The day I pray I never forget, my last day drunk.
Life is Grand
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Michigan
Posts: 2,039
The day I pray I never forget, my last day drunk.
It was 28 years ago today that I took my last drink. I remember it like it was yesterday, what the weather was like, where I was staying, how HORRIBLE I felt mentally, physically and spiritually. Tomorrow 4/27 is the anniversary of when I went from existing, to living. There are no words to describe how grateful I am for everything and everyone in my life. If anyone out there doesn't believe in miracles...here I am, one of Gods own. It still chokes me up every single year.
To the newcomer,
I know it is hard remembering those dark days. I was there often. There were tears, nightmares, sick stomach aches filled with dread and fear, regret, shame, all of that and more. Please know this, it does get better. The memories fade and there is less anxiety with sober time, forgiveness for yourself and self-love will come with work. People will welcome you back and begin to trust you again (some will not, it is a sad part of our disease). The world will seem brighter one day, you will notice that the sky is bluer than you remember etc. Life will get better if we just don't drink. Don't think that life doesn't happen though, there will be trials and sorrow, just like the "normies" feel. It is during those time, when our disease tries to creep back into our lives, and it is most important then, that we DO NOT forget how we felt and where we were on that last day drinking. For when we forget how bad it was, we are in true danger of going right back there. So today is a celebration day for me even though it is not my anniversary day, it is the day that I hit bottom so hard and felt so horribly bad that I knew I never wanted to go there again. I pray I remember that feeling all my life, only today, I can be grateful for it. You will also one day, and you will be telling the newcomer this story to help them get and stay sober, if you just don't use. Thank you all for helping me along this journey.
Peace, Cathy
To the newcomer,
I know it is hard remembering those dark days. I was there often. There were tears, nightmares, sick stomach aches filled with dread and fear, regret, shame, all of that and more. Please know this, it does get better. The memories fade and there is less anxiety with sober time, forgiveness for yourself and self-love will come with work. People will welcome you back and begin to trust you again (some will not, it is a sad part of our disease). The world will seem brighter one day, you will notice that the sky is bluer than you remember etc. Life will get better if we just don't drink. Don't think that life doesn't happen though, there will be trials and sorrow, just like the "normies" feel. It is during those time, when our disease tries to creep back into our lives, and it is most important then, that we DO NOT forget how we felt and where we were on that last day drinking. For when we forget how bad it was, we are in true danger of going right back there. So today is a celebration day for me even though it is not my anniversary day, it is the day that I hit bottom so hard and felt so horribly bad that I knew I never wanted to go there again. I pray I remember that feeling all my life, only today, I can be grateful for it. You will also one day, and you will be telling the newcomer this story to help them get and stay sober, if you just don't use. Thank you all for helping me along this journey.
Peace, Cathy
Giving up is NOT an option.
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,808
Thank you for this wonderful post. And congratulations on 28 years!
I can also attest to any newcomers who may be feeling the emotional roller coaster of early sobriety that it DOES get better. Especially if you find a program of recovery that works for you, and you work that program. There are many different ways to heal and many different tools you can use, but the key is to find them, use them, and ASK FOR HELP if you need it.
I can also attest to any newcomers who may be feeling the emotional roller coaster of early sobriety that it DOES get better. Especially if you find a program of recovery that works for you, and you work that program. There are many different ways to heal and many different tools you can use, but the key is to find them, use them, and ASK FOR HELP if you need it.
Member
Join Date: May 2021
Location: England
Posts: 1,848
Thank you Surly Redhead - I can not remember my last day of drinking but I remember waking up at 4am and thinking I have to stop. Your post is a very welcome reminder of all we have been through to get here. 28 years is fantastic!
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
I never wanna forget how I felt when I woke up after drinking for two days. I hated myself and wanted to die. I knew I had to stop drinking or I would die. I don't know what was different about that day, but I never again drank.
It took awhile but my life is so much better now. It can be a bumpy ride at first but it gets better.
It took awhile but my life is so much better now. It can be a bumpy ride at first but it gets better.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2021
Posts: 398
Amazing post Cathy and congrats on 28 years!!
I most definitely will never forget that last night of drinking. I have to remember it as it was the night i nearly destroyed my life. Thank you for the reminder that we must never take our eyes off the ball and must be forever grateful that we are now sober xx
I most definitely will never forget that last night of drinking. I have to remember it as it was the night i nearly destroyed my life. Thank you for the reminder that we must never take our eyes off the ball and must be forever grateful that we are now sober xx
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,154
Originally Posted by Surlyredhead 
It was 28 years ago today that I took my last drink. I remember it like it was yesterday, what the weather was like, where I was staying, how HORRIBLE I felt mentally, physically and spiritually. Tomorrow 4/27 is the anniversary of when I went from existing, to living. There are no words to describe how grateful I am for everything and everyone in my life.
As per the thread title, I can't remember my last day drinking. I just remember that period at the end of my drinking and some of the exceptionally surreal episodes in it. I lost the memory of my last night. I don't think it was anything different from most of the nights in the previous year. But I did file my anniversary date, January 3rd, so I could remember my sobriety birthday. My strongest memory of the end were the 5 days of nightmarish cravings after January 3rd that came to an abrupt end when I attended my first AA meeting. While I never bought the program as something that fit my life, I experienced my first glimpse of hope seeing others who had 25 years and more, and with never a regret. Those with less years, were a big help too, and there were several of those. It was that night I realized sobriety was not only possible, but something to embrace with gratitude.
For the new comers, open yourself up. Stay on the lookout for those yet unrealized keys to opening the door to sobriety. They will be surprises, because they are yet unrealized. Be open to yourself. Many of the keys will not come in the form of tips and rules, but through inner realizations and insights as you learn more and have personal insights. There is light at the end of the tunnel, and it comes from a very bright place.
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