Saw a reminder of my old self!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 244
Saw a reminder of my old self!
And it TERRIFIED me.
Since my IOP I take my self care very seriously. Though I'm single, I take myself out on a date every Saturday night. It's a bit crazy, but it's an excuse to get cute and wear cologne and get out of my apartment - turns out I'm a pretty good date. 👍
I was at a restaurant, eating a delicious burger and watching the final 4.
A guy was sitting at the bar. He kept starting conversations about random things with a clearly annoyed bartender. When she would walk away he'd just ramble on to himself. He dropped his phone on the ground and while trying to retrieve it, he spilled his drink all over himself. I felt bad for the guy - and suddenly I had a vivid flashback of a horrible night I had.
I went to a brunch spot on a Sunday around noon. Typically it would be breakfast, 2 or 3 screwdrivers, and then I'd head home. This particular day I have no clue what happened. One of the last things I remember is my now x-fiance yelling at me over the phone - it was 7pm, I was still sitting at the bar. I decided it was time to go, got in my car, and left. However, I didn't go home. I woke up on the side of a street I had never seen - my car still running. My phone had died. I had a black eye. I still have no further recollection of that night.
I have so many feelings about that night and so many other nights (The night i pissed my pants in a bar and people were taking pictures of me, the time at karaoke in a country western bar with my parents were I started stripping while singing Cher (we actually laugh a little about that now)......but the main feeling I have now is HOW AND THE HELL did I keep drinking for almost another 7 years after this?????
2+ years into sobriety, and I still catch myself being in shock about feeling good. I don't think about my recovery all the time anymore - though since I'm studying addiction counseling I do think about recovery in general constantly.....I think that's why when I'm not studying or writing a paper I don't want anything to do with recovery!!!
I'm feeling a lot of guilt over lost time. From 25-40 my life got smaller and smaller. I'm so happy to be doing the things I am now - but I could have done them a long time ago.
Blackout drunk or sober as a judge, i still ramble. Do i have a point?? I'm not sure. Maybe I just needed to vent a little. To those here where I was 2 years ago - you may not believe it (I sure didn't when other people told me this), but you can do it. We may have wasted time, but wasting more isn't going to help.
Goodnight SR. 💙
Since my IOP I take my self care very seriously. Though I'm single, I take myself out on a date every Saturday night. It's a bit crazy, but it's an excuse to get cute and wear cologne and get out of my apartment - turns out I'm a pretty good date. 👍
I was at a restaurant, eating a delicious burger and watching the final 4.
A guy was sitting at the bar. He kept starting conversations about random things with a clearly annoyed bartender. When she would walk away he'd just ramble on to himself. He dropped his phone on the ground and while trying to retrieve it, he spilled his drink all over himself. I felt bad for the guy - and suddenly I had a vivid flashback of a horrible night I had.
I went to a brunch spot on a Sunday around noon. Typically it would be breakfast, 2 or 3 screwdrivers, and then I'd head home. This particular day I have no clue what happened. One of the last things I remember is my now x-fiance yelling at me over the phone - it was 7pm, I was still sitting at the bar. I decided it was time to go, got in my car, and left. However, I didn't go home. I woke up on the side of a street I had never seen - my car still running. My phone had died. I had a black eye. I still have no further recollection of that night.
I have so many feelings about that night and so many other nights (The night i pissed my pants in a bar and people were taking pictures of me, the time at karaoke in a country western bar with my parents were I started stripping while singing Cher (we actually laugh a little about that now)......but the main feeling I have now is HOW AND THE HELL did I keep drinking for almost another 7 years after this?????
2+ years into sobriety, and I still catch myself being in shock about feeling good. I don't think about my recovery all the time anymore - though since I'm studying addiction counseling I do think about recovery in general constantly.....I think that's why when I'm not studying or writing a paper I don't want anything to do with recovery!!!
I'm feeling a lot of guilt over lost time. From 25-40 my life got smaller and smaller. I'm so happy to be doing the things I am now - but I could have done them a long time ago.
Blackout drunk or sober as a judge, i still ramble. Do i have a point?? I'm not sure. Maybe I just needed to vent a little. To those here where I was 2 years ago - you may not believe it (I sure didn't when other people told me this), but you can do it. We may have wasted time, but wasting more isn't going to help.
Goodnight SR. 💙
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 3,514
Thanks for the post Donnylutz. Yes, seeing someone else acting like we would have been is an eye opener and a reminder of where we once were.
I like the idea of a Saturday night date! It's a good idea to do something that gets us out of the house / flat / apartment, especially on a Saturday night, and to treat ourself to something.
I like the idea of a Saturday night date! It's a good idea to do something that gets us out of the house / flat / apartment, especially on a Saturday night, and to treat ourself to something.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
