EarlO

Hi everyone been lurking here for a while now and am ready to join the group. I have been battling my addiction for alcohol most of my life. Just turned 48 years old a couple months ago and I am just sick and tired of being sick and tired. So many things have happened lately that just are screaming at me to stop. My tolerance seems to have diminished lately but I’m not really sure that’s the case. It may be that I am just drinking so much more and binging more frequently. In reality I guess I pretty much binge every time I drink. I have been blacking out on a regular basis which used to be a rarity even to the point of waking up with injuries and not knowing what happened. I don’t really go out much. Mostly drink at home or social gatherings. After a stint in rehab a very close friend of mine just hit 5 months sober and had been encouraging me to join him in sobriety. I did not. He had a relapse one week ago after receiving his 5 month chip and ended up taking his own life the next morning. None of us saw that coming and he had never shown any signs of being suicidal. He was a very close friend for close to 30 years and I will miss him terribly each and every day and forever. I would never do what he did but I can absolutely tell with a certainty that this alcohol is killing me. It will be the end of me if I don’t stop and my wife, kids, friends and family deserve so much more. Day 4 sober is today and my AV is in my head constantly. It’s also been 4 days since we laid my friend to rest. So sorry for the lengthy first post but I needed to get this out in the open. Hopefully I can be around for a while to receive and offer encouragement. You all are amazing people!

Anna

Welcome, Earl and good job on Day 4. I'm very sorry for the loss of your friend. It's so sad, but alcohol will take everything from us if we don't stop it. I'm glad you've joined us. Do you have a plan for how you will remain sober?

EarlO

Thanks Anna! Honestly no I don't think I have a plan other than will power and this forum. I've tried so many times before though so I just don't know. Any advice will be very much appreciated.

AlbaSober

Sorry to hear about your friend.

Alcohol attacks you physically and mentally.

Best without.

Colin1

Hi Earl and welcome to SR. Sorry to hear about your friend passing!

Congrats on 4 days AF, that's great. I 'quit' drinking many times over the years and always found the first three days the hardest to get through. I'm hoping it will become easier for you from here on too. One thing I've noticed about urges to drink is that if I can get through the first 20 - 30 minutes without giving in they tend to ease off. I also found that having a plan for getting through the tough ones helped. I do things like go for a walk or the gym, call a friend, watch a movie, basically whatever I think will help me get my mind off it for a while. I also think about why I decided to quit drinking to help keep my motivation strong. Reading and posting on SR helps me too.

You're on the right path Earl. Post any time you feel like it. All the best

Dee74

I'm very sorry for your loss Earl.

Joining here is a great start Earl. I never had much luck with willpower tho - for me acceptance was better - I had to accept my drinking would kill me - and it nearly did.

Once you commit to never drinking again, no matter what, I think things come a lot easier.
Here's some more info on what we mean when we say having a plan

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ml#post5314914 (Recovery Programs & What to Expect (What We Did))

least

Welcome Earl you'll find a lot of support here. post and read as much as you like. I'm glad you found us.

Steely

I'm sorry for the loss of your friend Earl. That is so sad.

A beginning plan could be to keep coming here daily to share your story. Your successes and your struggles. It will help enormously. No longer alone.

Congrats on 4 days. You're on your way!

Big welcome to you Earl.

DriGuy

But never drinking again must be harder than drinking once in a while, right? Actually, Dee is right. Half of a commitment turns out to be a nightmare and a constant struggle against cravings. AA refers to that half commitment as the "easier softer way." In other words, not really committing or quitting, the thing all alcoholics attempt first, but then fail at over and over. Breaking the addiction cycle has to be the endgame. Until the cycle is ended, life remains the alcoholic nightmare. Break the cycle and you have found the easier softer way, but one drink leads you back to two drinks, then a third, and the cycle begins again. Never drink again and then you can begin enjoying life once more.

aasharon90

It was other alcoholics in recovery that taught me how
to live a sober life one day at a time beginning August
11, 1990. A 28 rehab stay of listening, learning, absorbing
and then applying recovery tools and knowledge to all
areas of my everyday life, with willingness, openmindedness
and honesty to achieve health, happiness and continued
abstinence from my addiction.

Staying connected to our recovery lifelines be it recovery
meetings like AA, or meetings online or here in SR we never
have to have our misery refunded back to us that comes
with living a rollercoaster ride of addiction.

I listened and held on to many of those folks paving the road
of recovery for me to follow as my life depended on it. I didnt
take their experiences, strengths and hopes they shared for
granted because it was and still is what saves me from getting
drunk, going crazy or ultimately death.

31 years of continuous sobriety strong one day at a time
just like many before me.

Put your addiction to rest for good and no matter what,
don't take that first drink or else it your addiction will return
with vengeance.

Welcome to your new life in recovery.

Jo43

Lovely to meet you Earl#
Welcome! These guys are a wealth of knowledge and without them especially in the early days and on my hard days I would not be 1 year sober now! Post regularly and always come here even if you feel you cant post. Just reading helped me when I felt I couldnt post.

I'm so sorry on the loss of your lovely friend xx

fishkiller

Welcome Earl!
Do whatever it takes to quit. Whatever it takes.
It is a Much better life.
SR was the lifeline that saved me. We can only guide though, you must do the work.

Make a plan, follow that plan and make adjustments as necessary. Most of all Do Not Drink, No Matter What

You can do it

EarlO

Thanks so much for the warm welcome and taking the time to offer advice. I have read each and every comment and link shared. You all are so encouraging and I truly admire all of you. Day 5 off to a good start so far. The coffee is great this morning. I stayed busy working in my yard until dark yesterday afternoon when I would normally be drinking. One thing though is I'm sleeping ok but not the best. I'm just so tired though. Really fatigued right now and not quite sure why. I'm really trying to do this!

Zebra1275

Welcome to SR!

Robbie64

Welcome to SoberRecovery Sorry to read about your friend, that must have been a massive shock to you.

Anna

Good job on Day 5. It's pretty normal to feel tired and to have sleeping problems in early recovery. Your body is trying to heal and this is a time for you to be patient. You will start to feel better soon.

Surlyredhead

Welcome Earl,

I am so very sorry about your friend. I am glad you are here, be gentle with yourself, baby steps. It is One Day At a Time for a reason. If you feel yourself slipping into thoughts of drinking, break it down further, one hour, one minute, one second at a time.

Hugs, Cathy

Colin1

When I quit I get very little sleep for the first few days. After that it gets better for me over a few weeks until this issue goes away. Some people's experience with this is less severe and some more. It's not unusual. I think what you're experiencing is your sleep cycles are a little messed up so you're not getting the normal recovery you should be getting from sleep right now. This will pass. Hang in there, you're doing great