VikingGF

Thnking of you, Peke. Hope you're having a good day.

Pekelover2

I can’t believe the kindness that exists here. I thought for sure you’d all be sick of me.
Thank you all so much for these insightful and thoughtful replies. I feel like I got such great advice. It also makes me feel like a lot of you can relate to me. And that makes me feel less alone. I don’t know what to say except thank you!!

I ran with one of my friends today. She’d been away with her family for two weeks. And I’d been “away” (hungover) for two weeks. So I thought we’d be equally matched. But we weren’t. I could barely keep up with her. At the three mile mark I quietly suggested that we slow down and walk. What a ripple effect drinking has. I saw my reflection in a car window. I looked like a bloated munchkin. I had no stamina.

I ruined her run and I ruined my run.

slipnslide

Hi, Peke. I only lurk anymore but reading your post triggered something in me. Probably because I feel like I could have written this post. Cancelling plans with friends because of hangovers. Hurting people with angry behaviors while drunk. Feeling like you are letting your kids down because you’re too hungry over to do anything. (Or in your case the dogs). The shame you feel when you wake up and wonder just how made your spouse is at you. And the embarrassment that you’re a grown ass woman who keeps making the same errors over and over again. It’s why I named myself “slip n slide” because that’s the game I played with alcohol everytime I tried to moderate. I always ended up slippinh and sliding down regret lane. I have no idea why the last time I slipped was “the time”. I finally got my footing. I was sick and tired of the self harm and shame. I said enough and … it stuck. And I can promise you… life on this side is sooooo worth the work ❤️ My kids have the best of me. My husband is no longer worried for my health and safety. And I no longer wake up in the mornings dreading to relive the memories of the night before. July 23, 2018 was the last time I had to feel that pain.

Hodd

Wow, Peke! You’re beating yourself up because you went for a run 😂 It’s not as if you ran a few hundred yards and stopped. You were at 3 miles before you suggested slowing down. You’re not exactly at a beginners level of fitness. It takes getting back into. I’m supposedly a triathlete but haven’t run since 26 June because of Covid. I wouldn’t be brave enough to go running with someone else right no like you did.

Rest for a day or two and go out for another run. You’ll soon be fine.

advbike

Hi Peke. Please don't be so hard on yourself. You're a good person struggling with an addiction that I believe is in part due to how hard you are on yourself. You hold yourself up to impossibly high standards that anyone would have a hard time meeting. And then you beat yourself up if you skip a beat or aren't at your very best. Please Peke, you have been through a lot and came through it. Give yourself a break and a little self-love - you deserve it!. Enjoy the run for what it was - a run with a friend... after a long time off. Focus on the journey - each step, the fresh air - not the results.

You are a good person and I wish you would look in the mirror every morning and see how beautiful, strong, and capable you are. You do good and you are good. You will do this too, of that I have no doubt. But it is a process, and right now you are right where you need to be. And it will get better, just keep at it and don't give up. And enjoy life, Peke.

Free2bme888

All good advice.

You are NORMAL. You are addicted. That’s why.

Agree ousting yourself is a personal decision. For some who believe it helps, it helps. For some who believe it’s not good for them to do that, then that’s their truth.

Each recipe is different, the easy part is not drinking after 2 weeks physical detox.

The hard part is changing our subconscious.

”I can have fun without alcohol”
”I don’t need alcohol to relax”
”Alcohol does NOT help my problems or make them disappear “
”I’m happy without alcohol”

Say these, and more, to your face in the mirror. 10 times a day. Several times a day. Even if you don’t believe that today. You CAN retrain your brain.

Staying in a headspace where you believe drinking is fun, or believing that it (insert positive influence here) will make it difficult if not impossible to remain sober .

Sounds like you are losing your spouse.

Your soul is screaming as loud as it can to be saved.

No one can save you. Save yourself Peke

Welcome back.

CH333

I have to say, even my husband finding out and my life imploding didn't make me stop until I decided to a few months later. You have to do it for yourself, full stop. I'm over 3 years sober now: which has by no means been easy. It literally is one second, minute, hour, day, month, quarter, and year at a time.

Dee74

How are you PL?

D