DriGuy

Yes, 7 days or thereabouts is usually when you notice the cravings subsiding. Cravings, are still there but will become more manageable. That in itself is a shot in the arm, just seeing some possible light at the end of the tunnel, but it is formidable 7 or so days ahead. Just be ready to hang onto your hat. The only help I can be right now is to promise you it will get easier once you crest the worst of it. Then you won't have to exhaust yourself fighting this thing, but you will need some new strategies on maintaining this new found freedom. This will be an easier task, but you will not be able to rest on your laurels. You will have to use your higher brain functions instead of sheer strength of will. Oops. I wrote "skill" rather than "will." But now that I think about it, you will replace will with some new skill. This is not a problem, as long as you don't try to slide. It's also immensely rewarding, so it doesn't feel like a sacrifice.

Broken965

I understand the whole not wanting to go to the Dr bit. My hubby has been pushing me to go for a yearly checkup but I have resisted bc I am afraid my liver enzymes will be elevated.
I can't give much advice bc I am right where you are in recovery. I will say today I have kept myself very busy with stuff so I can hopefully avoid any triggers. And I get on here as much as I can.

Lets both hang in there! We can do this!

Orchid1

No kidding Dri, today twice the desire was so intense I literally could not think about anything else. I came here but did not know what to write. Did not drink, I go on a camping trip in 3 days, a work event in 2, I may be on here alot. Feel good though, but feelings does not sobriety make.

Orchid1

Yes we can Broken! Yes we can!

Orchid1

So day 5 going good so far, yesterday was a real struggle! At the end of the day I just decided to take a benadryl/zzzquil so I could just fall asleep and take a break from the mental gymnastics. At some point though before I fell asleep the intense craving had gone away and I was resigned to not drinking, that felt good. Then when the sleep kicked in I realized it felt like that sleepy drunk feel minus the taste and hearthburn/acid breath, I did not like it. No more sleep aid for me. I have decided I will tell my husband I am no longer drinking, I avoided it because I kept telling myself I was not ready but as I was writing on someone else's thread I realized that was just an excuse, if I told him and should I slip and he see me drink, I would have to face it in a much more intimate way. I was basically giving myself an 'out'. I cant be serious in this and have that, so I will tell him today I am laying of drinking for now, then when I have a bit more time under me and my brain has healed, I will explain why in depth.

Orchid1

One more thing, today is trash day and I don't have to go around the house finding my stash of hidden empty bottles to throw away so there is no trace...FEELS GOOD!!!! But also I feel the craving creeping in...and my body is starting to complain physically of the lack of alcohol so some GI distress and woke up to either my liver hurting or insane gas, gone done for now though.

Anna

Good for you on Day 5. And, getting rid of the empties is a great feeling. I think your body will continue to heal in the next days and weeks.

fishkiller

Day 5 is Great!
Good Work!

It gets easier. Hang in there

Broken965

I relate to so much of what you have said! I am planning to tell my hubby soon that I am in recovery. You are right, its like an "out" when you keep it a secret, I hadn't realized that till I read your post. I emptied out all my booze today and felt good doing it. Hopefully it will be easier to abstain without it a few feet away. No more hiding my shame in the trashcan!
Cravings are tough and triggers are worse. It's like we are reinventing our whole lives and that is stressful. But it will be worth it. We just have to get there.

Have a wonderful sober day!

Dee74

congrats on 5 days Orchid

D

Hevyn

So proud of you, Orchid. 5 whole days - fabulous.

LilyLady1

Yes, I've had this feeling before. No choice for me but to come clean with the doctor now. My blood tests from this past Friday show elevated liver enzymes (AST and ALT). My doctor ordered the bloodwork to check my cholesterol and general health. The evidence of alcohol effects are right there in the lab report, so no hiding it. I'll ask about a liver CT to check it out further. But, you know, these doctors, they've heard it all and seen it all.

Today is day 12; I knew I had to quit (again) even before the blood draw.

novips

I have come to conclude that there is a type of alcoholic who can only stay sober by fully committing to the recovery program of Alcoholics Anonymous. I am one of those types, and your post made me think of pages 21-26 of A.A.'s Big Book, which you can read for free here: https://www.aa.org/sites/default/fil...ook_chapt2.pdf . If interested, you can find local A.A. meetings here: https://www.aa.org/find-aa/north-america .

Orchid1

Last time I was here was afew days ago, since that time I have been in the mountains with no cell service. I drank on what would have been my day 6 and what was 1 glass progressed to 7 by end of day, 3/4 a bottle of wine the following day, 1 glass of wine and 2 beers the day after, a sober day and now today another sober day. I knew before and I guess now I know even more that once I start it takes a lot for me to stop before I black out. That is my problem, I cannot stop till the blackout. Yesterday (day 1) I felt fine, same as today, not that I didn't think of grabbing a drink yesterday it's just that I didn't. On the second day as I was knocking back the wine I realized I was the one doing most of the drinking in a group of about 7, not that I behaved unseemly but that struck a cord when I thought back to it later. I am back in my element tomorrow so I imagine my day 3 will be more challenging. My resolve has not changed though I feel that bargaining AV logic creeping in, I cannot drink.

Orchid1

Start of day 3, all good, best thing that has happened thus far is my resting heart rate is at 75!!!! When I was healthy 7-8 years ago it was 66, the last couple of years it has been at mid 80s and after a particular heavy drinking session 90s. Cant believe I have just been living at sub health for so long of my own doing.

fishkiller

What's the new plan?

What made you decide to drink?

Orchid1

Honestly fish, it was just foolishness, I convinced myself that I was probably going to drink over the next few days so rather than let it be a peer pressure thing I would drink of my own free will. WHAT BUFFOONERY!!! Sometimes I amaze myself with the nonsense that proceeds from my mind because even if peer pressure would have played a part(there was none) it would have still been my decision to drink or not, I guess that is why 3 days into it I thought this is dumb and stopped. Fish I don't feel shame, maybe I should but I don't, what I feel is educated of the lengths I will go, that I must always be on guard for the greatest trigger, myself. So I guess my plan is that, same as before(one day at a time) armed with the knowledge that currently, maybe till my end my mind is my biggest threat.

fishkiller

Thanks for the honest reply.
I drank everyday for a few decades because, well I will drink again eventually anyway so why not today? I get it.

What happened to you was a full frontal AV attack. You dropped your defense and listened. Simple as that.
It can happen everytime there is a trigger or, as it seems to have happened here, you recognize it happened and have a renewed determination to not falter again.

Your brain is not the enemy, the AV is.
With sober time and work the AV will shrink and you Real brain will take over. You won't have to fear your thoughts forever, we do have to remain vigilant though.
No need to feel shame. I was ashamed of my drinking for a very long time, never once kept me from doing it.

As they say,
Do Not Drink No Matter What

fantail

This is advice that I didn't take myself for a long time (years, actually) of trying to quit, so I understand it's a hard one. But I really recommend telling your partner that you're quitting. It adds a layer of accountability because you will know that he will know that you want this to stop. It is one of the scariest conversations to have because you're taking away your ability to go back to pretending that it's fine and you can drink socially. But it's an important step to take, whenever you can manage it.