mistory5

I have not been here in a long time, but I'm still struggling with long term sobriety. What I need to talk about today is everytime I start gaining some speed with sobriety my 22 year old son and my 79 year mother seem to think that's the perfect time to come down on my faults and my behavior when I do drink. I hear no talk about you are doing a good job, I like you when you're sober, whatever you are doing keep it up, etc. My son is so angry and resentful he has attacked me physically when I say anything that pisses him off and the thing is i never know what that's going to be. Ive been trying to encourage him to get counseling for himself because im afraid he's going to kill me or someone else. And I want to see him have support for his own peace of minds. He seems so miserable and angry whether im working on sobriety or not. I can't seem to suck it up and accept I hurt them and they feel something like oh, she's not drinking so let me jump on her. Well, I can understand why they feel the way they do however the guilt, shame,anxiety, depression and fear ( physical attacks)that hits me when these interactions happen are so, so overwhelming I pick up again and go on a really bad binge for about a week. Then something hits me like this drinking is not the answer. Another thing that stresses me out is they both are not helpful around helping out around the house. It's bad and it erks me to know end. I do all of the housework, keep up the outside of the house and manage/ all repairs and maintenance. I do all the cooking and have to clean the pots, put the food away and wash their dirty dishes. I have asked them in every way you can imagine to help me out a little bit at least. Now, my mom does contribute financially to the household my son does not. He graduated from college this May and I have seen no signs of looking for employment. He just stays in his bedroom all day. I think he is having some kind of mental break. And I blame myself for his current behavior, Another blanket of guilt on top of me. I know the answer is just don't drink no matter what but I just can't seem to do it. But the alcholic in me might still be on a roller-coaster of sober and relapsing even if was not happening. Has anyone experienced this and how did you handle it? Ty.

Steely

Have you thought about going to AA? People there will definitely encourage and support you in getting sober.

Addictions counsellor also worth considering.

Your son is not allowed to assault you whether your drinking or not! Let him know that, and if he continues, have him charged.

I hope you continue to post.

RunningScared

I couldn't agree more with Steely. You don't have to put up with abuse from your son.

Tailai

That’s a lot to have to manage Mistory. What must be frustrating for you is that you are successfully dealing with so much negativity (by successfully I mean not drinking) but then you become overwhelmed, get the f*** its, and drink. Two things stand out to me here for which you need to develop a plan or at least a mindset. Number one, you must have a plan in place the next time you are physically threatened. I don’t want to suggest anything here. Number two, when you feel overwhelmed, you must approach this feeling in a positive, productive manner. From your brief post it sounds like your feeling overwhelmed is logical. The next step is figuring out how to eliminate, piece by piece, the negativity that surrounds you which is the trigger that causes you to drink. This will take practice, time, discipline, and patience but you can do it!

Anna

Welcome back!

First of all, do not allow your son to abuse you physically, or any other way. It's not okay for him to do that and he needs to learn that. You need to come up with a plan to be able to safely get away from him when he becomes angry. It's reasonable for you to expect him to contribute to the housework and to actively look for a job.

The guilt/shame/anxiety you are feeling is part of the downward cycle of alcoholism. It's how the disease keeps you hooked. You need to step out of the cycle, even though it seems scary and very hard. This will help you to stay sober and everything will start to improve. Focus on not drinking, ever, no matter what. And, keep posting here for support.

Dee74

People are right about physical abuse (and verbal abuse) not being ok mistory.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...out-abuse.html (About Abuse)

Is it your house? Perhaps your mom and son need to be presented with the option of living somewhere else…

Its a sad fact that sometimes the people who we expect might give us the most support, simply refuse to give that support.

There are other options for support tho, like AA or other meeting based recovery methods. Posting here regularly is a great source of support too

D

VikingGF

Is there any way for you to get out of your house safely? Your situation sounds dangerous to me, and besides not drinking, getting out and getting to a place where no one is beating on you seems to be pretty important. If this is your house, I agree with Dee, maybe it's time to get mom and son out of there. If it isn't your house, is there somewhere you can go for a bit to get some perspective on this situation? It sounds to me like you are taking on way too much responsibility for the very poor and inappropriate behavior of your family. No one deserves what is going on in your home. No level of guilt or shame makes it OK for anyone to lay hands on you, threaten you or degrade you. If you are feeling scared and threatened, then get out of the situation.

sugarbear1

Try staying stopped for you. Surrender to the fact you can't drink safely. Then don't drink. It can be done!! This way you will be able to see things with a sober brain!

mistory5

Ty everyone for your replies. Yes, it's my house and I do agree with everyone's responses. I have to make some serious well thought out plans and decisions regarding my son and mother and even what coping skills other than drinking I'm going to implement when they trigger me. My coping skills suck!!! I'm thinking of selling my home, too many sad and horrible times here since 2004 anyway. Sometimes I think the house is possessed by evil because when my son's father and I bought it EVERYTHING literally went down the gutter. We had a pretty good life before moving into this house and I definitely wasn't an alcholic. He died in 2011 and I've been single every since. I'm also thinking of just asking them to leave, but for some reason that option scares me the most. I know one thing I gotta stay sober and move in silence to set specific motions in place for whichever decision I make. I really do need outside support, however I've tried AA and it's just not for me, I've tried several times.
And yes, I have a therapist which keeps me somewhat from not just throwing in the towel and just drink myself to death. But I don't think 1x a week isn't sufficient for me or just doing therapy is the ticket. I will make a daily visit here, It was very helpful at getting some sober time in before, but nothing like longterm. Thanks again everyone.

Hawkeye13

Selling the house would allow you to downsize and get a fresh start—it is also the perfect time for your adult, college-degreed son to get his own place, or if he and your mom want to get something together they could do that.

Abuse is never never OK—it is also a huge trigger for drinking. The sooner you can get your space and freedom the better