dustyfox

I stood in a queue this evening waiting to pay for my bread and milk and was paying no attention to anyone until I heard a woman at the till saying a little too loudly, a little too self consciously, 'It's a birthday present, last minute' I glanced at what she was buying - yep - three bottles of wine.

I looked at her face and I just knew she was doing what I have done so many times, or a variation of it. Embarrassed to be buying three bottles on wine, she had come up with the 'it's a present line', maybe she couldn't face her own local shop and had driven to this one. I know that feeling of desperately hoping it's not the same check out guy as the previous night.

And the really sad/pathetic thing was that, me, the guy on the till, the other people in the queue, all KNEW she was buying it for herself - her eyes, her complexion, her slightly too loud voice, all said alcoholic. I felt sorry for her, she probably will drink all the wine, but maybe she will wake up in the morning and just stop...
THANK GOD , really thank you God and Universe - that is no longer me.

snitch

Hmmm to be fair , you don’t actually know that the woman was buying it for herself and you also don’t know what the other people were thinking about her .

maybe that was case, maybe not.

Dee74

I can certainly identify with using 'I'm having a party' type excuses a little too loudly. God knows I must have looked a sight, and smelt of booze weed and cigarettes.

I have immense empathy for those still struggling.

D

KTB5000

I've never done this with alcohol. I always had 3 or 4 local stores in my perimeter that I would cycle through to remove the shame I anticipated that I would feel if I had only stuck to the closest market.
What is crazy that in the worst of my food addiction days, I can remember one time I bought a birthday cake and had the baker write "Happy Birthday Bobby" on it because I was afraid that people would know that I was planning to eat myself. Or when I would buy a dozen donuts and act like I was picking out different ones for people at work. 😳

🙏🏽 🙏🏽 🙏🏽

Hodd

I had no shame. Regular as clockwork, I’d go in to my local shop two minutes walk away for my daily beers, wine and Gaviscon (for the heartburn caused by the first two). I still use the same shop daily, and the staff all know me. I’m sure there was gossip back then about all the beer I’d buy each day. I feel sorry for the old me.

What I do occasionally is check the booze prices in there out of curiosity. Prices have gone up a lot in the last year.

snitch, I reckon I can usually tell a drinker. I could be wrong.

Hodd

We all do, at least we of all people should.

I’ve never smoked thankfully, but in the same shop I mentioned, I saw an older gent buying 50 grams of tobacco. I had a quick Google, and that’s enough for about 100 cigarettes. The price was an astounding £25 (about 44 Aus $ or 34 US $). I feel double sympathy there. The health risks and stigma around smoking are very well known, plus, at least in the U.K., tobacco is now located behind the counter. Smokers have to ask the cashier for their chosen product. That must add to the misery and hassle of smoking. Apparently it’s very similar to alcohol in that it’s not possible to moderate. One cigarette sets it all off again. There but for the grace of whoever go I and a lot of us.

Hodd

I’ve got to stop doing these double posts

Surrendered19

Great share dustyfox. Sends shivers down my spine. I'm so glad I'm not that anymore too.

DriGuy

I remember realizing that in my small town, the guy that ran the liquor store had become aware of my problem, especially after another guy I knew, who I was always running into at the liquor store commented that every time he was in the store, I was in the store. We joked about it, but it stung. I started driving 80 miles (round trip) to the next nearest liquor store on alternate trips. It was a small isolated town in Montana 40 miles from the next closest liquor store.

Mizz

What rings true is that I am reminded of how much wine I drank. I did not hide my wine consumption.
I would buy two bottles on some Sundays if it was early enough. I wanted to be safe and not drive to the store for more alcohol.
I made some wonderful decisions while drinking. Some days I was safe. Other days I was a complete hazard/ danger to the world. It all made sense to me then. Alcoholism and destruction at its finest. No rhyme or reason.

I dont know if those wine bottles were for a friend or for her but I am reminded of my own drinking.......
So grateful I divorced those fermented grapes.

Hodd

You were doing better than me. I’d have a sneaky can whilst still driving, and I know how strict that is in the states. About twenty years ago, before I’d crossed the line into becoming dependent, I was driving in Death Valley and around and stopped for a six pack for later. Being a Brit, I paid (probably got ID checked) and grabbed my stash ready to go. The guy in the shop was amazed I’d leave without the brown paper bag. I doubt I put them in the trunk either, but back then I hadn’t gone so low as drinking in the car.

Last went back in 2012 as a drinker with two drinking buddies. Another wasted holiday.

I can almost read your mind during that 80-mile round trip, Dri. Good that you’re free of that.

DriGuy

The 40 mile trip was too much to bear without buying a large Coke and mixing up a drink to have on the way back. Even when I was doing it, I was thinking, "This is not right. I need to do something about this issue."

dustyfox

I really didn't mean to sound judgy about this woman - she was clearly a drinker - the way she stumbled over her words, dropped her money, reeked of alcohol, I totally have been that woman - I only posted because it made me cringe to think of just how many times I had been to that very supermarket buying wine, more wine and then yet more wine

- and now I am in no way resting on my laurels, I am a couple of months off a year of booze free living, and last time I gave up, after a year I went right back on to be that wine drinker for another 4 years. There but for the grace of god......etc etc.

biminiblue

Stay vigilant, dusty. Alcoholism is like a little tiny pilot light. Waiting. Ready. All it takes is one match [the first drink] and in no time the house is up in flames.

Again.

I went back after many years sober one time. It was a painful learning experience.

Never.
Again.

...and I also notice those buying alcohol who seem like they likely have a problem. Heck, I see people I used to see in AA meetings buying alcohol. They serve as a warning and a reminder for me.

Hodd

Dusty, you’re posting what a lot of us would’ve been thinking stood in that checkout queue. We shouldn’t judge, but we all do it. Glad you’re not that person now, and I hope they see the error of their ways soon too.

BackandScared

I have been that woman too dustyfox and I am also one to notice others in convenience stores, buying alcohol alone and feeling the need to explain why they are buying alcohol. Especially women. There is still a stronger judgement against women who become addicted. This is why we drink more alone and we keep it secret for longer. When I finally gathered the courage to go to the GP to explain the problem I got zero sympathy, got asked why I would not 'just stop' followed by the 'do you have kids' question.

I am so happy to have managed to get out of that nightmare and the constant embarrassment. So yes, I was that woman and I notice them too.

dustyfox

You are right backandscared women do seem to be more harshly judged, and worse, for their drinking problems, especially as women become older and no longer 'one of the lads' as they may have been seen in their younger days

Because I am a woman, a mother and a so called 'professional' , I was far too ashamed to go and seek help for fear of that very judgement, all my later drinking was secretive and full of shame. Next time I see that woman , which I will, I would love to offer a word of comfort, but if she is anything like I was, she would be horrified to think I had 'noticed ' her -

There is no way to rescue an alcoholic....

Hodd

^ You’re a star to want to have a word with that lady, dusty, but I think you know it’s best left alone.

I was in my hometown (not a nice place) last year and saw a guy secretly swigging from a demi vodka bottle at 9am. I wanted to say something, but looking back it wouldn’t have helped that poor guy and it could’ve ended badly for me. That poor guy’s likely to have a wasted miserable life if he carries on, but I’d need some sort of Jedi tricks to have made a difference that day.

But you’re a kind kind person to be thinking of that lady.

anxiousrock

It's really not uncommon for people to buy lots of wine at once doesn't mean they drink it all at once....it stays in the wine fridge/cabinet.
however, it's also not uncommon for alcoholics to buy lots of wine at once...

RecklessDrunk

I even had myself fooled that there was nothing wrong with me buying craft beer. I thought it was even somewhat fashionable. I'm a redneck, I'm never fashionable, until I got a hold of some of those craft beers. I was in love with the taste and the alcohol content. Yeah, I drank in part for the taste. Once I found that stuff I did! I needed the alcohol but it mine as well taste good too. I think it added another layer to the obsession. I was a regular beer and shot guy long before Belgian beer or IPA was really known in America.

I wasn't the most social person before taking a drink, unless the clerk or another customer mentions something about beer. Liquor store clerks would often ask my opinion or recommend a beer. I thought at times I played the role of a normal drinker pretty well. Fooled myself at least.

Many nights walking in the Liquor store what i didn't know at the time, what they didn't know, was that hours later i would be down in the hood getting crack. Or even doing dope.

Had the active alcoholic version of me and that woman been in the same store I don't think anyone would believe I had a better chance of dying or going to jail that night then she did.

Some nights that might have been the only human contact that I had. Talking beer with the clerk and football with the dealer. Just a pitiful way to spend a night.