How to deal with jerk in meeting. HELP
voices ca**y
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,359
Originally Posted by Nonsensical 
He is a sick and suffering alcoholic.
Pray for his recovery.
It might just help yours.
Pray for his recovery.
It might just help yours.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,169
Part of the dilemma is that if it's a meeting you like, you shouldn't have to leave to get away from one jerk. But sometimes the jerks aren't going to leave. I know what you are talking about. One person can wreck a meeting, but they won't have the floor forever. They will always try to dominate, but they don't always hang around forever either.
I remember a small meeting with 3 people plus one jerk. A new comer looking for help showed up. She was an attractive woman, and the jerk decided to take center stage, obviously to impress her. He explained the AA program as a rule book, and never asked her about her personal circumstances, and no one else could interject, and no one wanted to tell this guy to shut up, because that's not the side of AA most people want new comers to see.
I just sat there thinking this guy was not helping, and he obviously was not making the desired impression on this woman, who was sitting there wide eyed and uncomfortable. After 20 minutes, the guy talking finally gave up and there was a momentary break. The woman took the opportunity to say, "I don't think this is the place for me," and she got up an left the meeting. I never saw her again.
I felt bad about that. It's possible AA may not have helped her, but she never got a chance to find out, because she was overwhelmed with one person's failed attempt at self glorification. I hope she figured her situation out on her own or found some other resource, because she wasn't coming back to another AA meeting.
Incidentally, the guy I am talking about later had a bad experience at a meeting himself. He quit coming back and started drinking again. I lost track of him, and a few months later I heard he had died. I don't know if he drank himself to death or something else caused his death, but I do know that when he drank, no one was going to get in his way, just like when he would dominate the floor.
I remember a small meeting with 3 people plus one jerk. A new comer looking for help showed up. She was an attractive woman, and the jerk decided to take center stage, obviously to impress her. He explained the AA program as a rule book, and never asked her about her personal circumstances, and no one else could interject, and no one wanted to tell this guy to shut up, because that's not the side of AA most people want new comers to see.
I just sat there thinking this guy was not helping, and he obviously was not making the desired impression on this woman, who was sitting there wide eyed and uncomfortable. After 20 minutes, the guy talking finally gave up and there was a momentary break. The woman took the opportunity to say, "I don't think this is the place for me," and she got up an left the meeting. I never saw her again.
I felt bad about that. It's possible AA may not have helped her, but she never got a chance to find out, because she was overwhelmed with one person's failed attempt at self glorification. I hope she figured her situation out on her own or found some other resource, because she wasn't coming back to another AA meeting.
Incidentally, the guy I am talking about later had a bad experience at a meeting himself. He quit coming back and started drinking again. I lost track of him, and a few months later I heard he had died. I don't know if he drank himself to death or something else caused his death, but I do know that when he drank, no one was going to get in his way, just like when he would dominate the floor.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 60
Part of how I stay sober? Carry the message to the still suffering alcoholic, which includes being at meetings I really don't want to be at AND around people I really don't want to be around. I find when someone disturbs me I have to look within - and although I can get irked by someone at a meeting the teachings in the fellowship have allowed me to look at myself to be free from it in a step 10 inventory - It really is quite amazing. .The life I have due to this fellowship is indescribable but I have to do the work. If everyone acted how I wanted them to act my life would be very peaceful but unfortunately it doesn't work like that - damn it! lol.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 2,909
Jerks exist.
Meetings are a microcosm of the big world.
Meetings are not a perfect world, they might contain jerks.
What better place to get some big world practice dealing with jerks, than when surrounded and immersed in a recovery environment.
Jerks exist.
They are everywhere.
I have even encountered one in my bathroom mirror!
Recovery has helped to lessen that occurrence.
Today I don't see jerks, so much as people that I will never invite over to my house for Thanksgiving dinner. :~)
I coexist, secure in the knowledge that my guest list is my choice, but all the time remembering that God, or HP or the Universe... has a crazy sense of humor!
Meetings are a microcosm of the big world.
Meetings are not a perfect world, they might contain jerks.
What better place to get some big world practice dealing with jerks, than when surrounded and immersed in a recovery environment.
Jerks exist.
They are everywhere.
I have even encountered one in my bathroom mirror!
Recovery has helped to lessen that occurrence.
Today I don't see jerks, so much as people that I will never invite over to my house for Thanksgiving dinner. :~)
I coexist, secure in the knowledge that my guest list is my choice, but all the time remembering that God, or HP or the Universe... has a crazy sense of humor!
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