So I drank ….
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 870
So I drank ….
Last night and the night before … everything seemed too much - pain from broken shoulder, inability to work and thus gain ££, brief contact from son who spun a whole load of lies about money he owes to me and many others ( he says he doesn’t but this was quickly debunked by his one friend so he insulted and blocked both of us… and the heat (Of course UK has a heatwave to top it off )… Anyway, Mr Sauvignon Blanc made things much worse so he won’t be visiting again… Onwards !
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Join Date: Jan 2021
Posts: 527
I could not stay sober until I fully committed to the recovery program of Alcoholics Anonymous. A perhaps relevant quote from A.A.'s Big Book:
There is a solution. Almost none of us liked the self-searching, the leveling of our pride, the confession of shortcomings which the process requires for its successful consummation. But we saw that it really worked in others, and we had come to believe in the hopelessness and futility of life as we had been living it. When, therefore, we were approached by those in whom the problem had been solved, there was nothing left for us but to pick up the simple kit of spiritual tools laid at our feet. We have found much of heaven and we have been rocketed into a fourth dimension of existence of which we had not even dreamed.
Feel free to PM me if you'd like to chat more about this.
There is a solution. Almost none of us liked the self-searching, the leveling of our pride, the confession of shortcomings which the process requires for its successful consummation. But we saw that it really worked in others, and we had come to believe in the hopelessness and futility of life as we had been living it. When, therefore, we were approached by those in whom the problem had been solved, there was nothing left for us but to pick up the simple kit of spiritual tools laid at our feet. We have found much of heaven and we have been rocketed into a fourth dimension of existence of which we had not even dreamed.
Feel free to PM me if you'd like to chat more about this.
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Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: west falls, ny
Posts: 602
Hi Ican,
. I had this same problem a few days back.
I was doing well and then me and adult son got into a tiff.
What he said kind of ate at me and I wound up trying to solve it with chardonnay.
As we know, it didn't help at all.
I'm back to the drawing board too.
Remain positive and work on getting back to sobriety.
. I had this same problem a few days back.
I was doing well and then me and adult son got into a tiff.
What he said kind of ate at me and I wound up trying to solve it with chardonnay.
As we know, it didn't help at all.
I'm back to the drawing board too.
Remain positive and work on getting back to sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,025
Hi Ican - I’m sorry to hear that.
I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, but I think the approach you have at the moment seems to be focused on how you react to what happened each day, why it could have made you drink, and why you (almost always) didn’t give in, but sometimes, like now, you did.
I’ve been there myself, and I think what this effectively represents is a debate between your sober and alcoholic self. The problem with that is that your sober self has strong and weak days, but your alcoholic self is always there ready to go, so you are bound to lose the argument every now and then. Last time I lost the argument I was 18 months sober!
It’s not the end of the world, you have spent a lot more time sober than drunk over the last few months, which is great.
But I think that it is necessary to have the “I don’t drink” conviction at the forefront of our thoughts, before we engage in the debate with the AV. If that happens, it doesn’t matter what the AV throws at us, and we can stop judging situations by how much they encouraged or not encouraged us to drink, because it really doesn’t matter if we just don’t ever drink.
Again, please don’t take this the wrong way, you have been doing great and circumstances are indeed hard there at the moment, just trying to suggest something different because circumstances are impossible to control, but your mindset and reactions are yours to conquer.
I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, but I think the approach you have at the moment seems to be focused on how you react to what happened each day, why it could have made you drink, and why you (almost always) didn’t give in, but sometimes, like now, you did.
I’ve been there myself, and I think what this effectively represents is a debate between your sober and alcoholic self. The problem with that is that your sober self has strong and weak days, but your alcoholic self is always there ready to go, so you are bound to lose the argument every now and then. Last time I lost the argument I was 18 months sober!
It’s not the end of the world, you have spent a lot more time sober than drunk over the last few months, which is great.
But I think that it is necessary to have the “I don’t drink” conviction at the forefront of our thoughts, before we engage in the debate with the AV. If that happens, it doesn’t matter what the AV throws at us, and we can stop judging situations by how much they encouraged or not encouraged us to drink, because it really doesn’t matter if we just don’t ever drink.
Again, please don’t take this the wrong way, you have been doing great and circumstances are indeed hard there at the moment, just trying to suggest something different because circumstances are impossible to control, but your mindset and reactions are yours to conquer.
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Join Date: May 2021
Location: England
Posts: 1,850
As ever congratulations on getting straight back here ican. I did think about whether to write this next bit but I have decided to in the hope you take it in the spirit in which it is intended which is to be supportive.
I read your posts each day and it is easy to see that you want to quit and believe you can do it and you count each day as a success which of course it is!
I used to do the same, before I came here, count the days and then usually after a while , usually anywhere between five and forty days after quitting I would relapse due to some life event, stress, strain, anything really that my AV felt like blaming it on. And I wonder why this time is different for me - why I have not relapsed and all I can think is this.
I have had to fundamentally change the way I think about myself and my life, I mean at a deep core level, some of which has been done here and some by thinking through why I don't want to drink anymore and then making a plan for the rest of my life - that plan is - that I no longer drink alcohol - I am a non drinker. The work is not over for me as the journey into sobriety is in itself a challenge after decades of heavy drinking, but the baseline is there - sobriety.
Anyway as I said this is to meant to be critical in any way - just an observation - just a thought - just an idea -
I know you have had/have a lot to contend with and I do hope your pain is at least diminished. Sending positive/ cooling vibes to you!
I read your posts each day and it is easy to see that you want to quit and believe you can do it and you count each day as a success which of course it is!
I used to do the same, before I came here, count the days and then usually after a while , usually anywhere between five and forty days after quitting I would relapse due to some life event, stress, strain, anything really that my AV felt like blaming it on. And I wonder why this time is different for me - why I have not relapsed and all I can think is this.
I have had to fundamentally change the way I think about myself and my life, I mean at a deep core level, some of which has been done here and some by thinking through why I don't want to drink anymore and then making a plan for the rest of my life - that plan is - that I no longer drink alcohol - I am a non drinker. The work is not over for me as the journey into sobriety is in itself a challenge after decades of heavy drinking, but the baseline is there - sobriety.
Anyway as I said this is to meant to be critical in any way - just an observation - just a thought - just an idea -
I know you have had/have a lot to contend with and I do hope your pain is at least diminished. Sending positive/ cooling vibes to you!
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Originally Posted by Icandothis2013 
Anyway, Mr Sauvignon Blanc made things much worse so he won’t be visiting again… Onwards !
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Location: Dancing in the Light
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Yeah, Ican, I agree with Scott. It could be so helpful for you to have a really specific plan nailed down so you know just what to do next time it happens. I'm glad you're back and working on your recovery. 
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Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 979
Ican - I totally agree with MrPL said!! It is very true. I am sorry you drank... It can be somewhat "easier" to be accountable online daily. Not saying this happened, but if it were ME... Oh I didn't post yesterday - got busy, phone went dead, forgot. Drank for a night or 2 and then back @ posting that things are good. No sense in posting that I drank because it's all good now. (this is what would most likely happen to ME). Is there someone, something or another way you can be accountable? A friend, family member? I use I am sober (app) and each morning I commit to being sober, each night I review. It is just another tool. For me, I hit zoom meetings pretty hard for a while. But it almost came to a point where it was too much. Like I have been keeping alcohol @ the forefront of my mind. When I relaxed this and incorporated the occasional meeting with church, bible study, the app, reading on SR it has helped more than anything. I speak to SOMEONE daily. Parents, friends, sister, kids etc. This helps too because they would be able to tell right away if I were drinking.
I have tried every medication to "stop" drinking. You name it, I have tried it. Almost like I was looking for a magic cure. MY deal is ego. Not bragging here, but there is NOTHING in my life that I have set out to do or accomplish that I have not achieved. ALCOHOL is THE only thing that I cannot conquer alone. I work from home, this is good for me but it also means waaay less accountability. If I "checked out" for a day, no problem.
You seem like you get some time in, relapse, back in the saddle, relapse. Believe me I have done this for YEARS!!! Heck, I just posted a few days ago that it's been 4 months. Does this EVER go away? I can guarantee you that if I did not have that in person accountability I wouldhave relapsed. If I could have done it for just a day or a night or 2 I would have. The WANT does not go away. I am being hit right now with LOTS of pressure/stress/events. What do I want to do? Drink. Could I drink for a day or 2 yea, probably. But I KNOW it would be just a matter of time before I was horizontal or back in the hospital.
IDK if this helps - but I get it. For me that in person support, whether it be friends, fam, or whomever has been KEY to me getting a measily 4 months in. lol.
I have tried every medication to "stop" drinking. You name it, I have tried it. Almost like I was looking for a magic cure. MY deal is ego. Not bragging here, but there is NOTHING in my life that I have set out to do or accomplish that I have not achieved. ALCOHOL is THE only thing that I cannot conquer alone. I work from home, this is good for me but it also means waaay less accountability. If I "checked out" for a day, no problem.
You seem like you get some time in, relapse, back in the saddle, relapse. Believe me I have done this for YEARS!!! Heck, I just posted a few days ago that it's been 4 months. Does this EVER go away? I can guarantee you that if I did not have that in person accountability I wouldhave relapsed. If I could have done it for just a day or a night or 2 I would have. The WANT does not go away. I am being hit right now with LOTS of pressure/stress/events. What do I want to do? Drink. Could I drink for a day or 2 yea, probably. But I KNOW it would be just a matter of time before I was horizontal or back in the hospital.
IDK if this helps - but I get it. For me that in person support, whether it be friends, fam, or whomever has been KEY to me getting a measily 4 months in. lol.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 870
Thanks everyone. I have quite a few problems as you all know and recently have not used alcohol to escape from them …but the unrelenting pain in my broken shoulder is just too much. But alcohol doesn’t solve that either , neither will worrying about it !
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Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,578
Back on the horse Ican. Find that sweet spot in your mind where alcohol is no longer an option. It's a relief, not a sacrifice.
Believe it or not it can remove a lot of the stress. No arguing with AV because there is no argument any longer. And we can use the day in whatever sober way we choose.
We learn as we go Ican. You can do this.
Believe it or not it can remove a lot of the stress. No arguing with AV because there is no argument any longer. And we can use the day in whatever sober way we choose.
We learn as we go Ican. You can do this.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,424
There’s some great and insightful advice here Ican.
instead of simply trying the same things again, and sooner or later ending up at this same spot, you can approach recovery in a different way this time?
maybe more support beyond SR could help?
You can live a life where nothing is worth drinking again
D
instead of simply trying the same things again, and sooner or later ending up at this same spot, you can approach recovery in a different way this time?
maybe more support beyond SR could help?
You can live a life where nothing is worth drinking again
D
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Join Date: Apr 2021
Posts: 398
Glad you came back and got back in the saddle Ican. Like others have said its not easy. I found I used alcohol to relieve all my emotions and stress. I have had to overhaul my mindset and relook at how i react to situations as its not just a case of glass of wine to wind down. I use mindfulness, reading, exercise, meditation and listening to music to help me with the trials I used to rely on alcohol to cope with. There are days when I think ugh I cant do this and I want a drink. Those are the days I am honest with my loved ones and say I am struggling today can you help me. Those are the days I pull the duvet over my head! The days become less frequent as you go along your sober journey but I do know that if I take my eye off the ball they could easily come back. 450 days sober and I still say one day at a time and I do NOT drink. I had this conversation with someone I work with last week. A driver said to me nice glass of wine over the weekend (a new driver so doesnt know me yet lol) and i went oh no i dont drink! I am no longer embarrassed to admit i have a problem with alcohol. That was part of my issue as I was quitting. I am now proud to tell people no I dont drink. I cant drink and I am a much nicer, healthier person for not drinking. It reminds me of how far I have come
Remember I can we are all quitting drinking but we all have a different journey to take. What works for some may not work for others. As has been already said find what works for you and that mindfulness place in you and then whenever you find it hard go to that place. I would say close your eyes but hey that depends on what you are doing at the time! Driving or working machinery maybe not!!! But i do find taking myself out of where I am and thinking helps me to recalibrate! Wow my step dad would be so proud with such a big word
We are all here to support you xx
Remember I can we are all quitting drinking but we all have a different journey to take. What works for some may not work for others. As has been already said find what works for you and that mindfulness place in you and then whenever you find it hard go to that place. I would say close your eyes but hey that depends on what you are doing at the time! Driving or working machinery maybe not!!! But i do find taking myself out of where I am and thinking helps me to recalibrate! Wow my step dad would be so proud with such a big word
We are all here to support you xx
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Join Date: May 2018
Location: Where I’ve longed to be all my life…..here, now.
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Glad you are back here so quickly after you decided to drink for a couple days.
It took me over TWO YEARS to get my head on straight.
I couldn’t miss alcohol (romanticize it, believe it does ANYTHING positive) and be sober forever.
What changes?
My thinking. My actions.
Posting here a new thread daily, with a day count by itself and what additional things you did the last two breaks from alcohol wasn’t the right recipe for you apparently.
Stay close, read a LOT here. You may get some new ideas here, and coupled with adding new tools and resources you will find a recipe for success.
You can do it
It took me over TWO YEARS to get my head on straight.
I couldn’t miss alcohol (romanticize it, believe it does ANYTHING positive) and be sober forever.
What changes?
My thinking. My actions.
Posting here a new thread daily, with a day count by itself and what additional things you did the last two breaks from alcohol wasn’t the right recipe for you apparently.
Stay close, read a LOT here. You may get some new ideas here, and coupled with adding new tools and resources you will find a recipe for success.
You can do it
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