Scott2295

Hi Everyone - My mom had a stroke about 8 years ago and my dad has been the primary care giver for that time. They are both in their late 80s. My mom has progressively gotten worse and now is totally reliant on my dad for everything. I had to take my dad to the ER last Wednesday morning for breathing difficulty. He was admitted overnight and is back home doing well. It appeared to be bronchial congestion and is being treated. I had to stay overnight with my mom and it was a night from hell. She was up every 15 minutes for most of the night. I’m sure fatigue played a big part in his ER visit. Regardless we have determined that it’s time for her to move into a nursing home. It should have been done sooner but he wanted to take care of her. He is on board now with the nursing home idea. I’m starting the process today. I’m at the center of this since there is just my brother and me and he is not capable of doing this task. He is 58 and still depends on a monthly check from my dad to live.

In the past, stressful situations and wanting to escape was a huge trigger for me. In 2018, my wife’s mother passed away and all the estate cleanup was left to me as well. I responded by accelerating my alcohol abuse and literally crashed January of 2019. My recovery process began at that time and today I’m almost 6 months AF after almost 3 years of trying. I am determined to never give up my sobriety so I’m taking this preemptive action to start this thread. Any help and support is welcome.

Thank you for reading.

Anna

Scott, I'm glad your father is okay and it sounds like moving your mother to a nursing home is the best choice. It will probably be a challenging time for your family. It might help to try to remember to take some time for yourself. Go for a walk or do some kind of exercise to help relax you. You're determined to remain sober and that's the most important thing.

venuscat

I think you are a wonderful son Scott. s
Absolutely here for you through every step of this. s ❤️

Alpine

Scott, that is a lot to deal with. Like Anna said take some time for yourself.

Britbird80

Hi Scott

Well done for reaching out to everyone.

Can totally relate to acceleration of use when things like this are happening, its incredibly stressful and upsetting but its good you've now a plan in place which will hopefully relieve the stress on everyone and your mum will hopefully be comfortable in the home when she moves there.

These sorts of things take a toll on us physically and mentally and you're doing amazing by sorting things and being totally present and supportive for them, something you couldn't do sober.

Definitely take time out as everyone said, not easy when you've a million things going on in the mind but just doing something relaxing will help and as you say your nearly 6 months sober so can't lose that.

Hevyn

Scott - I'm so glad we finally realize that alcohol is not our friend - it doesn't calm us down or ease our anxiety. I always ramped up my drinking to combat stress - never realizing how it was making my troubles so much worse. Clear headed is the only way to go - even when things are painful. Be glad that you know this & will not fall back into our old trap.

Just telling about what's going on may help relieve some of the stress you're feeling. You know we all care & are behind you. We know how hard you worked to achieve your 6 mos. sober. Be proud of yourself & go easy. You're doing the very best you can.

fishkiller

Sending strength your way Scott

Stay sober and make decisions with a clear head and things will work out.

Caramel

Wishing you the best, Scott, as a new chapter opens for your parents.
I hope they will both receive the very best of care and support.

There will be people and organisations who will offer guidance and advocacy.

I'm sure you will make wise choices for your parents and for yourself.

Take gentle care.

nez

Kudos Scott on almost 6 months during this difficult time. I became my Mother's caregiver in early sobriety and I was around 6 months when she passed. All I can tell you is that 19 years later, I still consider being able to be fully present for my loved ones during their hard times, the greatest gift that sobriety has given me!!! It truly is a win/win situation and brings some serenity to turbulent situations.

During the last few months of Mom's life, I became upset over what I viewed as my sister's inability to woman-up and be there for Mom in the manner that I deemed she should be. Mom knew I was agitated. She looked at me with tears welling in her eyes, took my hand, and said "She is doing the best she can." A big time life lesson that I would have missed had I still been drinking. There were many more. It may have been a hard and painful time, but it came with so many gifts. Mom and I became even closer than we had ever been and we taught each other lessons right to the very end.

It is great and speaks volumes about you that you took the preemptive action of coming on here. Continue to be strong. Be vulnerable. Be compassionate. Do right. It is worth it!

Steely

Wonderful post by nez. ❤️

You will get through this Scott, and you will get through it sober.

I have similar stressors going on with my daughter, and can't tell you how grateful I feel for remaining sober throughout. The very thought of me drinking during this period has me cringe in horror.

Things have a way of working themselves out Scott, as has been the case for me. Things aren't perfect, but I'm sober and I'm learning, and that's all that matters to me. My daughter's life will not be improved by me drinking, and nor will your Mum and Dad's. And as for our own lives, the writing is on the wall!

It'll be ok so long as you don't drink.

Congratulations on 6 months Scott.

Dee74

Sounds to me like your are doing all the right things Scott - for your family and yourself. We’re here to support you every step of the way

D

Scott2295

Thanks everyone. I’ve made a little progress today, not much but it’s the first dive into finding a place. The caregiver who was supposed to give my dad some respite today didn’t show up but did leave a voice message that they were not available but he didn’t check it. Another thing to train him to do.

Scott2295

I wanted to give everyone an update. Things are going much better. My dad is healing and feeling better. My mom got some new meds that helped tremendously. She was like a completely different person today. I made progress with my dad and got him to think about assisted living for him and my mom in the not to distant future. That was a huge start. It was a huge win for me in that I faced a really stressful situation and did not compromise my sobriety and I never really felt that it was at risk but I was very aware of the risk. Thanks everyone for your support. It meant a lot to me.

calmself

Things will start looking up soon, Scott. Sending strength. Lets keep our band together - Yourself, Robbie, Mr PL, Colin and myself. You will get thru this.

VikingGF

Sorry for all you are going through, Scott, but glad to hear things are looking up. You're doing great and your parents are lucky to have you.

Willow00

Scott I’m so glad your Dad’s feeling better and your Mom has improved with the new medication. It sounds like you’re doing an amazing job, both by remaining sober throughout the challenges and by being able to support your parents as they face the transition into the next stage of life. I know it’s a really stressful time. You’re doing great