dustyfox

I am glad I asked too Obladi - my motivation is complex - I do want them to avoid the pitfalls of drinking because I think they have the potential to fall even further down the rabbit hole than I did. I didn't fall so far down that I ever lost a career or anyone even really knew - I was a high functioning alcoholic and an accomplished liar.
I adopted my children when they were 3 and 4 years old, after being scrutinised by social services for 18 months to check that I was ok - I managed to cut down on my drinking and pass a medical and give up smoking completely.

Anyway my children were taken away from their birth parents because of addiction , violence and chaos. Since being with us they have both been in therapy and now are doing pretty well, utterly delightful, but their trust in adults is non existent.
My daughter in particular has many issues and I fear for her if she ever drinks alcohol. She already knows what drugs and alcohol do to peoples lives because she has lived it. I feel, as already expressed, shame that I continued to drink heavily once they had been here for about a year. I know they did not realise as I was very, very careful to hide it but this did not help my guilt.
Both children look up to me and trust me , my son trusts me completely. I wish I could tell them, but I feel perhaps it would only be to ease my conscience and at this moment in their lives I don't think they could even process it, I think it might be too much.

I do appreciate all the comments and opinions on this matter. I think I have many issues to work through and this is a big one for me and I am still not sure what point, if any, I am trying to make. Perhaps I just needed to get this thought process out in the open as it were.