Pekelover2

I apologize in advance if this is a trigger for anyone. Do not read this if you’re dealing with an ornery AV.

It’s Saturday evening.
My husband is working a 9p-9a. I will be in my own.
My AV is very active today.

It said:

“You’ll never get that new position. You’re too old. You’ve been out of work for too long. You’re nothing but an old washed up scientist. You may as well drink tonight. Go for it!”
Then:
”Your husband probably has kidney cancer. Life is short. Might as well drink tonight!”
After that:
”It’s Saturday night!! Everyone drinks on Saturday night. Go for it. No one will ever know the difference”.

Right now:
”You can just have one glass of wine. It’s been a hard week. Just have one. Buy a bottle. Pour out one glass for yourself. Then throw the rest away. You deserve at least one glass”.

You know what AV? I can hear you loud and clear. But I choose not to listen. Leave me alone.

Thanks.

least

tell that AV. to F off. don't engage it, it will just try to wear you down with its lies, tell it to F off and let that be the end of it. (((hug)))

tornrealization

I would argue back:

Youre a liar. I’m an experienced scientist and the job market is in my favor. Listening to you would only make me less alert, responsive, confident in my job search. Your a pest, go away.

You’re right, life is short. I want to experience in a clear headed way, the ups and downs. I will need my strength to get through this situation and be there for my loved ones. I will be stronger and happier. I won’t have to worry about booze making matters worse. I will save my energy and use it in much better ways than nursing hangovers.

Actually lots of people don’t drink on Saturday nights. I want to remember the shows I saw, be able to drive and get ice cream if I want and wake up refreshed.

I don’t want 1 glass of poison cancer juice tonight. I did have a hard week, but a walk or early bed would be better. I want to save my money.

Purplrks3647

I know that AV...it can be quite the manipulative SOB....glad you came here to call it out, Peke! Stay close!

Dee74

The AV always lies to get what it wants. Always.
Not to be trusted, ever.

Stay strong PL

D

Pekelover2

Least…thank you so much for your supper.
Dee….the Av is a liar and a manipulative jerk. I won’t listen! Thanks for replying.
Purple…the AV is an SOB for sure. Thank you for the support.

((Torn))
Thank you so much for these incredible comebacks. After I posted this thread, I thought, “I should have written some theoretical replies to my AV”. But the ones that you wrote were amazing! Especially the reply about needing to be clearheaded and strong to help my husband with his situation. What you wrote was so true. Thank you for what your wrote.


(But can you all see why I drink? It’s this negative cycle that I hear a lot).
Tonight I have plans to train for this new position. (If I don’t get it, there will be others!!)
Tongiht I will do yoga to help clear my mind so that I can be strong for my husband.
Tonight I will hug and kiss my three little dogs.

I want to remember tonight.
I want to wake up without being covered in popcorn
I want to keep my dignity intact.
Take a hike, AV

nez

Kind of reminds me of the times when my wife curtly says "Do what you want." I know better than to listen. I know what the truth is.

Hodd

There certainly will be if you stay quit. I don’t do religion/spirituality, but some sort of karma or whatever gets generated the longer sobriety goes on. Things just sort of work out and fall into place where before they’d go wrong. I can’t explain it except maybe we make our own luck.

You’re doing great, Peke. That sounded like a long evening, and you won. What I would say is how can you occupy your mind so that you’re not even hearing the AV?

Mizz

Breaking this cycle will be one of the best things you can do for yourself. It takes time to retrain and rewire.

That voice will not be so loud and domineering as time moves on. The first few weeks or months are the hardest. Its worth it. 100% worth getting through and getting over. I commend you for using this forum as a tool to get through the annoying AV moments. Its a moment. Nothing more. You got this!

DriGuy

I would also caution about arguing with the AV and telling it that it is wrong. Whether it is wrong (or right), you are feeding it, and that is what it is after. Listen and ignore. It doesn't care whether or not you get this job. If you don't, it wins. If you do, it will tell you that you should celebrate. And guess what the celebration would include.

RecklessDrunk

Sorry, I disagree. I say DO read. I would be surprised if an alcoholic didn't go through this thinking. Its what make us alcoholic.

I went through lots of this about multiple areas of my life. So much effort I put in and things didn't go as planned and some of these situations can be downright terrifying!

This is where live life on life's terms comes in really handy.

Much of this i have no control over right now. So I have to take what I DO got and not worry about what I DON'T got or might not get, and move foward. Whatever comes up, I can deal with it.

advbike

Fantastic job of checking in here, Peke, and sharing your experience. You got some great replies. I'm with Least on this - tell that AV to "eff off". I think it is really important to realize where those thoughts originate - in our primitive lizard brain. That WE trained to like alcohol. So rather than engage, just recognize them for what they are (as you have done so well) and DISMISS them.

You are doing so well, Peke!

Nonsensical

You are in the grocery store and someone approaches you and says "Your clothes are on fire".
You look down and your clothes are obviously NOT on fire.
Do you stand there and have a debate about whether or not your clothes are on fire?
I don't think I would.
I think I would try to put some space between me and this lying nutjob.

Pekelover2

Thank you all so much for your incredible replies.
driguy-
I hear you when you say not to entertain my Alcohol Voice with an argument.
But I grew up abused by a parent. This parent hit me, put me down, insulted me and told me I was worthless. They said that I was stupid, fat and would never amount to anything.I never spoke up. I took their words as the truth. I think it’s time for me to have some positive retorts to my AV because it sounds a lot like that parent. It’s time to soothe myself. Saying something positive and self- affirming back to my AV is helping. I’m not sure if that makes sense. Because I understand what you’re saying! You’re telling me not to waste time arguing back-and-forth with this silly intervoice, and I get it. Because in the long round that could be very self-destructive. This strategy won’t be forever! But I think for now this is a strategy that I need to adopt at least for the short term. Your advice is always so wise! Thank you for your reply and your support.

hodd- great idea with the strategies! I think that doing yoga, doing work, reading, playing with my dogs and breathing (seriously just breathing in and out slowly) are helping a lot.

advbike-
thank you for your support!
reckelss,
thanks for your words. Great advice. I appreciate it.

nonsensical, nez, mizz-thank you all for your help!!

Sober Sunday is beautiful!!

Hodd

Yoga’s great. It’s not really part of my recovery although ironically my first ever session was a morning one to one in 2018, and I had a hangover! I still do a yoga class one early morning a week, and it takes a bit of lifestyle planning. Ideally I’d go to bed early, and I’d certainly get up in time to have breakfast and allow it to settle. Bending over or doing inversions with a full stomach is almost as bad as a hangover!

The point is (before I waffle on more 🤣 ) is that my life since 2019 wouldn’t work if I drank again. My yoga teacher would definitely notice if I wasn’t right. She knows I don’t drink and would pry. Yoga’s not actually that big a deal for me, but it’s a good habit to get into.

I’d keep up the yoga but ramp it up perhaps? Take a one to one class maybe. It’s super intense, but it’s all good fun. Doing yoga alone or in big groups where no one gets corrected doesn’t do it for me.

Anna

You're doing great, Peke.

VikingGF

Keep going, Peke. Congrats on your sober time.

Pekelover2

Thanks so much Viking and Anna.
Hodd,
I am a runner and that has helped with my anxiety. Right now I can run (I had the hand surgery last week, it’s the last piece of the puzzle to fixafter my bike accident).
I just did a stretch/yoga class on YouTube. (That’s where I’ve done all my weight lifting and abdominal classes). I really enjoyed this instructor. She reminds us to breath during each move. The tension in my neck/shoulders is pretty unbelievable. But it’s a really good way to be in the moment and it let the tension and the worries wash away.

I was not a daily drinker. I don’t think I could have run the way that I did had I been. But I have run a day or two out from a hangover. It wasn’t pleasant. I remember looking like a tomato in group pics. And being at the end of the line in a group trail run.
I will definitely fry to do yoga or stretching 3-5 times a week. It’s worth it. It’s not all about burning calories or getting muscle. It’s also about mental clarity.

Thank you all again.
it’s been another sober, nice weekend!

DriGuy

I'm going to comment once more and then I'm done. It doesn't matter who is right here, but I just want you to consider something:
You were a defenseless child then and not in a position to defend yourself.

That AV and your parent have things in common. They have no compassion, and clearly have nothing constructive or helpful to give you. They don't care about you. Keep in mind that the AV isn't really a separate entity. It's just the stupid side of our own minds. It doesn't seem helpful to argue with yourself.

If met a person today who talked to me like that, would I argue with him? OK, I confess I might briefly point out why I want nothing to do with him, just so he understands why I'm dumping his ass for good. And I actually did that to a guy a couple years ago. He's now gone, and seldom even pops up in my memory. For what it's worth, he was a self righteous alcoholic wallowing in his own depression and dragging everyone else down with him.

Now, as an adult, that opens up many constructive possibilities that didn't exist before. You can respond anyway you want, but it's in your interest to respond in a way that ends in success. Arguing with idiots never goes anywhere, it can linger like a resentment, and I know that for most people, continuing along that line is self destructive, even though it seems right.

One of the things we do in successful recovery is find new ways to solve problems. This requires adjusting to the awkwardness of unfamiliar responses. They are often non-intuitive, and we end up rejecting them out of hand.

So what is the appropriate response for you? That is yours to determine. And I won't bring this up again.