Last night
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2021
Location: PNW, US
Posts: 3,343
Last night
Last night (actually it’s was just a few hours ago) was difficult.
I was not drinking.
However something upset me tonight. I don’t want to go into what it was. I ended up leaving the house. I took the dogs and I drove away. I don’t like driving at night. Our roads are poorly lit (actually they’re not lit at all). And it was raining.
I drove to town. I parked my car in front of a restaurant (that was closed). I just tried to calm down. There were convenience stores that we open to buy alcohol. But I knew that if I drank that it would make everything worse. And even if drinking made me feel better in the moment, that the next day would be awful. I’d be even sadder than I was when I left home. Carefully I drove back home. My wipers were awful. I really don’t like driving at night.
This wasn’t an ideal way of coping with things. Leaving the house alone with three little dogs in my car isn’t smart. Being a woman driving alone is kind of just asking for trouble. But at least I didn’t drink. That’s positive. I’m trying to think what I could have done differently for next time. Still thinking about it.
Gosh I wish that I could run. If I could have run I would have put on my head/chest lamps and just gone out for 3-4 miles. Even in the rain. Hopefully soon I’ll be able to do that again.
Thanks for listening.
I was not drinking.
However something upset me tonight. I don’t want to go into what it was. I ended up leaving the house. I took the dogs and I drove away. I don’t like driving at night. Our roads are poorly lit (actually they’re not lit at all). And it was raining.
I drove to town. I parked my car in front of a restaurant (that was closed). I just tried to calm down. There were convenience stores that we open to buy alcohol. But I knew that if I drank that it would make everything worse. And even if drinking made me feel better in the moment, that the next day would be awful. I’d be even sadder than I was when I left home. Carefully I drove back home. My wipers were awful. I really don’t like driving at night.
This wasn’t an ideal way of coping with things. Leaving the house alone with three little dogs in my car isn’t smart. Being a woman driving alone is kind of just asking for trouble. But at least I didn’t drink. That’s positive. I’m trying to think what I could have done differently for next time. Still thinking about it.
Gosh I wish that I could run. If I could have run I would have put on my head/chest lamps and just gone out for 3-4 miles. Even in the rain. Hopefully soon I’ll be able to do that again.
Thanks for listening.
Magsie
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26,666
Sorry you had a difficult night Pekelover2. You must be so pleased you didn’t turn to drink. I don’t like driving at night either, you really felt like escaping it seemed. Having a plan, like running, if it’s safe, or putting your headphones on and tuning into something you can relax with.
Keep safe and take care. Pleased you and your doggies are ok.
Keep safe and take care. Pleased you and your doggies are ok.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
There are lots of folks that start off running by walking
first. Then they pick up the pace to eventually they are
walk running to a good stride and rhythm of running.
Like a little child, it begins with crawling before pulling
themselves up, to finally standing and then, off to the races
they go.
Practice small walks daily then pick up the pace.
Before you know it, you maybe running your first marathon.
Stay sober and no matter what happens, don't drink.
first. Then they pick up the pace to eventually they are
walk running to a good stride and rhythm of running.
Like a little child, it begins with crawling before pulling
themselves up, to finally standing and then, off to the races
they go.
Practice small walks daily then pick up the pace.
Before you know it, you maybe running your first marathon.
Stay sober and no matter what happens, don't drink.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by Pekelover2 
However something upset me tonight. I don’t want to go into what it was.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,561
Peke, I'm so glad you handled that situation without drinking. You are so strong!
I understand that sometimes we just have to get away from the situation.
Just be safe, and talk to us if you need to.
I hope your morning is bright!
I understand that sometimes we just have to get away from the situation.
Just be safe, and talk to us if you need to.
I hope your morning is bright!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 2,426
Hi Peke. I'm not ready to agree you need some other strategy to cope with drinking thoughts. If putting the dogs in the car and taking a drive is one of your tools, put in in the toolbox for future use. Sometimes in those early days, we do what the moment calls for and follow our instincts and walk in any direction away from drinking. If that is off into a rainy night to get a new perspective for a while, then do it.
I hope your Saturday is better.
I hope your Saturday is better.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2021
Location: Canada
Posts: 400
Good on you Peke for not drinking!
I broke an ankle 25 years ago, both leg bones. I still have a plate on one side and a wire on the other, with a bunch of screws in there that held it all together to heal. That hardware doesn't bother me at all. My surgeon at the time told me he had done his best but I was still a prime candidate to get arthritis in that ankle over time. That has come to pass and it now bothers me to the point that I can't walk too far each day or it will flare up badly enough that it takes me months to get it under control again. But if I don't walk enough it also gets nasty.
Every day that I don't spend a lot of time on my feet around the house I go for a walk. I would like to walk for at least an hour, but I have to pace myself in both distance and speed. If you feel safe going for a run in your neighborhood, you could go for a walk at the pace that suits you and build up slowly from there. I use a rain poncho on the wet days, I love those walks.
Just one idea because you said you like to run. There are many others we can do to get away for a bit when we need to. I find meditation also really helps me if I get into a 'funk' and I can do that any time I feel like. I'm sure you'll figure out some good ideas for you. You can do this
I broke an ankle 25 years ago, both leg bones. I still have a plate on one side and a wire on the other, with a bunch of screws in there that held it all together to heal. That hardware doesn't bother me at all. My surgeon at the time told me he had done his best but I was still a prime candidate to get arthritis in that ankle over time. That has come to pass and it now bothers me to the point that I can't walk too far each day or it will flare up badly enough that it takes me months to get it under control again. But if I don't walk enough it also gets nasty.
Every day that I don't spend a lot of time on my feet around the house I go for a walk. I would like to walk for at least an hour, but I have to pace myself in both distance and speed. If you feel safe going for a run in your neighborhood, you could go for a walk at the pace that suits you and build up slowly from there. I use a rain poncho on the wet days, I love those walks.
Just one idea because you said you like to run. There are many others we can do to get away for a bit when we need to. I find meditation also really helps me if I get into a 'funk' and I can do that any time I feel like. I'm sure you'll figure out some good ideas for you. You can do this
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 1,951
Running is the best thing I found during this pandemic. Feel so good and light after a run. After 45 minutes or so I get a natural high and start smiling even as I run. My goal is to do 10k in 70 minutes.
Well done on not drinking!
Well done on not drinking!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2021
Location: PNW, US
Posts: 3,343
Dee!
I’m sorry that I didn’t thanks you last night! Your reply snuck in somehow and I didn’t see it. Thanks for your support!!
Aasharon-
Thank you so much for your kind words. I’ve been running for 23+ years. I was cycling before Christmas and I was hit by a small truck. I cannot run because I’m still recuperating. I appreciate your reply. I will hopefully be running again very soon!!!
doggonecarl-
Im afraid to let you guys know why I was upset. I don’t want for you all to think that I’m overly sensitive. I guess I am sensitive. Idk. My husband tends to swear when he drinks. He curses a lot. He used to be a *lovely* person. He still his. But working in the ED has made him stressed and cynical.
My father raised me as a single parent. He was a lovely gentleman. He never use profanity. (That’s because it’s more difficult to articulate yourself in a sentence using clean word than it is using a curse word. Think about it. If a driver cuts you off in traffic it takes more brain cells to explain why you’re upset than it does to say “f-you!!”). Before I live with my father, my mother took care of me for a few years as a small child. She cursed more than a drunken sailor. I can’t even explain the word that i heard as a 4,5,6 and 7 year old. I still get sick to my stomach when I hear someone cursing violently. I didn’t want to tell all of you because I don’t want you to think that I’m weak. I really don’t mind if my friends curse or swear. Of course they do it a lot. (Especially my guy friends in my bike club and in my running clubs). But it’s the *context* in which it occurs. It’s sort of when it become rapid fire and frequent/continuous and I just cannot take it. I literally just have to leave the room. And that’s what I did last night.
Pease don’t think that I’m weak. Of course my husband knows how I feel. But he was so wrapped up in the program that he was watching on television and he kept apologizing and then he kept doing it over and over and over. And I just sat there with my stomach in knots and I said please stop cursing. And finally I just left. Im getting upset just thinking about it.
advbike, steely, surrendered, Colin, calmself, RAL and Kapt:
Thank you all for your responses. I have to come up with some more strategies. As the days get longer going out for a drive isn’t too bad. But this was very late, 10:30pm. My night vision isn’t great, lol.
colin-
I’m so sorry about your ankle. Walking is great! I walked for two hours on Friday with a friend. And I’m leaving shortly to walk with another! It’s great advice. Thank you for sharing this with me.
calm-
I hope to get back to running soon. This is my longest hiatus in 23+ years. Feeling every hour of it.
surrendered-
thanks for what you wrote. I did what I had to do. Leaving the house with the dogs did *help* me. I needed to get out of the house. I needed to not hear my husband for a while. Our home is a large rambler. But I wanted out for some reason.
steely-
good call on the journaling. I’m trying to do some yoga. A friend suggested it. Might try journaling too.
Anyway. Thank you all so much. Sorry for the drama.
I’m sorry that I didn’t thanks you last night! Your reply snuck in somehow and I didn’t see it. Thanks for your support!!
Aasharon-
Thank you so much for your kind words. I’ve been running for 23+ years. I was cycling before Christmas and I was hit by a small truck. I cannot run because I’m still recuperating. I appreciate your reply. I will hopefully be running again very soon!!!
doggonecarl-
Im afraid to let you guys know why I was upset. I don’t want for you all to think that I’m overly sensitive. I guess I am sensitive. Idk. My husband tends to swear when he drinks. He curses a lot. He used to be a *lovely* person. He still his. But working in the ED has made him stressed and cynical.
My father raised me as a single parent. He was a lovely gentleman. He never use profanity. (That’s because it’s more difficult to articulate yourself in a sentence using clean word than it is using a curse word. Think about it. If a driver cuts you off in traffic it takes more brain cells to explain why you’re upset than it does to say “f-you!!”). Before I live with my father, my mother took care of me for a few years as a small child. She cursed more than a drunken sailor. I can’t even explain the word that i heard as a 4,5,6 and 7 year old. I still get sick to my stomach when I hear someone cursing violently. I didn’t want to tell all of you because I don’t want you to think that I’m weak. I really don’t mind if my friends curse or swear. Of course they do it a lot. (Especially my guy friends in my bike club and in my running clubs). But it’s the *context* in which it occurs. It’s sort of when it become rapid fire and frequent/continuous and I just cannot take it. I literally just have to leave the room. And that’s what I did last night.
Pease don’t think that I’m weak. Of course my husband knows how I feel. But he was so wrapped up in the program that he was watching on television and he kept apologizing and then he kept doing it over and over and over. And I just sat there with my stomach in knots and I said please stop cursing. And finally I just left. Im getting upset just thinking about it.
advbike, steely, surrendered, Colin, calmself, RAL and Kapt:
Thank you all for your responses. I have to come up with some more strategies. As the days get longer going out for a drive isn’t too bad. But this was very late, 10:30pm. My night vision isn’t great, lol.
colin-
I’m so sorry about your ankle. Walking is great! I walked for two hours on Friday with a friend. And I’m leaving shortly to walk with another! It’s great advice. Thank you for sharing this with me.
calm-
I hope to get back to running soon. This is my longest hiatus in 23+ years. Feeling every hour of it.
surrendered-
thanks for what you wrote. I did what I had to do. Leaving the house with the dogs did *help* me. I needed to get out of the house. I needed to not hear my husband for a while. Our home is a large rambler. But I wanted out for some reason.
steely-
good call on the journaling. I’m trying to do some yoga. A friend suggested it. Might try journaling too.
Anyway. Thank you all so much. Sorry for the drama.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,584
Your husband sounds angry Peke. I hope you've both talked by now. A lot for both of you.
It's not so much the words, but what is attached to the words. Talk with him, maybe?
Great that you didn't drink. Each one of those successes makes you stronger for next time.
I don't think a woman driving alone at night is asking for trouble, either.
It's not so much the words, but what is attached to the words. Talk with him, maybe?
Great that you didn't drink. Each one of those successes makes you stronger for next time.
I don't think a woman driving alone at night is asking for trouble, either.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,497
Peke, you're not being overly sensitive, as I see it. You experienced trauma with your mother when you were a small child and she was cursing (probably in anger) a lot. An experience like that can be a trigger for the rest of your life. Recognizing this and taking care of yourself, as you did, is great. You're right in that, maybe you could find safer ways to manage a situation like that, but kudos for remaining sober.
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