Jeni26

Hey my friends.

I’m not sure how many of you will remember me. I was once a very active member of this forum, I needed lots of love and understanding as I tried to get sober during the years 2012-2016.

Yes, it really took that long before I finally had really had enough of all the anxiety, regret and shame that alcohol was responsible for.

I’ve been sober for over 6 years now and have built the life I always dreamed of. I’ve given up the job that was behind so much of my stress, and have retrained in another direction, my kids are happy and living independently and hubby and I are able to make time for each other and our relationship.

So, now, at this minute I find myself craving cigarettes and alcohol. I’ve visualised going to buy them and have deliberately now got in my pjs so I won’t be tempted to leave the house. Planning to drink is the first step of relapse and I’m scared.

All because of a family dynamic between me and my sister in which she’s being unreasonable and unfair and it’s reminded me of how unhappy and powerless I was growing up. It’s taken me to a dark place and I’m having to set really firm boundaries about what will accept from her. She’s my little sister and I’ve always tried to protect her and seeing her so damaged has really upset me.

Needing some love and support right now my friends ❤️

Cityboy

Sorry you are having to deal with these thoughts. It sounds like you are craving some alternative to how the situation with your sister is making you feel. Of course alcohol is not the answer, and will only make matters worse, but you already know that. There must be a positive and productive way to handle it.

itsmaria

Hey it sounds like you've done some amazing work. Sorry you are struggling. In stressful times those urges for bad coping will come back.

Just for a while though, it will pass. Hang o n to that and keep writing here if it helps.

suki44883

Welcome back, Jeni. It's good that you recognize what is happening and that you came here to post about it and get some good support. Of course you know, logically, that drinking isn't going to change anything regarding your sister. Nor is it going to change anything about how you felt growing up. That is all in the past and done, and as you said, you have built the kind of life you always dreamed of.

Thoughts are just thoughts; everyone has them. Coming here and talking about them instead of acting on them shows you are using the tools in your toolbox. Even getting into your jammies to stop you from leaving the house shows you are being proactive. I think you got this, Jeni.

Mizz

Jeni- It is so good you have posted here and using this tool as a means to get through this moment. Its a moment. All of your hard work and progress truly shows. You are a true warrior!

Family dynamics can be one of the hardest thing to navigate. Boundaries are essential, and as uncomfortable as you might be, it shows you have the skills and tools to do what is best for your life. From what you have described you are being very healthy about this situation. We got you. We are here for you.

Hawkeye13

Those childhood emotions are so strong and I relate. My brother is coming here from abroad for a long holiday with friends and I asked him to help sort and empty the dozens of boxes from our mom’s estate clogging my upstairs for over a decade now and he has the usual excuses of why he can’t do much. I immediately fell back into the family dynamic and craving and tears both hit hard for awhile.

Jeni, that history isn’t worth losing sobriety over for either of us. We deserve the life we are building sober, so place those boundaries as needed without guilt or regret.

As Captain Kirk from Star Trek might say. . . “Shields up Mr. Scott”. . .

Hevyn

Hi Jeni. I remember very well what you went through in the past, trying to get and stay sober. You've done a wonderful job of rescuing yourself. I'm so glad you want to talk things over here once again.

The situation with your sister is disheartening. I have felt that same way in the past, & was desperate to calm myself down. I did that many times - but it always led to even more chaos, anxiety, & misery. I know you realize that. We can't help being tempted to fall back on our old 'friend' to cope with the unfairness. But we know better than to ever go back to that awful place. Right?

least

(((Jeni))) I'm glad you came here to vent and share your feelings. You are stronger than you know so give yourself a pat on the back.

I remember you well.

Congratulations on six years sober! Sending you love and hugs from Ohio.

Dee74

Hi Jeni - good to see you

It’s great you know what’s driving these cravings and that you came here for support.
Like others have said, thoughts are thoughts but it’s what we do with them that counts

Obviously you’re upset by this family situation, but if your sister is being unreasonable, it sounds like the problem is at her end, not yours?

As for what it’s reminding you of, you are no longer that child and you are not powerless.
Your life is good, and so are you. Choose serenity

D

sugarbear1

Good to see you Jeni! You have my support, but I have no experience with this situation.

Just know you have love and support.

~SB

Steely

I'm glad you came back for support Jeni. We need your 6 years of experience too.

Can only say I relapsed after 5 years and it turned to complete disaster. Have never read one case where a return to drinking produced anything but despair.

Please don't take your feelings about your sister, nor memories of the past, out on yourself Jeni. I've done it myself, and it doesn't work, just hurts more. There are far better ways. Not drinking, and coming here to share, being but one. I hope you continue to post.

Tomorrow marks 4 months for me not having a cigarette Jeni. Please don't smoke. Just like alcohol, it never produces the desired result. Ever.

Love and understaning Jeni.

Happy May Day. 🌺

RAL

Please dont throw everything you have achieved and your life away by drinking.

Drinking has no answers.it provides no solutions. It just brings pain and sorrow and regret. Together with shame and fear and utter desolation for giving up your sober life. Whatever your family issues are they are not worth drinking over xx

awuh1

Hi Jeni, It's been a long time. Sharing a little love and understanding is one of the easiest things I can do for someone like you. You always struck me as being quite open and honest. I believe this has served you well.

It seems to me that the situation with your sister has triggered some depression. I think we both share the weakness of attempting to use alcohol to cope with this condition. You know as well as I do that it's a trap. Do some alternative things to help your mood. Some running (or fast walking) at least 3 times a week. Talk to a therapist. These are things you CAN DO to address it in a positive way. You are a very special individual for whom I have fond regards. Please take care. You deserve all the best.

dustyfox

Hi Jeni - family dynamics can cause such hurt and upset, I really do empathise with this. We do have the power to make choices though, and sometimes it is best to withdraw. Your 6 years of sobriety and all that it has achieved is too precious to risk losing.
I hope this difficult situation resolves itself and you can return to enjoying your wonderful life.

Obladi

Hi Jeni,
I remember you.

It’s so good that you recognize what’s going on and know just what to do about that. I fully support the approach of getting into pj’s as a tangible manifestation of your intent. I’d say keep ‘em on all weekend if that’s what it takes.

I can certainly relate to that feeling of being trapped and helpless in family dynamics and how your child brain could be freaking out. I don’t know the answer to that yet, but I have the feeling it has something to do with comforting that long ago child you once were.

Something that intrigues me but I haven’t tried yet is to literally rewrite the story with a better ending. Just throwing it out there in case that idea fits for you.

Much love and deep respect for your long-term sobriety and the act of self-care you have done by posting today.

O

Anna

Hi Jeni, Welcome back, and congratulations on your recovery.

I'm glad you recognized that you're in a vulnerable position at this time and that you're here seeking support. I can definitely relate to your feelings because I was completely powerless as a child and it was quite traumatic. I know that certain situations trigger those feelings in me. You have worked hard to have the life you wanted and you are no longer powerless. Step back from your sister, temporarily, until you feel more sure of yourself. You need to take care of you.

courage2

Hi Jeni, I'm so glad you remembered us and came back when you felt the need. '

Asking for help means you're at least halfway to turning negative thinking around. But it sounds like you need a little affirmation, so, yes! The answer is yes! Don't drink! Sobriety is worth everything!

Picture yourself, really picture yourself at your bottom. What did you look like? How did you feel? How much self-respect and decency did you have? How useful were you in the world?

Don't ever go back. Excelsior!

Pondlady

Jeni, It's good to hear from you, we joined the same year. Six sober years is wonderful. Family relations can be such a trigger, I understand. I agree with what Anna said about taking a step back from your sister and focus on some self care.

It sounds like you've made some changes to enhance your sober life......good for you

tursiops999

Jeni, sending love and support your way.

Jeni26

Thank you all so much. Your words have felt very comforting. Today is a new day, and I feel much stronger and full of resolve. Those thoughts of smoking have disappeared now. The thoughts of drinking weren’t as strong but I knew that smoking was just the first step towards full on addiction mode, and it scared me.

sending you all love and gratitude. I will be ok ❤️