Magnolia123

I've been self destructing.

I'm finding dealing with my feelings and abandonment issues too much to bear.

nez

What I have learned in recovery is that while dealing with my feelings and issues is a lot to bear, hard, and even painful at times...not dealing with my feeling and issues is even worse, more painful, and becomes all the time.

Once I walk through a door, I can close it behind me if I choose.

Facing myself and my past was difficult, but the reward was a better present and much more promising future. For me, it was so worth it and when you decide it is time, I believe you will come to feel the same.

Anna

Nez is right. I find it's ultimately more painful to not deal with issues. You can deal with the emotions you are feeling and get through this. You can learn to sit with your feelings and be okay.

Magnolia123

I feel so guilty.

I'm just really tired

Alpine

I have found when I drink it makes my emotions harder to control and deal with and often unpredictable. I do not like that feeling at all and am now learning how to deal with emotional and stressful situations with a clear head which is darn tough,but a far better alternative IMHO.
I have felt guilty, tired, exhausted, etc. Give yourself a couple of days without drinking..It will be hard...But you will be feeling better and in a better frame of mind. I wish you the best.

Takeaction

Try to make Day 1 really count by coming up with a up with a plan.

I’m early into my sobriety but what I had to realize was that I was causing immense damage to myself and others by continuously drinking. I was responsible for going to the gas station multiple times to get liquor etc. Nobody kept me strapped up to a never ending bottle… I did. You have to want to stop for yourself.

You can do this, Magnolia 🤍

Magnolia123

I really don't ever want to drink again.

fishkiller

Then don't.
As those wiser than myself have already said it does get easier to deal with emotions and pain once we get sober.
You must trust this Fact

You already know alcohol doesn't work. The pain and emotions are still here. They always will be to some degree. They do not have to be this torturous and overwhelming though.
The only way to control them is to get sober and work through it.

You will thank yourself later.

nez

What is the plan for dealing with the guilt?
What about feeling really tired, how are you going to address that?

Magnolia123

I don't know how to deal with the guilt.

As for tired, I'm going to have to rest for a few days.

Alpine

I sure have my fair share of guilt....and probably always will, I am just trying to move forward. I believe it is Hevyn that has a tag line that says " You are better then the worst thing you have ever done" or something similar to that. That is very true to me. You need to let some of it go to move forward. I am struggling to do that too, for me ,it is the only way to achieve the life I want. Another thing I do that people recommended to me is run a tape forward in head of what happens when you drink. I do that and do not like the end result at all. You can do this, you have to have confidence in yourself. I am rooting for you.

Dee74

Congrats on day one

D

Hevyn

Magnolia - Thanks for be honest about what happened - I'm so glad you posted about it. Proud of you for making this Day One. We promise it can be done. I had a rough start early on - but I finally got free. You will too.

nez

As to the guilt, what I did was to write down all the things I had done that caused me guilt. I then figured out if an apology was owed and if so I made it. Then I figured what corrective actions I could take to insure that I did not repeat the behavior that caused the need for an apology in the first place. Not surprisingly, staying sober was pretty much always at the top of the list. In addition I set out to repair any damage that had occurred as a result of my actions or in-actions. Staying sober also helped in this aspect as well.

As to the tired, I decided to take better care of my physical body and mental frame of mind. Once again, staying sober played a key role.

This course of action was not easy by any stretch of the imagination, but it sure helped with the dis-ease of my alcoholism with it's accompanying guilt and feelings of always being tired.

dustyfox

Congratulations Magnolia - Day one is a great start.

RecklessDrunk

Getting some distance from that last drink should help with guilt. Days after drinking, especially the day after the buzz is long gone but that poison still lingers all throughout the body. At least to me it always seemed that the lingering poison would ratchet up feelings of guilt and shame and anxiety.

A little bit down the road this kind of stuff is covered in the steps of AA should you go that route. Down the road though, for now just know in time that if you stay sober you will become a better version of yourself and you will be ready to handle the more difficult stuff.