Mind over matter
 

Really struggling today. Sometimes I think that if I avoided my am coffee that I wouldn’t be so anxious. I’m trying to remember to breathe. I have friends to call today.
Monday is my first real day of work at this new position. I’m truly scared. What if I fail?
Just for today I want to be happy. I wish I knew what normal looked like for other ppl.
Texting my bf a lot. She’s really helpful.
Thanks for listening!

I’m sure someone as tough as you will be just fine in the new job, Peke. It resonates with me, though, as I remember having a 2 or 3 week break from alcohol in 2017, but I decided I needed a drink to calm my nerves the day before starting. I did indeed have just the one drink that evening, but of course I just carried on drinking as normal in the days, weeks and months after. You’re passed that stage now, but I sympathise with the nerves :)

I wanted to avoid coffee this morning Peke, but it was too sad, so I had one. :)

Now I'm going to make 'bubble and squeak', on toast, for breakfast. Bubble and squeak is left over vegetables from last night's dinner, fried in butter, on good bread. It's yum, but I shouldn't be eating so much butter, either. Oh, well. I'm not drinking, so bubble and squeak, with butter and a coffee is ok by me. I'm working on it.

If you want to know what is 'normal' Peke; it's totally normal to feel apprehensive about starting a new job. Tetrax made me smile in one of his posts, where he said, "failure is just success that hasn't happened yet. :) You'll do a great job Peke, you are very accomplished from what I can work out.

Anxiety, begone.

Peke, I mean this in a caring, concerned way, so don't take it wrong.

When you're worried about Monday, you're not able to be present now, on Saturday. I well understand the tendency.. believe me.. but you have to let go.

This is ALL Ego at work. Destructive mind talk. Negative. Because in reality you are very capable, you just can't see it.

So, the key is to ask yourself - What's the worst that can happen? You hate the job or don't do well. They fire you. So what??!!! You're still there, living the dream.

Ohh, but wait.. your reputation might be damaged. Right? Sorry.. that's also your Ego at work. A construct. Because, why does it matter, really?

What other people think is meaningless, in the larger scope of things. It is THEIR mistake if they don't value you.

All that really matters is you are alive, to enjoy TODAY. If you want to.

You have a loving husband. Adorable dogs. A roof over your head. Food in the fridge.

Enjoy today, Peke. Right now life is beautiful.

And congrats on not drinking!

I think a certain amount of nervousness is normal before starting a new job, but I also think you’ll be great PL :)

D

Thank you all so much.
Hodd, thank you for understanding my nerves!
Steely, the bubble and squeak sounds delicious. I think that I saw it on the menu when I was in London. (Maybe it was bangers and mash). Anyway, it sounds delicious. Thank you for your reply.
Advbike,
well you’re very right! I’m not living in the moment. I need to stop ruminating and start breathing. If I lose the job it was still a great experience to have the interview. I can’t live with this fear and anxiety anymore. It’s too much seriousness. I forget to laugh. I will enjoy today. I will remind myself that this is all temporary.
Thank you Dee!

I'm from Australia Peke, but bubble and squeak is a British dish. Peasant food. It's come back into vogue. Lol

Bangers and mash is sausages and mashed potato. Also a British dish, but we sometimes call it that here too. We're all class in the colonies. Lol

You're doing great Peke. You're not drinking. Herein lies the proof.

I agree, you're doing great Peke. Good luck on Monday. :)

You will do very well at your new job, Peke don't worry. For me, I must have two coffees per day to keep me going. Agree it can cause some anxiety if it is too strong or I have an additional one :) All the best to you!

You will do great Peke—I get super nervy in a new position too—it will be OK :Valdog:

Good grief…my apologies, Steely. It says right there that you’re from Australia. But I thought that you’d perhaps moved. It’s funny, I grew up in Philly. We have a peasant dish called “scrapple”. (Don’t google it). Anyway my family really enjoyed eating it on a Sunday morning. I’m now vegan (eye roll). It’s not fun. Believe me. I think the things that I miss the most are salami, soprasatta and liverwurst.

Thank you Hawkeye. I hope that I can sleep tomorrow night. Jeeze, how old am I? Fifty-three? Or twenty, lol.

Calmsef, do you enjoy the little “up” that coffee gives you? I do. I had my coffee maker set on “strong”. I’ve since turned that setting off.

Thank you Anna!!!

I'm going to have to google "scrapple", Peke. :)

If i can, I will cook it in honour of of your family. In honour of Sunday.

Peasants rule ok! :)

Hmmm, maybe I shouldn't have googled 'scrapple' Peke. :)

Interesting to learn that it has Pennsylvania Dutch origins. One of my best friends in high school was Dutch. She taught me how to count to 10. Her father was a pastry cook, who made the most delicious pastries. Her name was Johanna, and ....

I am twee years sober. :)

Hi Peke, I’m the worst person on the site if not the planet to give job advice 🤣 but I know it’s a massive time consuming task to recruit new staff. They won’t have employed you unless they thought you were any good. Remember what you’ve been through these last few months - some awful stuff - and you didn’t cave in. I bet you most people working there won’t have anywhere near your level of strength.

You Will Not fail.


And I Love scrapple!!!! Yes I know what it is, yes I know it is not the best food for ya and I do not eat it often anymore but Man that stuff is Gooooodddddd!

I like scrapple too ;)

My FIL loves scrapple

Caffeine is dangerous for people like us.

So is hunger but fasting has been so effective keeping me in shape at 47 years old. I know extremely well how I react to fasting and caffeine so its no longer a tight rope walk.

I treat coffee like another food. Maybe its a drug but I treat it like a food. Drugs and alcohol I can't stop or moderate but caffeine i can. Too much can mess up my sleep and make me feel horrible. Something like regulating fiber, I need it but too much will hurt my stomach (and potentially put me over my daily carbs).

I fast about 16 to 23 hours at a time and eat once or twice a day, depends on the day. I take just enough caffeine to get through the activity I have planned. Its amazing how much better I sleep avoiding caffeine in the evening and taking the least that I need throughout the day. Just enough to be productive.

I start each morning with prayer and meditation. I try to take complete control of my breathing, heart rate, brain activity. Waking up and not having enough time to meditate before work sucks and I rarely ever let it happen anymore.

Peke,
You are going to do a fabulous job. Its such a blessing for you to have this positive thing to look forward too.

Your life is turning around. Your husband is cancer free. You are getting back to being healthy. You have a LOT to be grateful and thankful for. You are sober. You are doing all the things necessary to maintain your sobriety. You have a home. You have food. You have been blessed, Peke. Everything is moving in a positive direction. Keep on keeping on being your awesome self.

Dont be afraid to let your light shine bright! Onwards and Upwards!

Hey Peke--I'm outside of Philly--very familiar with scapple(though I don't eat it!)