A bit about me
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2022
Posts: 22
A bit about me
I am 33 and i am married with 2 children, a 1 year old and 6 year old.
I have always 'liked' a drink and got brought up in a household where alcohol was brought out for any reason. My mum is an alcoholic we no longer speak.
In the last 5 or 6 years my alcohol consumption has increased to around 5 nights a week the 2 days off are only to prove to myself I can and I am just waiting for the next day I can drink again. I am a binge drinker and have got to a point where there aren't enough hours in the evening to even feel as drunk as I want. I don't even really know why I feel like I want to be so drunk I have a pretty happy life generally with no more stress then what comes with having a young family.
I have finally come to a realisation that I can't continue like this and that actually people who don't drink aren't boring! This is what I always believed as this is what my mum would say growing up.
I am on my day one now and cannot stop thinking about alcohol, knowing that I won't have it is making me think about it more. I am keeping busy with my children but they aren't a bug enough distraction for me. I need some words of inspiration and positive stories!?How long do the intense thoughts and cravings last? I feel like I just need to sleep early everyday just to get through the days, but that isn't always possible.
Thanks everyone!
I have always 'liked' a drink and got brought up in a household where alcohol was brought out for any reason. My mum is an alcoholic we no longer speak.
In the last 5 or 6 years my alcohol consumption has increased to around 5 nights a week the 2 days off are only to prove to myself I can and I am just waiting for the next day I can drink again. I am a binge drinker and have got to a point where there aren't enough hours in the evening to even feel as drunk as I want. I don't even really know why I feel like I want to be so drunk I have a pretty happy life generally with no more stress then what comes with having a young family.
I have finally come to a realisation that I can't continue like this and that actually people who don't drink aren't boring! This is what I always believed as this is what my mum would say growing up.
I am on my day one now and cannot stop thinking about alcohol, knowing that I won't have it is making me think about it more. I am keeping busy with my children but they aren't a bug enough distraction for me. I need some words of inspiration and positive stories!?How long do the intense thoughts and cravings last? I feel like I just need to sleep early everyday just to get through the days, but that isn't always possible.
Thanks everyone!
Last edited by Alexdvs88; 06-04-2022 at 05:42 AM. Reason: Remove grammatical errors
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,169
Wow! I could have written all that. In retrospect, drinking was boring (eventually). That's the outcome of doing the same thing over and over again, but there is also a mental attitude toward whatever you do over and over again involved.
Yes, when I stopped drinking, all I could think about was drinking. You think day 1 is hard, wait for day three. That's when I used to cave. A counselor told me that most of her clients crashed around day three. Without alcohol in your system, your body starts to scream, and for the first few days, it gets worse and worse, like a child having a tantrum that won't quit. Day 5 was my worst, and then I suddenly found serenity. Part of this was that was the day I accepted I could never drink again.
As for proving to ourselves we don't have a problem, I suspect we all did that. I did it. I forced myself to go one night without alcohol, just so I could prove I wasn't an alcoholic, although I hated almost every minute of it. Still, I reported to a friend that I went one night, and we both agreed I must be OK. But I wasn't, of course.
Now you are down to two days off. Superficially, this sounds like a step in the right direction, but it's not, and there are a couple of reasons why. First, as an alcoholic in recovery once said, "If you have to work to control your drinking, you are not in control of your drinking." This can be debated of course, but to an alcoholic in recovery, this resonates as wisdom of the highest order. Second, if you are an alcoholic, cutting back, slowing down, learning to moderate, or getting control of your drinking is not the solution. The overwhelming consensus, is that we have to quit for good.
In recovery, quitting for good, makes it clear that the perception of life with out at least a smidgen of alcohol in unthinkable and unbearable is patently false. In fact, quitting for good is the easy way out of the nightmare. Worse yet, the overwhelming consensus is that it's the only way.
When I say "Worse yet," I'm using a flawed perception as humor to make the opposite point. A year into sobriety, I described not having alcohol in my life was as easy as easy could be. For me the experience of 26 years without a drink has been joyful and fulfilling. There is nothing "worse" about it. I wouldn't trade it for anything. I still have problems in my life. Reality doesn't go away, but I have one huge life destroying burden off my shoulders, and I'm grateful for that every day.
Welcome to the group. I hope you find it useful. A group played a big part in my own recovery.
Yes, when I stopped drinking, all I could think about was drinking. You think day 1 is hard, wait for day three. That's when I used to cave. A counselor told me that most of her clients crashed around day three. Without alcohol in your system, your body starts to scream, and for the first few days, it gets worse and worse, like a child having a tantrum that won't quit. Day 5 was my worst, and then I suddenly found serenity. Part of this was that was the day I accepted I could never drink again.
As for proving to ourselves we don't have a problem, I suspect we all did that. I did it. I forced myself to go one night without alcohol, just so I could prove I wasn't an alcoholic, although I hated almost every minute of it. Still, I reported to a friend that I went one night, and we both agreed I must be OK. But I wasn't, of course.
Now you are down to two days off. Superficially, this sounds like a step in the right direction, but it's not, and there are a couple of reasons why. First, as an alcoholic in recovery once said, "If you have to work to control your drinking, you are not in control of your drinking." This can be debated of course, but to an alcoholic in recovery, this resonates as wisdom of the highest order. Second, if you are an alcoholic, cutting back, slowing down, learning to moderate, or getting control of your drinking is not the solution. The overwhelming consensus, is that we have to quit for good.
In recovery, quitting for good, makes it clear that the perception of life with out at least a smidgen of alcohol in unthinkable and unbearable is patently false. In fact, quitting for good is the easy way out of the nightmare. Worse yet, the overwhelming consensus is that it's the only way.
When I say "Worse yet," I'm using a flawed perception as humor to make the opposite point. A year into sobriety, I described not having alcohol in my life was as easy as easy could be. For me the experience of 26 years without a drink has been joyful and fulfilling. There is nothing "worse" about it. I wouldn't trade it for anything. I still have problems in my life. Reality doesn't go away, but I have one huge life destroying burden off my shoulders, and I'm grateful for that every day.
Welcome to the group. I hope you find it useful. A group played a big part in my own recovery.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,921
Welcome to SR!
"have got to a point where there aren't enough hours in the evening to even feel as drunk as I want."
I can relate to that comment. I solved that problem by going to harder liquor. It took a long time for beer to get me where I wanted to be, so I added vodka to the party. Chasing shots of vodka with some beer was the start of a progressive downward cycle. I'm so glad those days are over for me.
Stick around here everyday, this place can help you get sober.
"have got to a point where there aren't enough hours in the evening to even feel as drunk as I want."
I can relate to that comment. I solved that problem by going to harder liquor. It took a long time for beer to get me where I wanted to be, so I added vodka to the party. Chasing shots of vodka with some beer was the start of a progressive downward cycle. I'm so glad those days are over for me.
Stick around here everyday, this place can help you get sober.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: NC
Posts: 5,157
Welcome!
It's hard. I won't lie. But it does get easier.
In the beginning I spent ALOT of time here on SR.
I cannot recommend it enough.
With a young family the rewards for giving up the poison will be countless.
I have 2 young grandbabies with a 3rd on the way and they will Never see me drunk, passed out or hungover. I wish I would have been that way for my children but I was not.
Give yourself, and your family, the gift of a sober life.
You won't regret it.
It's hard. I won't lie. But it does get easier.
In the beginning I spent ALOT of time here on SR.
I cannot recommend it enough.
With a young family the rewards for giving up the poison will be countless.
I have 2 young grandbabies with a 3rd on the way and they will Never see me drunk, passed out or hungover. I wish I would have been that way for my children but I was not.
Give yourself, and your family, the gift of a sober life.
You won't regret it.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 743
The obsession we have, to put a chemical in us that we know damn well is going to do much more harm then good, is a form of insanity! But its a temporary insanity.
The cravings decrease over time but its not a straight line down. You could crave more on day 7 then you do on day 5. That might alarm someone as it may feel that oh no, I've reached my limit I can't stay sober anymore because these cravings seem to be getting worse. Sometimes the obsession can give us the illusion that alcohol is something like food or water or sex and we can only go so long without it. When we have the obsession we can forget that alcohol is a poison and there is absolutely no physical reason the body needs this.
I learned to recognize cravings as insane thoughts. If I look out an airplane window it looks like it would be fun to jump out and fly around without a parachute but that just isn't reasonable. The more I get use to this the less frequent, and weaker these cravings get.
Sometimes I just do a simple cost benefit analysis. Only factoring in the next 24 hours. What will actually happen if I pick up a drink? Will I stop at 2 beers? If I did is that even worth it? How will I feel in several hours? How about several hours after that? Will I get out of control? Did I ever plan to get out control? How did that work out? What about the out of control drunk i had after that one? Did I plan that one out? How will I feel tomorrow if I drink? No seriously, how have hangovers really been lately? Does it seem like they are improving? How will I feel tomorrow if I don't drink?
The cravings decrease over time but its not a straight line down. You could crave more on day 7 then you do on day 5. That might alarm someone as it may feel that oh no, I've reached my limit I can't stay sober anymore because these cravings seem to be getting worse. Sometimes the obsession can give us the illusion that alcohol is something like food or water or sex and we can only go so long without it. When we have the obsession we can forget that alcohol is a poison and there is absolutely no physical reason the body needs this.
I learned to recognize cravings as insane thoughts. If I look out an airplane window it looks like it would be fun to jump out and fly around without a parachute but that just isn't reasonable. The more I get use to this the less frequent, and weaker these cravings get.
Sometimes I just do a simple cost benefit analysis. Only factoring in the next 24 hours. What will actually happen if I pick up a drink? Will I stop at 2 beers? If I did is that even worth it? How will I feel in several hours? How about several hours after that? Will I get out of control? Did I ever plan to get out control? How did that work out? What about the out of control drunk i had after that one? Did I plan that one out? How will I feel tomorrow if I drink? No seriously, how have hangovers really been lately? Does it seem like they are improving? How will I feel tomorrow if I don't drink?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,169
Originally Posted by RecklessDrunk 
The cravings decrease over time but its not a straight line down. You could crave more on day 7 then you do on day 5. That might alarm someone as it may feel that oh no, I've reached my limit I can't stay sober anymore because these cravings seem to be getting worse.
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
Great post Alex - I relate to all that you said! Unfortunately, I was much older than you when I finally faced the truth. I'm so glad you won't let alcohol steal any more of your life. Admitting we have no control once it's in our system is very hard. That's why I spent years trying to moderate. I always thought life would be dull & there'd be no joy without it. So I allowed myself to lose everything by seeking fun & excitement - ridiculous!
It is hard in the beginning, but it didn't take me long to be so grateful to be free of it & all the chaos it was causing. Gratitude overtook some of the resentment & fear of missing out. I realized if I needed alcohol to feel upbeat, happy, enthusiastic, etc. - that something was wrong & needed to be dealt with.
There is no doubt you can do this. Very glad you are here.
It is hard in the beginning, but it didn't take me long to be so grateful to be free of it & all the chaos it was causing. Gratitude overtook some of the resentment & fear of missing out. I realized if I needed alcohol to feel upbeat, happy, enthusiastic, etc. - that something was wrong & needed to be dealt with.
There is no doubt you can do this. Very glad you are here.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New England
Posts: 4,420
Welcome to you, Alex. You already have the attention of some very smart people- listen carefully to what they have to say. I am sober almost 9 months and my life is completely different because I face it differently now. Being drunk takes you right out of the game- life controls YOU. Once you don't drink, you are in charge- you can respond how you choose to what happens. It sounds challenging but it is a true blessing to behave in a way you can be proud of- you can be a better person and parent. You are estranged from your alcoholic mom, and you have kids. History repeats if we fail to appreciate it, so good for you changing it up. You can do this- and you now have TONS of support.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Welcome!
At age 33 I knew I had a problem with alcohol, but I didn't do anything about it. I went to a few meetings, decided I wasn't that bad, and went on about my life.
At age 54 I woke up in the hospital. They were calling me John Doe because they couldn't find any ID on me.
I wish I had come to terms with it at age 33.
Best of Luck on Your Journey!
At age 33 I knew I had a problem with alcohol, but I didn't do anything about it. I went to a few meetings, decided I wasn't that bad, and went on about my life.
At age 54 I woke up in the hospital. They were calling me John Doe because they couldn't find any ID on me.
I wish I had come to terms with it at age 33.
Best of Luck on Your Journey!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2022
Posts: 22
Hi everyone and thank you for your kind messages of support and knowledge.
I am on to my day 2 now, not feeling any urges right now, however it is only 5am! I also spoke with my husvand last night about stopping alcohol. He is going to join me in my journey and has agreed no more alcohol in the house going forward. He has a couple of bottles of cider he will have after work this evening then no more. He is different to me in that he can take it or leave it so I imagine he will continue to have alcohol if he is out on a social occasion, whereas I am well aware that I can't be that person!
Have a great Sunday everyone
I am on to my day 2 now, not feeling any urges right now, however it is only 5am! I also spoke with my husvand last night about stopping alcohol. He is going to join me in my journey and has agreed no more alcohol in the house going forward. He has a couple of bottles of cider he will have after work this evening then no more. He is different to me in that he can take it or leave it so I imagine he will continue to have alcohol if he is out on a social occasion, whereas I am well aware that I can't be that person!
Have a great Sunday everyone
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: NC
Posts: 5,157
That's awesome about your husband quitting too!
My wife was the same. Take it or leave it.
About 3 weeks in I told here I had quit and she joined me also.
Neither has had a drink since. Over 2 years.
We must do this ourselves but having someone so supportive is a blessing and definitely helps.
If you haven't looked into AVRT I highly recommend it. It will explain why we think the way we do about alcohol and help you head off relapse by recognizing the signs before they get out of control.
There are many methods and everyone is different but that has been my best tool.
My wife was the same. Take it or leave it.
About 3 weeks in I told here I had quit and she joined me also.
Neither has had a drink since. Over 2 years.
We must do this ourselves but having someone so supportive is a blessing and definitely helps.
If you haven't looked into AVRT I highly recommend it. It will explain why we think the way we do about alcohol and help you head off relapse by recognizing the signs before they get out of control.
There are many methods and everyone is different but that has been my best tool.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Adelaide
Posts: 99
Hi Alex,
Good for you. You are a year younger than I was when I gave up drinking. Although I did not have any kids, I was certainly in a relationship with a wonderful person with plans to in the near future.
It took for that person to walk away for me to get sober. Broke my heart and took me a long time to find acceptance. But my mind was anything but clear and healthy. Her leaving saved my life. I was an absolute disaster and living a complete fabrication.
You do not have to wait until you have lost anything substantial. Nobody does. They call them the "not yets".
ie I have not yet been fired,
I have not yet been caught drink driving,
I have not yet spent a night in jail,
I have not yet been homeless...
The list goes on, the point is, all of the above (and more) are waiting. That is what lies ahead for many of us (all of us*) and for a few on here, provides commentary of where they have been and living some of those "not yets". It sounds melodramatic and it is so easy to become complacent in dismissing them as unrealistic outcomes.
"Yea, I wasn't THAT bad!!!!" - thats fine! Likely true. But, it is a slippery slope we are all on, all heading to the same destination without taking this sh*t seriously.
I absolutely applaud you. To have the support of your husband (without resistance at all) says to me he might be relieved that you have made this decision without any obvious prompting (from what you have written, I am making presumptions a little and hypothesising). You have the ability to dramatically improve your life and those who love you.
Fantastic to have you onboard and you will find so much support and wisdom on here - and at any time.
Good for you. You are a year younger than I was when I gave up drinking. Although I did not have any kids, I was certainly in a relationship with a wonderful person with plans to in the near future.
It took for that person to walk away for me to get sober. Broke my heart and took me a long time to find acceptance. But my mind was anything but clear and healthy. Her leaving saved my life. I was an absolute disaster and living a complete fabrication.
You do not have to wait until you have lost anything substantial. Nobody does. They call them the "not yets".
ie I have not yet been fired,
I have not yet been caught drink driving,
I have not yet spent a night in jail,
I have not yet been homeless...
The list goes on, the point is, all of the above (and more) are waiting. That is what lies ahead for many of us (all of us*) and for a few on here, provides commentary of where they have been and living some of those "not yets". It sounds melodramatic and it is so easy to become complacent in dismissing them as unrealistic outcomes.
"Yea, I wasn't THAT bad!!!!" - thats fine! Likely true. But, it is a slippery slope we are all on, all heading to the same destination without taking this sh*t seriously.
I absolutely applaud you. To have the support of your husband (without resistance at all) says to me he might be relieved that you have made this decision without any obvious prompting (from what you have written, I am making presumptions a little and hypothesising). You have the ability to dramatically improve your life and those who love you.
Fantastic to have you onboard and you will find so much support and wisdom on here - and at any time.
Last edited by Kejun; 06-05-2022 at 03:19 PM. Reason: Spelling and clarification
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2022
Posts: 22
Morning, start of day 3.
Thank you all so much, honestly I am so happy I found this site the support and honest care is amazing. You really do boost moral and encourage me to stay o this journey.
I am taking in all your advice and reading up on anything that is recommended.
I am on parental leave at present so don't have the usual Monday blues of work, however this just makes days mingle into one which can get boring.
I am trying to keep busy everyday and planning what I will do as it seems to help me knowing what is coming the next day.
I feel fine at the moment but I usually do on a morning, for me the struggle seems to start mid afternoon until around 7pm.
I con do this and I don't need alcohol!
speak soon!
Thank you all so much, honestly I am so happy I found this site the support and honest care is amazing. You really do boost moral and encourage me to stay o this journey.
I am taking in all your advice and reading up on anything that is recommended.
I am on parental leave at present so don't have the usual Monday blues of work, however this just makes days mingle into one which can get boring.
I am trying to keep busy everyday and planning what I will do as it seems to help me knowing what is coming the next day.
I feel fine at the moment but I usually do on a morning, for me the struggle seems to start mid afternoon until around 7pm.
I con do this and I don't need alcohol!
speak soon!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: NC
Posts: 5,157
I never drank before noon. You know because that's what alcoholics do.🙄
However after 12 and it was game on so I understand the evening cravings.
Do something different. Break the routine. We must train our brains to not associate evenings with alcohol.
It takes a while but it works. We are creatures of habit. We need to make new, healthy habits.
You Can do it
However after 12 and it was game on so I understand the evening cravings.
Do something different. Break the routine. We must train our brains to not associate evenings with alcohol.
It takes a while but it works. We are creatures of habit. We need to make new, healthy habits.
You Can do it
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,169
I never drank before noon either, until one day, I looked at the clock, and it was almost noon. 11:30 AM seemed like it was close enough, so I drank, and on that day I had a new set of rules. Well, actually, I threw away the rules. That was toward the end of my drinking (somewhere in the last two years), because I knew what was happening to my life. I couldn't even abide by a simple 12:01 PM rule anymore. You can watch your life fall apart, and watch your sickness progress and still keep on drinking. It's like watching someone else's nightmare.
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