Kawai

I used to read and post on this forum a lot, when my drinking first got bad, in around 2012/2013 when I was 20/21 years old.

Since then I have had a decade of psychiatric hospital admissions (not drinking related) and have mentally been very unwell. For some of that time I have drunk alcoholically, other times I haven't drunk at all.

But now I'm lost. I'm 30 years old, living with my parents, and spending every night locked in the bathroom to drink secretly and alone (they are Christian and don't agree with drinking).

I have no idea what to do. Each night is worse than the one before.

I have tried AA, but I found the meetings very intimidating, and I didn't identify much with the other women. I do want AA to work, it seems like such a positive thing, I just don't know how to make it work for me.

Does anyone haveany advice?

Dee74

Hi and welcome back Kawai - though I'm sorry to hear you are struggling.

Have you tried online AA - you'd have a wider range of meetings to choose from there.
There are many meeting based approaches now and most of them are online as well like SMART Recovery, or LifeRing.

Plugging yourself back in here regularly too could help?

D

Anna

Welcome back, Kawai.

Whatever else you choose to do, you will always find support here. It can be very useful to read and post here and be inspired.

awuh1

I know this will sound irrelevant and perhaps nonsensical but my advice is to find one person to help.... every day.... with something.....no matter how small the favor might be. Words of encouragement, perhaps just a warm smile, but something. Give something...... every single day.

ToughChoices

Welcome!

I went to AA because the only sober people I have known (in “real life”) used the AA program. I was intimidated and scared at the beginning, but I was also desperate to get better.

I have found the rooms of AA to be filled with kind, wise, giving, and non-judgmental folks who want to help others who suffer as they did. It is now a place of freedom for me!

Of course, online meetings or other support groups, therapists, etc…. are totally valid options! Just sharing my experience and letting you know that I had nothing to be afraid of in attending AA.

Glad that you are here!
-TC

Hevyn

It's so good to see you, Kawai.
I'm sorry for all that you've been through. I hope you'll keep reading & posting. We care.

nez

This was me. It was way out of my comfort zone; but then my comfort zone wasn't working nor was it comfortable either. AA has been a safe supportive classroom for me, teaching me how to do things that I didn't know how to do in the big world outside of the rooms. In a nutshell, I am finally comfortable in my own skin and with just being me. It is a great environment because I believe it is full of people in different stages of achieving but wanting and working towards that same goal. The primary purpose of AA is about sobriety, but that is just the tip of the iceberg. To me AA is about so much more, I have learned to live life on life's terms, to coexist.

Patcha

I go to secular AA zoom meetings, post here sometimes, do some meditation. A bunch of different things that give me a good foundation. Here is a list of secular recovery meetings, not just AA, but Buddhist recovery, and programs like Life Ring. If I have done it right, it will show you the meeting times in your time zone. I tried to get sober on my own but I just couldn't. Recovery is worth fighting for. For a long time I just passively hoped to be able to quit but I didn't really have any tools or skills to use to stop drinking. I guess that's where you are now - ready to find some tools to try out.

https://www.worldwidesecularmeetings.com/meetings

Steely

Welcome back Kawai.

brighterday1234

Welcome back. There is a wonderful life available in sobriety and recovery 🙏

MythOfSisyphus

Welcome back, Kawai!