HeartbrokenGirl

Hey everyone! I'm really struggling with this situation and urgently need advice. I don't want to post the story publicly. If you're willing to PM me to hear the story and offer advice, that would mean a lot to me.

In particular, I'm looking for people who have struggled with alcoholism or are currently struggling with it. If you're a male in your 20's or 30's, that would be even more helpful.

Thank you so much in advance!

RunningScared

You'll get a lot more responses if you do post it publicly. You are anonymous and it's not as if we haven't heard something similar before. If you are really concerned about anonymity you could create a new profile. Just a suggestion. Good luck.

biminiblue

Yeah, I think that you've hinted at a problem with a guy in your previous threads.

If you are not the drinker (which I'm guessing by your username) then I'd suggest reading and/or posting in the "Friends and Family of Alcoholics" subforum. There's not much you can do to change an alcoholic, so save your energy. Even understanding it is hard.

Here; Friends and Family of Alcoholics - https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ly-alcoholics/

If you are the one with the problem, just tell us. I'm pretty sure we've heard it or done it. :-|

HeartbrokenGirl

Thank you for the suggestion. I'm not anonymous. The man I need to post about could very well be on this forum. I have to post exact text messages to get advice on the situation. He would know right away it's about him. I just wish someone would message me. I'm in so much pain. :'(

HeartbrokenGirl

I'm not the drinker. I'm a girl who is in love with an alcoholic.

HeartbrokenGirl

I didn't realize there's also a chat feature. If someone could send me a chat too who is willing to help, that would be greatly appreciated.

fishkiller

Tough spot to be in.
I sympathize but if he is not ready to quit its futile to think you will change him.
I know. I Was a 20 to 30 yo drunk who gave up his marriage to keep up the debauchery.

If he is reaching out for help then by all means do what you can.

Mizz

Its just real tricky to PM.

If you are in danger or some kind of trouble call the police. From the URGENT of the thread title it just sounds like maybe authorities should get involved anyways...... I dont know. Otherwise, you could just talk about it openly and perhaps we can give some advice or opinions.

Dee74

If you are in any danger please don’t wait for answers..,leave when it’s safe to do so.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...how-leave.html (How to leave)

I’ve been here 15 years …I understand the fear of being recognised …but as long as your user name is not something people are going to trace you by, and you’ve kept the site to yourself so no one else knows you’re here, I really believe you’re as safe here as anyone else on the web, and probably safer.

You might feel you need to talk about specifics but most people find help even when they speak in more general terms about their situation.

I respect your desire for total anonymity but I think you’ll be missing on great advice by taking things off forum.

Of course in the end it’s up to you.

if you want to change your username let me know, HeartbrokenGirl.

D

HeartbrokenGirl

Thank you. I'm not in any danger. I'm not being physically abused or anything. I didn't mean to make it sound like that when I said it was urgent.

He's an alcoholic so I just worry he might browse this forum. I could be totally wrong, just makes me nervous.

I might have to post in more generalities. Is there a way to delete the post after receiving answers? I don't see a delete button on any of my posts.

Dee74

You can edit for up to 15 minutes after you post but no we don’t allow deletions.
If we did we’d have a mess of threads with holes through them like Swiss cheese.

We want this to be a helpful, and safe, place for everyone.

D

HeartbrokenGirl

Ok thank you. I’ll just stick to general questions here and there.

biminiblue

Well, I'm glad you're not in physical danger, thanks for coming back and letting us know.

We have seen it all, though. Many of us have been in relationships long-term with alcoholics and/or became alcoholic ourselves.

My one piece of advice since you may not talk about it is: When he shows you who he is - believe him.

Empty promises, physical and verbal abuse, manipulation, cheating, gambling, drugs, porn, disappearing overnight or for days, lying, betrayal, stealing, - I've been through it all with drinkers and no one yet has been able to "make" them change. Worst part is they don't even remember a lot of it happening due to memory blackouts when drinking.

Mizz

When someone shows you who they are believe them the first time- Maya Angelou

Best advice ever!

Thanks for sharing that, BB!

MrPL

Amazing advice indeed. One of my biggest insights in life was realising this also applies to ourselves, sometimes we refuse to believe what we see ourselves doing, and yet we are clearly showing it to ourselves in a regular basis (including the sacrifices we make in a toxic relationship and accept as normal - not saying this is your case HeartBrokenGirl, just linking it to the topic here)