Relapsed and alone
 

I'm 37 years old. I went to inpatient treatment for 30 days in December-January 2022 and was able to stay clean for awhile. Then I got back together with my ex and relapsed (I know, not the smartest idea). Now it's been over a month and I'm still using; my boyfriend went into inpatient and didn't tell me he was going in until the day before; and I just found out that I lost my insurance because I was a total space cadet and forgot to pay a bill. I haven't been successful quitting on my own in the past but I don't have any other options right now if I want to stop using. But I'm extremely lonely and anxious about my future because I know I have to do something.
I'm not trying to throw myself a pity party, I just have realized I've dug myself into a big hole and am looking for ways to get out. Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thank you.

Hi, I'm glad that you want to stop using. You will find lots of support here. You can also check out AA or NA in your area where you will be able to find meetings and support. Did you get any information about that when you were in rehab? I know it feels overwhelming right now, but you can get yourself out of the hole and back on track. :)

Welcome tgregory, sorry to hear you are having such a rough time. I have been there and it does get better. When I first got sober I heard others say it gets better and just felt like that was so corny/not possible/not true for me. I’m thrilled to tell you I was wrong. I’m not sure what your drug of choice is (mine was alcohol) but I really found that connection was the key to help me get out of the continuous day 1 cycle. I didn’t go to any facilities so looked for free resources. I joined a class here and posted everyday. I also started attending AA meetings online which was so helpful to hear other people going through the same thing and feeling the same way I did. The meetings in those first few terrible weeks were paramount in getting me to stop drinking. I eventually found a home at recovery dharma and I attend meetings online fairly regularly and I still post here. I also read a ton. We are the Luckiest and this naked mind were 2 of my favorites. I listen to recovery elevator and this naked mind podcasts on the regular too.

You can do this a better life is waiting for you with open arms! Keep posting and reading others posts!

One suggestion is to get a plan together. Attend meetings if this has helped you in the past. Make a commitment to post here daily. There are many threads to participate in. You can get yourself out of the hole. Take it one small step at a time.
You can do this. I believe in you. Do not be defeated. Just get back to the basics of getting sober first.

Even tho my drugs of choice were alcohol and marijuana, posting here daily definitely helped me tgregory.
I think there needs to be two things - a desire to quit and for change, and a commitment to action to make the quit/change happen and endure?

D

Welcome! You will find great support here, just stick around. Glad you've seen the reality of your situation - face it head on and you can work out of it.

Stick to the basics - stay clean, group support of some kind (like here or AA/NA), work, eat, sleep. Over time it gets better.

Glad to have you here, tgregory.

Not very good your bf didn't tell you until day before tg. That must have been very upsetting for you. Would me.

You've been inpatient. You know the drill tg. And you know you want it. You don't need inpatient to get clean tg. Sometimes you do, but you've just done it, so don't worry about not having insurance and readmission, just keep coming here for support and encouragement. Lots of old and new hands to talk to 24/7. Keep reading, scrolling, contributing. We need you too.

If you've benefited from AA/NA in the past good idea to reconnect. And if they are new to you why not give them a try?

We're all in the same boat tg. All trying to get clean and sober. Two years for me, and it is so much better. Not easy, but so much better than the misery of using/drinking. :(. I hope you decide to join us.

Welcome Tgregory.

I'm in agreement that as long as you know you want it then you can do this. A plan is very important. AA says a day at a time but sometimes at the beginning that can be too hard so I started with an hour at a time (well I was fine until 4pm then I would be like ooooo wine o clock and thats when my one hour at a time started). I attended AA meetings online which were so helpful to me. I read lots of books on alcohol and sobriety and how addiction affects our bodies not just our minds. I included my loved ones so that they could support me and understood that I couldnt have just one drink. This site was immense especially at the beginning of my recovery. I was on here daily at least reading the posts even if I did not feel strong enough to post myself. Now with just over a year of sobriety I still come on here and post. Its about not dropping the ball. I still live by my one day at a time I will not have that first drink mantra. It will the mantra for the rest of my life. I know without a shadow of a doubt I do not want to ever have another drink as my life is so much better now I'm not drinking. Dont get me wrong the stress and anxiety is still there but I have built new pathways like meditation and mindfulness to help me through those hard days. Sugar was my best friend when I first quit too. I reasoned that even though sugar isnt good its better than alcohol. I have now recently started to cut my sugar back down which I'm sure my waistline will love me for but it worked for me. I'm not saying these paths will work but I love that we all can say what helped us and suggest and then you can try them and work out a plan that works beautifully for you. Remember anytime you feel you are struggling please come on here. We are all over the world (im in UK) so there will normally be someone about online that can respond and chat. And there is a wealth of information and advice on these forums! I have made some lovely friends on here and all we want is to support you and celebrate all your wonderful milestones!! Sending you hugs xx