what do i do?
 

i found this web site back in august, it helped me sooo much for about two weeks, i didn't come back. i fell.. now i'm at work, with a bottle of wine hidden from view. i realize this is wrong, and i know i'm the only one who can stop drinking, but it is so hard. i blame everyone around me for my addiction, and i'm so tired of it. i have tried to isolate myself from everyone, so i don't have to deal with it, or have to hear about it. i want to quit but it is so hard, and i'm scared. i'm 34, i've been drinking for 15 years.. hard drinking. i tell my husband, that it's because we don't go out, we don't do anything, we're just sticks in the mud.. blah blah blah.. and how is this??? i'm typing this like everything is normal, i can even type drunk. this is so not normal. i guess i just needed to vent, because no one close to me knows this crazy cycle, and i just need to be reminded i'm not alone.

Come join us in the CHAT room if at all possible. A few of us in there that know where your at.

i am just like you...36 years old and hardcore binge drinking for 17 years. i am tired of it all too!

if i were in your situation right now, you know what i would do? i would turn off my computer, totally lie to my boss and say i'm not feeling well (which is not such a lie afterall), leave the office AND GO RIGHT TO AN AA MEETING.

nothing else matters right now except putting yourself first.

that's my opinion. that's what i would do.

you hang in there! you are NOT alone.

Brattylush,I am glad you are here.You are not alone.Hopefully you will stick around this time.

i'm so new at this point (like last time).... i don't even know how to get to a chat room. and Michael, thanks for your support, i am very spiritual, i know i'm disappointing God.. i just ask for forgiveness daily. Ink2.. how can i go to an aa meeting drunk?? I have an engagement tonight at 7:00 pm. I'm counting hours, and know that if i coordinate what i have left (wine), i'll stay buzzed til a little after, then i can hit the store on the way home.... and **** off my husband again.. i wonder how many people smell the booze on me and what they think..

You proved you are not alone...
 

God is ALWAYS with you...He is beside you waiting for one thing...for you to ask His help. As you said, you ask daily for forgiveness, and He WILL forgive you, but He would rather help you beforehand than forgive you after, and it is SOOO easy...just ask for help, sincerely, humbly, and it will be given.

God's way of helping is just that, helping us, not carrying us if we don't want to do the work necessary. What work? I'm glad you asked.

1. REALLY want to stop this insanity....not want to stop, or even really want to stop, but REALLY want to stop.

2. Ask Him for help in stopping. He will...I don't promise that, He does.

3. Do the necessary work, that is, get into some kind of a recovery program...I'd suggest AA and the 12 steps.

4. Depending on your financial/insurance situation you might want to consider treatment. I don't know where in GA you are (I'm up in the mountains...Jasper) but there is an excellent program at the Ridgeview Institute in Smyrna. It saved my life. If you go there, you want Dr. Jeffery Klopper as head of your treatment team. Rated as one of the top 5 addictionologists in the world by the American Psychiatric Association. Tell him Bob the Peanut Guy referred you, and tell him that yes, I am still sober (miracles DO happen).

5. Daily thank God for the blessings you received yesterday, and ask that He show you His will for today and that He lend you the strength to carry out that will.

You cannot do it...you and God can.

BubbaBob

[QUOTE=brattylush i wonder how many people smell the booze on me and what they think..[/QUOTE]

As I found out, many more people than you think. I thought I was fooling everyone. But people could smell it. They were often just too uncorfortable to confront me about it.

You are not alone, I can relate to the way you are thinking. The planing of the day around booze, hidden bottles, even the drunk typing!

Is life getting out of control? Stick around, take sugestions from others who are sober. Ask God to help.

bratty.....I was where you are now just 10 days ago. Tomorrow is #11 for me sober.

I was lucky, I work from home but I'd start drinking earlier and earlier every day.......used to be 6:00, then 5:00, then 4:00, you get it. I could also type and talk without anyone recognizing I was tipsy. :( But I knew it.

Wasn't until I fell out of my desk chair one night, ran over my dog's foot with the chair, heard him cry out and I just started crying. I hurt him. I was so out of control. I'm also lucky I didn't break my hip in the process. I still have a horrible bruise where I fell on the metal chair wheel when I hit the ground :(

You can do this! I know you can b/c I did. Sober is a little scary at first, but now I find I sing around the house, play with my dogs, talk to my husband, go for rides to see the Christmas lights and wake up looking forward to the sunshine.

I'll say a prayer for you for strength and comittment. Good luck and keep reading and posting. ****{hug}}}

People really do know even if they do not say it. It's kinda like if a person has really bad breath. Others are not to apt to acualy confront the person. Hang in there you can do it. Life is what you make of it.. and you do only have one of them...like the saying goes hope it ends well. Don't waste your time on this stuff. It's not worth it. You can do it!!

Bratty,
Keep comig back and posting with us and we will help support you with your efforts to quit. I know it is hard but it is so worth the effort. The best things in life usually come with a heafty price tag. Living sober is priceless hence it comes with alot of effort and perseverance. My prayers are with you.

It's Sunday, really did a number on myself. Started Wednesday, drank Thursday got home Friday Morning and started again. Passed out around 3:00 pm, woke up at 6:00 pm, and drank some more, my last drink was Friday night about 11:00 pm. I wasted my whole Saturday, because I didn't have any strength. I hate not being in control of this demon, my life has always been in my control, now everything has come down around me. I left a good job, because I was letting down co workers and was ashamed. Now I'm working at a much less paying job, my bills didn't go down any, so I'm struggling with that. I just wonder why I can't drink normal?? and I really want to know why I'm so defiant in accepting the obvious?? I think my husband is going to leave me. He's been kind of supportive, he just wants me to be "normal" too. Thank you people out there for reading and giving me advice. I know it's just one hour, one day, one minute (sometimes) to get by without giving in to the temptation. It's easier for me today, because it's Sunday, didn't buy anything yesterday and I'm too broke to go to a restaurant. But if I weren't broke, would I go?? I think so. That's so embarassing and I'm so ashamed of where I have been and am. I'll just keep reading, the posts here are inspiring and like I wrote on Thursday, it makes me feel better to know I am not alone.

Oh wow,I had forgotten about the no booze on sundays in Georgia.I used to live there myself.Anyway,dont be so hard on yourself.Today is another day.Im glad you decided to come back here.You know you have a problem,and you are wanting to do something about it.Coming here is the first step.Now,ask yourself what are you willing to do? Are you willing to go to any lengths? Cause thats what it takes for most of us. Its a lot of hard work,but I know you can do this.You can lead ahappy,normal life again.For now,just try and stay sober today.Thats all that matters anyway.And also try and get to a meeting today.If you really want this you will have to do the work.

Probably because your of the alcoholic variety. We simply can't! One is to many and 100 not enough. Your situation is very close to mine. I got sick of it and this may sound insignificant, but I was sick of the demon controlling me, I had to take control and heal, I was 42 don't wait any longer. Find a means of support, your husband will probably leave you, you may even loose your job, you'll become even more isolated. I did the blame game for my drinking too, but if you look real hard inside, you know it's about you. Give sobriety a chance, it's not bad at all!

Brattylush,

You said yourself, you can't drink normal. But you can not drink at all. There a whole lot of people in the world, some of them not even alcoholics, who consider not consuming alcohol to be normal.

A successful, happy, joyous, fullfilling, interesting, serene and fun life does not require the use of alcohol or any other drug. It just plain doesn't. When I first went into treatment, I did not believe this to be true. I remember walking up to the door of the treatment center and say aloud "I just want to get back to the point where I can drink one glass of wine." First of all, there never was a point in my 25 year using career where I could drink just one glass of wine. Second, it never even crossed my mind to think that I would get to the point where I would realize that I just don't need drugs (and alcohol is a drug) in my life.

How did I do it? N.A. and A.A. Not for everybody I am told and I certainly said many times early on that it wasn't for me. I thought I knew all there was to know about A.A. and N.A. and I hadn't even been to a frickin meeting! It took me a good six or seven months of going every Friday, Saturday and Monday night before I started to lose the obsession that I had to have alcohol in my life to be really happy. And it took over 18 months before I finally let go of the idea that it would somehow have been better if I had gotten clean all by myself.

But during all that time, I didn't stop going to meetings (especially on the days when I just didn't feel like
going to a meeting) and I didn't pick up a drug because I took to heart the idea that

every clean day is a successful day no matter what else happens.

If I can do this thing, you can do this thing. You just have to want it more than you've wanted anything else and you have to act to achieve it every single day. It doesn't happen overnight but there are so many little rewards along the way if you look for them and you adjust your expectations to meet the reality of your situation.

I know you can do it.

One Love, One Heart, Jah Bless

BL. Thanks for starting this thread. I am like most folks here I am using SR as 1 of my tools to become free from addiction. Being addicted to a drug does get tricky. I cant deny I fooled myself many times over drinking and blaming every one and thing out there for my choices. I am so sick & tired of dealing with the consequences of drinking. For today I choose to abstain. It is my life. I am taking it back. Today I am earning my freedom from addiction. You can too. Try it a day at a time. Keep writng your thoughts if it helps.

BL -

I completely empathize with you - I too still struggle with the idea that I cannot drink. I am still too new to sobriety to be able to trust myself given the opportunity to buy alcohol - so, right now, I just don't give myself those opportunities. I identify with your words, "But if I weren't broke, would I go?? I think so. That's so embarassing and I'm so ashamed of where I have been and am." I think many of us here have started out rather defiant... the drink (or the drug) has become our buddy and our crutch and - being addicts - we cannot imagine life without it. Not early on, at any rate. However, you've reached the same point I have - you appear to be sick and tired of being sick and tired (cliche, but so true)... so this is a great starting point for you. This forum is a wonderful tool in the recovery tool kit... and do try to get to some meetings. I have started making myself go (kicking and screaming at times)...and I always leave being glad and grateful to have gone. And humbler, too. You could also look into Women for Sobriety - http://www.womenforsobriety.org/ Their's is a different philosophy from AA but has the same drive behind it - a desire for sobriety. Anyhow, just hold on - do anything you can not to pick up that first drink. After the first, it's all downhill; all of us here can attest to that, and you know it yourself. Keep on coming around, and try to learn how to believe in yourself - and how worthy you are of a life free from alcohol.

You'll be in my thoughts,
Anne