or else like someone else said you can use Dr Google.
I hope you find someone Hodd, as it really can help shift stuff in the right direction.
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Thanks dusty and others - I don’t know if it’s just me, but the “thanks” button is no longer visible on my phone for the mobile and desktop versions of this site. I feel quite rude 🤣 not being able to hit the thanks button. This does appear on the rare occasions I use a laptop.
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Originally Posted by dustyfox
I have seen counsellors and have found them not to have enough intellectual rigour, basically not clever enough and not skilled enough . Like jhonnyspa I have seen/am seeing a psychologist and she is brilliant she gets right into my head and digs around and finds stuff that I really need to look at - I recommend finding a properly trained psychologist - mine blows me away with how she gets to the nitty gritty with no messing around!
I mean you want someone cleverer and more skilled than you in how the brain and body works - or else like someone else said you can use Dr Google.
I hope you find someone Hodd, as it really can help shift stuff in the right direction.
I mean you want someone cleverer and more skilled than you in how the brain and body works - or else like someone else said you can use Dr Google.
I hope you find someone Hodd, as it really can help shift stuff in the right direction.
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Join Date: Aug 2022
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Hi Guys,
I don't attend conselling but I'm on a waiting list for bereavement counselling. I lost my brother to heroin in 2016, he was 47 and it's then that my spiral into alcoholism springboarded. I haven't processed his passing as I blocked it with drink. I think people have a stereotypical picture in their mind of a heroin addict, my brother broke that mould. He had a degree in chemistry, his own house and was a lovely guy. He was my bro,soul mate and best friend. I never got involved in heroin, it was always drink for me. We did everything together apart from that "filth."
I've suffered with huge anxiety, panic attacks and depression since. I'm prescribed 100mg of setraline per day, I can honesty attribute all of these conditions to alcohol. Since I stopped (day 56) things are getting much better. I drank to alleviate anxiety which caused more anxiety. It was like like trying to quench my thirst with salt water, if that makes sense? I will go for the counselling further down my road to recovery. All the professionals working with me have said re-visiting his loss at present could lead to relapse.
The meds have done nothing in comparison to abstinence.
It's at the top of my list, maybe around day 100 if I make it.
Cheers guys. Feel better for sharing that.
I don't attend conselling but I'm on a waiting list for bereavement counselling. I lost my brother to heroin in 2016, he was 47 and it's then that my spiral into alcoholism springboarded. I haven't processed his passing as I blocked it with drink. I think people have a stereotypical picture in their mind of a heroin addict, my brother broke that mould. He had a degree in chemistry, his own house and was a lovely guy. He was my bro,soul mate and best friend. I never got involved in heroin, it was always drink for me. We did everything together apart from that "filth."
I've suffered with huge anxiety, panic attacks and depression since. I'm prescribed 100mg of setraline per day, I can honesty attribute all of these conditions to alcohol. Since I stopped (day 56) things are getting much better. I drank to alleviate anxiety which caused more anxiety. It was like like trying to quench my thirst with salt water, if that makes sense? I will go for the counselling further down my road to recovery. All the professionals working with me have said re-visiting his loss at present could lead to relapse.
The meds have done nothing in comparison to abstinence.
It's at the top of my list, maybe around day 100 if I make it.
Cheers guys. Feel better for sharing that.
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