A tale of two dinner parties
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Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 278
A tale of two dinner parties
I decided to get sober about a year ago, while the pandemic was still keeping me mostly at home. As the world opened up, I had a chance to start doing things sober that I hadn't done sober in many years. One of the first events was a work party. Normally I'd drink, or even pre-drink, to get happy and relaxed, and drinking would lead to more drinking and then when I got home I'd drink some more.
Well, dinner party #1 came up about 8 months ago and I wasn't exactly tempted, but I was thinking about alcohol for almost the whole night. Noticing what others were drinking, noticing how much they had, noticing that I wasn't drinking, noticing that I ordered tea from the server instead of a cocktail, noticing everything having to do with alcohol.
Fast forward to dinner party #2, about a month ago. Same restaurant, almost the same people. This time, I thought about drinking about as much as I thought about the weather, which is to say once or twice, but not much, and instead I was just present and I enjoyed myself and everything was okay.
That got me thinking about how that's a real pattern. The first time I'd go sober and do something where I'd previously been drinking (watching a game, going to a wedding, seeing certain relatives, etc.), I was self-conscious about not drinking and that ate up a lot of mental bandwidth. But the second time, I'd laid down new habits, and so there were other things to think about.
And not thinking about not drinking was just... normal.
I would file this under things I'd wish I could have told myself back in the day: "the first time you do ______ sober, you'll be thinking about not drinking, but by the second time you do it, new habits will be kicking in and it won't be as much of a thing anymore."
Not sure if anyone will get anything from reading this, but it was on my mind so I thought I'd post. :-)
Well, dinner party #1 came up about 8 months ago and I wasn't exactly tempted, but I was thinking about alcohol for almost the whole night. Noticing what others were drinking, noticing how much they had, noticing that I wasn't drinking, noticing that I ordered tea from the server instead of a cocktail, noticing everything having to do with alcohol.
Fast forward to dinner party #2, about a month ago. Same restaurant, almost the same people. This time, I thought about drinking about as much as I thought about the weather, which is to say once or twice, but not much, and instead I was just present and I enjoyed myself and everything was okay.
That got me thinking about how that's a real pattern. The first time I'd go sober and do something where I'd previously been drinking (watching a game, going to a wedding, seeing certain relatives, etc.), I was self-conscious about not drinking and that ate up a lot of mental bandwidth. But the second time, I'd laid down new habits, and so there were other things to think about.
And not thinking about not drinking was just... normal.
I would file this under things I'd wish I could have told myself back in the day: "the first time you do ______ sober, you'll be thinking about not drinking, but by the second time you do it, new habits will be kicking in and it won't be as much of a thing anymore."
Not sure if anyone will get anything from reading this, but it was on my mind so I thought I'd post. :-)
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Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 388
It took me a while to realize alcohol really does not have any positives.
When I quit drinking I was sad about missing out on all the great times alcohol allowed me to have.
It was at least 6 months before I realized alcohol literally did not enhance any situation. It only brought misery and pain.
This idea that somehow "normal" people get to enjoy alcohol and us problem drinkers just have to miss out on the fun is hogwash.
Don't get me wrong, I don't care if people drink. Most get togethers involve alcohol, I just don't miss anything about it.
When I quit drinking I was sad about missing out on all the great times alcohol allowed me to have.
It was at least 6 months before I realized alcohol literally did not enhance any situation. It only brought misery and pain.
This idea that somehow "normal" people get to enjoy alcohol and us problem drinkers just have to miss out on the fun is hogwash.
Don't get me wrong, I don't care if people drink. Most get togethers involve alcohol, I just don't miss anything about it.
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Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: NC
Posts: 5,160
I noticed the same.
Actually looking back my 1st year was about not drinking during this or that.
Once I made it through everything once, like you, I knew I could do it and my mindset changed.
Now my main thoughts about alcohol are why I am glad I am not drinking during whatever it is I never thought I could do sober before.
Actually looking back my 1st year was about not drinking during this or that.
Once I made it through everything once, like you, I knew I could do it and my mindset changed.
Now my main thoughts about alcohol are why I am glad I am not drinking during whatever it is I never thought I could do sober before.
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Join Date: May 2018
Location: Where I’ve longed to be all my life…..here, now.
Posts: 7,338
Thanks Radix and responders.
Same!
it’s great, isn’t it? The brain DOES adapt, and we reprogram our lives through repetition of thoughts AND action. No matter what the thoughts and actions are.
Glad we are choosing freedom.
🤓❤️
Same!
it’s great, isn’t it? The brain DOES adapt, and we reprogram our lives through repetition of thoughts AND action. No matter what the thoughts and actions are.
Glad we are choosing freedom.
🤓❤️
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,025
Hey Radix,
I definitely associate with that. Not on the first or second time thing, but my take on it is that we think a lot of things are fun because of drinking, but that’s not true.
Drinking brings drinking fun (up to a point), but it also hides the true fun of the situation, the “being present” you mentioned.
Once we are truly in sober mode this becomes easier to see.
Happy for you!
I definitely associate with that. Not on the first or second time thing, but my take on it is that we think a lot of things are fun because of drinking, but that’s not true.
Drinking brings drinking fun (up to a point), but it also hides the true fun of the situation, the “being present” you mentioned.
Once we are truly in sober mode this becomes easier to see.
Happy for you!
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,823
That's a great post and I found I had very similar if not identical experiences. I also remember reading very similar posts , but until I experienced it .. I dunno but it wasn't real ? lol (actually a lot of things like that happen to us silly humans , eh ? 
I'm most glad you were able to experience the two parties , and we can welcome and applaud the 'epiphany' of others when it happens for them and it will and it will be a great experience for them and us
I'm most glad you were able to experience the two parties , and we can welcome and applaud the 'epiphany' of others when it happens for them and it will and it will be a great experience for them and us
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