Zura

Good to hear from you dumpedbyp, I'm glad you checked in and updated us. You sound like your doing very well under the circumstances. I think having a good support system makes a huge difference. I commend you on focusing on your journey.

I'm sorry for what you've been through but your rocking the whole making lemonade out of lemons thing. Its a tricky balance feeling your feelings but not living there. All the best with your healing ☺️

dumpedbyp

Hello again,

Another 2 weeks have gone by and today is not a good day

This weekend I went out with a group of friends I had not seen in a long time and I was having the time of my life until they asked about what happened with me and my ex.
I thought I was ready to share my story with more people (I had already told a good friend of mine and my therapist) so I opened up but as soon as I started retelling the story it felt like a super fresh wound.
I started crying in the middle of my story and got super embarrased.

You know how they say that talking about something makes you feel lighter? Well it didnt this time. It actually left a weight on me and I have been crying for 2 days straight.
Again I'm feeling angry and hurt.

I don't want to fake my way to feel okay. I don't want to supress anything but I was doing so good
Now I'm getting the impulse to contact him again. Not to go back but to hurt him. I feel like I would say anything just to get a reaction. Just a little something to know that he cares.

...Instead of doing that I'm reading and writing here and listening to sad music I can relate.
I don't want him to take anything more from me so I will stay no contact. I'll continue to cry as much as I have to.


Thank you for reading this pathetic rant. I hope I get to read this in a couple weeks and feel a lot better.

mns1

It may take some time for these emotions to fully subside, but perhaps it's time to really work towards letting this guy go. This means continuing to lean on friends for support, but also starting to envision your life going forward without him in it. You're right. If you continue reaching out to him, he will only take more from you. But if you let him, he'll continue doing that even after you've severed ties.

I know what you're going through is very hard. But you're going to be okay. Just give it time.

trailmix

You will. It's going to be a rollercoaster - emotion wise - for a while. There will be really good days and bad days. Eventually the good will outweigh the bad, eventually everything will balance, but it's going to take time. It's good you can just feel your feelings without trying to supress them too much, this will really help you in the long run (which you already seem to know).

Any retaliation you try to take won't really help you, you know? Play it forward. What if you spill it all and tell him what a horrible person he is etc etc and - he doesn't reply. What if he replies with a rant about you, to retaliate. What if he replies with an apology. None of it helps you.

People who are kind and compassionate and caring, don't do what he did and certainly don't do it the way he did it. So don't expect caring, this is as good as it gets right now, this is him. He may have gotten "sober", but he's in no kind of recovery, he's still as self-serving as he ever was.

I'm sure he loved you and cared about you to the best of HIS ability - probably not what you think of as love and caring.

I don't know if I mentioned before, or if someone else has, but you may want to check out the friends and family forum as well, many stories there you can probably relate to:

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ly-alcoholics/

Cityboy

I interpret the emotions as meaning that you are a genuine person, not a pathetic one. The emotions are not about the person. That person is gone from your life. It's about how the situation makes you feel.

Any effort to engage that person would be like what we alcoholics refer to as engaging the AV, and would only prolong the agony for you.

The emotional pain will pass and you will begin to move forward in life again.

sugarbear1

No retaliation needed here, just sit back and watch the drama unfold. Soon, that little "relationship" will vanish. It's to distract them from recovery and fooling them into thinking they are "normal." A new bottom may be in store for one or both of them.

We go to rehabs to recover, not to find new love (as sick as this is)!

You are saving yourself from more misery, especially if you learn and grow from this situation, otherwise, in my experience, we are doomed to revisit this in our next relationship.

You are fantastic and doing quite well, given the circumstances. Grieve, but do not return.....