Cascabel

I’m back again, today is another day one, I’m now 84 years old, recently widowed, in overall good health and moderately depressed/grieving. I live alone. For most of my life I’ve been a teetotaler but started drinking in my early seventies when my wife contracted a progressive lung disease. Sitting together in the afternoon, talking and sipping wine was a pleasant respite from dealing with the medical industry and it also took our minds away from her illness. My wife lived for nine years after a lung transplant; we had been married over 60 years when she died. I started drinking more after her death.

I have attempted quitting several times now, once for over a month. I’ve reached the point where I get no pleasure from drinking but the habit is firmly ingrained. I’ve become reclusive and less sociable than I was before I started drinking. I feel like I’m living in a cave at times. My reaching out again to SR is part of my effort to rejoin the world.

I’ve quit drinking often enough to know what doesn’t work but I’ve also found some things that help. Checking in with SR is helpful and so is finding activities that will distract me when drinking time rolls around: sudoku, crossword puzzles and the ship model I just bought should help divert me from ardent spirits.

I’m hoping that quitting will help resolve my depression, improve my health and help me crawl out of my cave. I’ll be posting periodic updates here. Wish me success!

calmself

Great post, Cascabel. You can quit and it will definitely reduce your anxiety a great deal like it did to me. Stay close to SR for any support you may need. I have no age to wish you (less than half your age) but I seek your blessings!

Hevyn

Hi Cascabel - I'm so glad you came back. I'm sorry for the painful time you're going through.

I wrongly assumed drinking would comfort me & make bad times easier to take. I was so wrong. Especially since I could never keep it to just one or two. Always the whole bottle, and then another. A clear head is what's needed for times like this. It feels strange at first, as the fuzziness subsides, but being alert & aware is the only way to grieve and heal. You can get free of it again, Cascabel.

tursiops999

Hi Cascabel, wishing you success. You didn't ask for any suggestions ... but as someone who was recently widowed myself, I just wanted to put in a good word for grief support groups. Most local hospice organizations offer them for free, and with the pandemic many are offered over zoom. Often there are groups specifically for those who have lost their spouse or partner ... which is a particularly difficult loss. I'm in a couple of groups which have really helped me with my grief. Wishing you peace and healing.

AL48

Good luck Cascabel. I hope everything works out for you.

Anna

I'm very sorry for your loss Cascabel and I hope you can find your way back into a healthy, happy life.

Cascabel

Thanks, I’ve looked at grief support groups but only the F2F ones. I live in the rural desert near Amado, AZ and the nearest group is over an hours drive. I hadn’t thought of zoom meetings. I’ll learn how to use zoom and give it a try😀

venuscat

We have been friends for a long time dearest Cas, and you mean a great deal to me.
With you all of the way s xx ❤️

Dee74

Anna’s idea is a good one I think, Cas. I think to move forward you’re going to have to deal with your very understandable loss as well as your alcoholism?

D

Surrendered19

What kind of opportunities do you have to be around other live people Cas? You have so much to offer in person. Anyone who has walked this earth for 84 years has much to teach all of us, no doubt. The touch or the sound of other people and being in their presence might help a great deal Cas. It would at the very least get you out of the cave.

Sasha4

I just want to say I think you are amazing.
You are dealing with so much yet still want to be sober.
I can't imagine how hard it must be for you.

It might be a good time to set new routines for yourself if you feel up to it.
Maybe planning your day will help?
Going out for a coffee, or for lunch at a certain time.
Going to the library to read for an hour or so.
Having a phone call with a different person everyday.
Can you surround yourself with others?

I really do wish the best for you.

LoveHateWhine

Best wishes to you, Cascabel. I’m so sorry for the loss of your wife. I was widowed a long time ago and kinda know what you are going through. It does help to try to find a new routine or a new hobby that you can throw yourself into.

Sending warm thoughts your way.

DriGuy

I'm only 78, but I started in my 20s and quit when I 52. So you are a newbie to me. But it's never too late to quit, and if you do, I think you will be surprised how good life can be again.

When I quit, it was sudden and for good, not that I didn't have many day ones up until that time, like most every day was day one, until after work when I would fail. Eventually, I made it to three days, and failed several times after three. But this is not about building up periods of time until one finally gains control. That's not how it works. Recovery begins when you lay down the bottle for good, and for me that happened when I was willing to accept that is the way it must be. Before that, I wasn't quitting. I call it my screwing around period. I imagined all sorts of things on how I could get better, none of which seriously considered quitting... with a "full stop."

I'm sorry to hear about your wife. She sounds like she was a good partner.