marit3303

Hello everyone,
You may or may not have seen me post on here before, I've only ever created one thread, and I stopped coming to this site about 4-5 months ago. It's been a long year so far. If you don't know who I am already, my name is Marit, I'm 19 years old and I just finished my first year of college (and I'm majoring in nursing). Some things have changed since I was last on this site. I moved back home to live with my parents again. I'm transferring schools- I'm going to my local technical college to get my Associate degree instead of my bachelor's, so I'm taking an easier, more relaxed path. And I think it's going to be a lot better for me- I'm starting off this fall by only taking 2 classes and they're both going to be online. I got a new job, working in hospice and doing home care, I'm a nursing assistant (CNA) and have been for a while. I started this job 2 weeks ago, and so far I'm already falling in love with it. This job has random urine drug tests so my days smoking weed and doing any other drugs are finally at a complete end for good. But what was stopping me from feeling complete was definitely alcohol. This past school year I was drinking every single day, but I finally stopped. Today is day 4 for me now. And I feel really good, I really do. I've been here before though, and just because I feel good now doesn't mean it's going to be easy. Nothing about this is easy, as you all know already. I'm saving up for my own apartment too- and that is a big goal of mine- to have independence like that. There are a few things I worry about with my new sobriety- the first one is I'm going to Greece with my family and some friends in about a month- and the drinking age is 18- which means I know everyone I'm with will be drinking around me all the time and I'm going to have to still try to stay sober. The second thing is- and I know this is far into the future still- is when me and all my friends turn 21. If I'm still sober by that time, and I'm really hoping I am, I know it's going to be really really difficult. And I will feel very out of place. But I'm trying my hardest to focus on one day at a time. My biggest goal of all is to graduate college and become a nurse- and that is probably my main motive for sobriety- because I know my relationship with alcohol is corrupt and if I continue to drink at all it will lead to worse things- which will make it very hard for me to achieve this goal. I apologize for the long post- I just wanted to update/introduce myself to you all again properly. So that's my story, thank you for reading.

Anna

Your goal of becoming a nurse is great and it sounds like you have a good plan in place for doing that. Stay focused on your recovery and your nursing degree and you will be fine.

I can tell you I could not have gone on vacation in very early recovery where everyone I was with was drinking. It never would have worked for me. Recovery takes a lot of motivation, planning and making lifestyle changes to support your sobriety. Often that involves new and different activities and spending more time with people who don't drink. You're at a point in your life where you know what you want to achieve career-wise and you know it won't work with alcohol in the picture. You can do this!

Free2bme888

Welcome!

Nursing school is very demanding, and so building healthy stress relieving activities outside consuming alcohol are a must.

What are some of those for you? Keep the list handy for when you are stressed.

What brings you pleasure in a sober way? Keep,that list handy when you think you want a drink. Do the list instead.

What do you use for distraction, so that the impulse to satisfy an immediate need is thwarted?

Laundry,
walking,
exercising,
studying
working,
cleaning,
baking,
cooking,…….the list can and should be customer to your lifestyle.

Nursing is a very moral and ethical endeavor, and human lives are counting on your sobriety, intelligence, and compassion. Welcome to the start of nursing school.

Sounds like you identified on campus living, and financials were a big stress, and you are taking action to simplify your life and ease stress. These are very good things.

Dee74

I remember you Marit - good to hear from you again
You'll hear from a lot of people here that they wish they quit when they were your age

You will also hear a lot of people say that they had no idea what their sober life would be like, but it turned out to be way better than they imagine.

It means a lot of sacrifices tho - or things that right now might seem like sacrifices - especially initially.

The Greece thing doesn't really sound like a good investment in terms of your recovery...if you won't rethink going, at least start to think about things you can do that don't involve drinking?

D

Orchid1

Hi Marit! Dee is right, I wish I had as much sense as you at 19 to quit because now I'm 31 and can only imagine what my life would have been if I had done what you are doing. That said, I can tell you my experience last week because I think it relates a little. By Wednesday morning I was starting my day 6 but later in the day I would be going to a work event that was heavily booze oriented and that night go to the mountains for vacation so I figured, I'm probably going to have a glass of wine today so let me just have one now so it would have been my decision not circumstances, that kicked off drinking for the next 3 days, now I haven't drank for the last 2 days. Thinking to that first drink on would be day 6, that is probably one of the dumbest line of reasoning I have had this decade! Also my trip was not better because of drinking, in fact the last two days showed me that. What I had was this perceived pressure and demand from those around me when in reality I was just talking myself into it. Just stay sober today. The wisest man said "do not worry about tomorrow, tomorrow will take care of itself, sufficient for the day is it's own trouble."

Hevyn

Good to see your update, Marit. I hope you'll stay with us & post often. It really helps to talk things over with those who understand. Unfortunately, our friends & family can't really know exactly what we go through - even when they try hard to get it.
I like the changes you decided to make - very sensible & realistic. Be proud of yourself.

PhoenixJ

I was a qual'd nurse and then taught nurses, good for you ..
post here every day..especially in Greece, to show yourself, to yourself ,you are accountable and responsible for what you do. Keeping a journal, attending online AA zoom meetings...all suggestion.

marit3303

Hey everyone,
Today I am 12 days sober. That is a record for me- and even though it's a record, I still feel like I could just jump to a real milestone like 6 months or a year. But I am still really proud of myself. Everything feels a lot easier. It is much easier so far than I thought it was going to be. And I think that's because I really have the support I need. I have a new job that I love, I'm home with my family and friends, and get to do the things I love. I'm also not in school at the moment haha. But I will be going back to take 2 online classes at the end of August. My parents said they would moderate their drinking while we go on vacation in Greece to make me feel more comfortable, and so I'm not always the only one sober. I'm really grateful for that. I hope you are all doing well. If anyone wants to share anything that they relate to with my sobriety experience so far or advice or anything at all, please do. Stay safe and healthy <3

VikingGF

Great job on 12 days! It’s wonderful that you asked for and got support, that will really help.

Anna

12 days of sobriety is great, Marit. And, I think that changing your program a bit to make it less stressful is a good idea.

DriGuy

I felt like that at 12 days, and it was a record then too. And dontchaknow, I went straight to 6 months and kept going right past my first year. I'm now at 26 years. If you feel like you can, you can. Sure it's not in the bag, and takes a lot of paying attention, and thinking sobriety 24/7, which I didn't find hard because I was really grateful for my new life. Be grateful for it, pay attention, and think logically, and you will do it.

MrPL

Great to read this Marit. Making the necessary changes in our lives to prioritise our well being is essential, and not easy to do, so well done for that.

Looks like you are on to a steady serene recovery process, there’ll be ups and downs, of course, but keep these thoughts and mindset and you’ll nail it.

Happy for you.

biminiblue

I quit drinking and still had weeks at a time with my drinking family on vacations.

I told them I had quit because I had a problem with it, but once they are all drinking, they continued to offer me a drink, for like 15 years!?!

I don't get why they couldn't just leave me alone, but they didn't. I didn't drink. When they would start getting silly I would go to bed or to my room or out. It was annoying, and they became different when they drank - and they weren't huge drinkers, but it did change them.

tnman1967

Marit, I quit at age 46 after drinking since my teenage years. Believe me when I say that If I would have stuck with my sobriety plans at a young age, my life would have been so much easier. Let's see, DUI's. Public intoxicaton arrest, Fights with broken teeth, lost many posessions while drunk, almost lost my marriage. Please do not go to Greece. I understand how disappointing this seem, but it's all an illusion that you can go and not drink. I really don't want to sound like a negative person but I't s really not easy that early in sobriety. I would say for the first your your goal is to not go to parties, not travel where other people drink, heck don't even go down the aisle where the booze is in the store. You get the picture. Take it from someone who was foolish enough to think that I could control the drinking. I relapsed more times than I can count. You can be free from this horrible thing and you can do all the fun things again but it's too early in my opinion.

Juve

Marit,

So glad to see you here again!! And you sound so much better and grounded than in that first thread, from what I remember. It sounds like you're building a real-life support system.

Let's all recover and heal.

Johannes

marit3303

Day 14 is now coming to an end. Two weeks!! Compared to the first few days of sobriety (in bed all day, binging netflix, sleeping most of the day) the past few days have been very productive. I started picking up my old hobbies again- jewelry making, digital art, and today I started writing poetry again, for the first time in like a year. Today at work I also was able to chart on my patients on my own system for the first time- which doesn't sound like a big deal, but with my job doing that for the first time made me feel a lot more independent and makes me look forward to the end of my training process even more. (Training is 6-8 weeks). So tonight I just finished writing two poems- one about caring for someone with dementia and one about addiction and recovery. I thought I would share the second one with all of you- since you can all somewhat relate. It's called 'If Alcohol Was a Person' and it's a long metaphor about that idea- and the place I'm describing in it is the state of being intoxicated.
when I was sixteen years old
i met someone for the first time
she took my hand
led me to somewhere i had never been before
when we went to that place
for the very first time
it felt magical
it felt like i had no more worries
no more sadness
no more anger

for two years
i saw her every once in a while
we always went to that same place
that magical place
i felt the same feeling
as i did that very first time
i felt good

when i was eighteen years old
i started seeing her more
a lot more
as we went back to that place
over and over again
it began to feel different
not so magical anymore
when we went to that place
i felt numb

i thought was the right thing to do
to see her
and go to that place
yet over time
the numbness
turned into helplessness
since
there was nowhere else we ever went
it became tiring
emotionally taxing

i started seeing her everyday
going there everyday
eventually
i was stuck in that place
i could not leave
why can't we leave
i asked her
she did not answer

as i stood still
i watched as she took things from me
my sense of self
my trust in my self
my hope
my dreams
my goals
my health
my productivity
my love
for living

not only did she take these things
she took people too
the most important people in my life at that time
she took them from me
as i stood still
in that place
that was no longer magical

now
today
it has been two weeks
since i have been to that place
since i have seen her
you could say i escaped
you could say i became strong

yet the truth is
all i did was
find my strength
it was there this whole time
hiding from me
i have myself back now
i am here now.
i am happy now.

Dee74

Both the poem and 2 weeks is excellent Marit

D

advbike

Wow, Marit. What a moving poem. Beautifully written!

Fantastic job on two weeks. You are doing great, but please be cautious- it is around this time that the AV starts to become more active and call to us. The key is to never take the first drink. Make it 'not an option' and it will make it easier to resist.

Wishing you success and a happy life.

FlyingDutchMan

Sure I remember you Marit, welcome back! That’s a powerful poem you wrote there. I never read any poetry because half of the time I haven’t got a clue what it’s about. But this, I can relate to this, it’s inspiring.

I was going to suggest to make your sobriety public to your travelling partners but you’ve already did that, and it seems to have worked out. It’s nice to have people around you who take your struggles -of which I hope you won’t have any- seriously.

Stay in touch!

Hevyn

Marit - I loved the poem, & certainly can relate. I tried to find that magical place long after it was no longer possible. Wasted a huge chunk of my life trying.
I'm so proud of you for your 2 wks. sober. We know how hard it is to get started, but you're doing it!