First social meeting / challenge after 2 years
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Join Date: May 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 3,928
Originally Posted by calmself 
Robbie, No, they do not. Since my team mates and folks in my org are coming, I cannot tell them I won't be able to make it. I accepted the invite and the reservations have been made, it will be a bad show. And with respect to drinking culture, this is super common in consulting..
Phew! Bit of a rant, but this is more or less workplace bullying.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 3,508
I agree with everyone else here and what Hodd has posted above. Throw a sickie or take the day off. At the very least take your car. Four hours is an awful long time to have to get through if the AV is kicking in. Especially when everyone around you is drinking.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,388
All lot of people do not drink these days and not all of them are alcoholics 
‘I’m not drinking tonight’ kinda has the same sting in the tail as the antibiotics thing…next time you’ll be asked again and again and again….
Be a non drinker. Be Proud.
Your inner addict will scream at you that everyone notices people not drinking, they’ll think you’re weird, and that they’ll instantly know you’re an alcoholic.
Nonsense.
Every work party I ever went to it was an exercise is drinking as much free booze as possible and no one noticed or cared what I was or wasn’t drinking…
but the fact it is primarily an exercise in drinking free booze, and it’s woken up your AV, is the very reason you should skip it, IMO.
some fine AV BS there CS. Aren’t you interviewing for other jobs right now? 
Yes we all have to face these things sooner or later…sometimes later is better.
You’ve expressed the fear your AV has woken up and you’re worried already at how you not drinking will look.
Going there, crumbling under peer and self pressure, and getting drunk would be a bad show too, yeah?
Make the best choice for YOU.
D
‘I’m not drinking tonight’ kinda has the same sting in the tail as the antibiotics thing…next time you’ll be asked again and again and again….
Be a non drinker. Be Proud.
Your inner addict will scream at you that everyone notices people not drinking, they’ll think you’re weird, and that they’ll instantly know you’re an alcoholic.
Nonsense.
Every work party I ever went to it was an exercise is drinking as much free booze as possible and no one noticed or cared what I was or wasn’t drinking…
but the fact it is primarily an exercise in drinking free booze, and it’s woken up your AV, is the very reason you should skip it, IMO.
Since my team mates and folks in my org are coming, I cannot tell them I won't be able to make it. I accepted the invite and the reservations have been made, it will be a bad show
Yes we all have to face these things sooner or later…sometimes later is better.
You’ve expressed the fear your AV has woken up and you’re worried already at how you not drinking will look.
Going there, crumbling under peer and self pressure, and getting drunk would be a bad show too, yeah?
Make the best choice for YOU.
D
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 2,909
Be a non drinker. Be Proud.
Your inner addict will scream at you that everyone notices people not drinking, they’ll think you’re weird, and that they’ll instantly know you’re an alcoholic.
Nonsense.
Your inner addict will scream at you that everyone notices people not drinking, they’ll think you’re weird, and that they’ll instantly know you’re an alcoholic.
Nonsense.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 1,951
Originally Posted by Hodd
I’ll get told off for this, but b******s to this company and their s*** culture. Bad show? It’ll be a bad show if you relapse and waste years of your life drinking. I bet these consultants or whatever they are all look worse for wear like most drinkers do. Let them have their sad culture and waste their lives, but you’re better than that. Come on.
Phew! Bit of a rant, but this is more or less workplace bullying.
Phew! Bit of a rant, but this is more or less workplace bullying.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 1,951
Originally Posted by Robbie64
I agree with everyone else here and what Hodd has posted above. Throw a sickie or take the day off. At the very least take your car. Four hours is an awful long time to have to get through if the AV is kicking in. Especially when everyone around you is drinking.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 1,951
Originally Posted by Dee74
All lot of people do not drink these days and not all of them are alcoholics
‘I’m not drinking tonight’ kinda has the same sting in the tail as the antibiotics thing…next time you’ll be asked again and again and again….
Be a non drinker. Be Proud.
Your inner addict will scream at you that everyone notices people not drinking, they’ll think you’re weird, and that they’ll instantly know you’re an alcoholic.
Nonsense.
Every work party I ever went to it was an exercise is drinking as much free booze as possible and no one noticed or cared what I was or wasn’t drinking…
but the fact it is primarily an exercise in drinking free booze, and it’s woken up your AV, is the very reason you should skip it, IMO.
some fine AV BS there CS. Aren’t you interviewing for other jobs right now?
Yes we all have to face these things sooner or later…sometimes later is better.
You’ve expressed the fear your AV has woken up and you’re worried already at how you not drinking will look.
Going there, crumbling under peer and self pressure, and getting drunk would be a bad show too, yeah?
Make the best choice for YOU.
D
‘I’m not drinking tonight’ kinda has the same sting in the tail as the antibiotics thing…next time you’ll be asked again and again and again….
Be a non drinker. Be Proud.
Your inner addict will scream at you that everyone notices people not drinking, they’ll think you’re weird, and that they’ll instantly know you’re an alcoholic.
Nonsense.
Every work party I ever went to it was an exercise is drinking as much free booze as possible and no one noticed or cared what I was or wasn’t drinking…
but the fact it is primarily an exercise in drinking free booze, and it’s woken up your AV, is the very reason you should skip it, IMO.
some fine AV BS there CS. Aren’t you interviewing for other jobs right now?
Yes we all have to face these things sooner or later…sometimes later is better.
You’ve expressed the fear your AV has woken up and you’re worried already at how you not drinking will look.
Going there, crumbling under peer and self pressure, and getting drunk would be a bad show too, yeah?
Make the best choice for YOU.
D
Having said that, I will think through if there is any possibility to avoid. Otherwise will have a good exit plan. I will ping the class groups from there if I need support. At the moment, I frankly cannot think of anything else.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 3,508
You need to put yourself first and not the company or work colleagues. Let them get drunk if that's what they want to do but just do what you need to do to ensure you don't drink too.
Out of interest, is there anyone you work with who doesn't drink? I'm thinking of people who don't drink for religious reasons. Work socials like this aren't very inclusive and it's partly why many places don't have these types of get togethers any more, or restrict them to after work hours.
Out of interest, is there anyone you work with who doesn't drink? I'm thinking of people who don't drink for religious reasons. Work socials like this aren't very inclusive and it's partly why many places don't have these types of get togethers any more, or restrict them to after work hours.
Member
Join Date: May 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 3,928
Originally Posted by calmself
Actually good points, Hodd. This is exactly why I am trying to get out of Consulting. And you should see the insane amounts we drink....as if a meteor is about to destroy earth in 2 days. The more prestigious the consuting firm, higher the drinking as money is aplenty.
I do have a few rants, but I get wound up when people feel obliged to drink.They can have all the money they like. I wouldn’t swap my lifestyle with theirs for all the money on Earth. They’ve lost the plot. My good karma hopes they see sense before they get addicted or ill.
I’m not a choir boy, but I thought that sort of office culture became extinct in the 1980s. What a waste of life.
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Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,550
I don't want alcohol in my own life, but don't deny it in the lives of others, so long as no interference with with my own quiet peace and enjoyment. . Don't want to get neurotic about it all.
I'm a non drinker, and enjoy being a non drinker. I'd leave early.
BUT, if you feel at real risk, don't go. Bad luck for Consulting.
I'm a non drinker, and enjoy being a non drinker. I'd leave early.
BUT, if you feel at real risk, don't go. Bad luck for Consulting.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 1,951
Robbie, very few if at all any, don't drink. Unfortunately that's the sad reality especially in these social events.
Steely, That's my plan. Go on time but exit as soon as possible! Actually, I agree with you. I am nobody to judge them. They can do whatever they want as long as they don't influence me.
Steely, That's my plan. Go on time but exit as soon as possible! Actually, I agree with you. I am nobody to judge them. They can do whatever they want as long as they don't influence me.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,025
Hey calm,
I’ve been to a few recently and my key points are:
- nobody cares if you drink. The few people who asked I said I’m on a break and enjoying it so want to keep it going.
- the little temptation I felt was right when I got to the places, but it lasts for a couple of minutes and then it’s gone.
- from that point onwards I had a great time, and the feeling of leaving sober at the end is just awesome.
- when you wake up the next morning up to doing something it s great too.
That said, if you think things could go different I’d consider not going.
I’ve been to a few recently and my key points are:
- nobody cares if you drink. The few people who asked I said I’m on a break and enjoying it so want to keep it going.
- the little temptation I felt was right when I got to the places, but it lasts for a couple of minutes and then it’s gone.
- from that point onwards I had a great time, and the feeling of leaving sober at the end is just awesome.
- when you wake up the next morning up to doing something it s great too.
That said, if you think things could go different I’d consider not going.
Member
Join Date: May 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 3,928
Still don’t get this money equating to drinking idea. Alcohol is literally cheaper than petrol right now. Anyone can afford (financially) to drink as much as they want. You get some long-term unemployed people guzzling bottles of cider all day long.
I don’t wish to knock your colleagues, but I will anyway. Something not right there. If you got lots of money, great. Go on nice holidays, buy a boat or retire in your early 50s. I know business owners who’ve got more money than they know what to do with, but drinking isn't on their list. Each to their own, their lives and livers I guess.
I don’t wish to knock your colleagues, but I will anyway. Something not right there. If you got lots of money, great. Go on nice holidays, buy a boat or retire in your early 50s. I know business owners who’ve got more money than they know what to do with, but drinking isn't on their list. Each to their own, their lives and livers I guess.
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Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 710
More I read, more convinced I am you should not go calmself. I believe you must be ready to own you are not drinking without further explanations or nuances. Otherwise, you will feel as forced to have a drink as you are feeling to attend this event despite all ther red flags. You are still attached to the image of yourself as a drinker that you seem to equate to the 'soul of the party', the last one to leave, etc. As Dee and others say, be proud as a non-drinker. Believe us: nobody cares at all. The only ones who obsess about drinking are those who want to quit or have just quit.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2020
Posts: 2,601
Oh just have one mate
come on youre the best drinker here.
dont be stupid you cant have a soft drink.
It's not the same without you drinking.
what harm will 1 or 2 drinks do
You've earned this. We've all earned this.
dont be soft just have a beer fgs.
Here just drink this. I got you one in
you have to join in.
laughing and taking the p that you arent drinking.
And on and on it could go.
How will you react to that ?
come on youre the best drinker here.
dont be stupid you cant have a soft drink.
It's not the same without you drinking.
what harm will 1 or 2 drinks do
You've earned this. We've all earned this.
dont be soft just have a beer fgs.
Here just drink this. I got you one in
you have to join in.
laughing and taking the p that you arent drinking.
And on and on it could go.
How will you react to that ?
Member
Join Date: May 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 3,928
When I was around four months sober, I’d been avoiding social events, but I met up with a non-drinking friend in Germany. I wasn’t expecting the triggers, but they came thick and fast. At the airport, I’d normally have had a couple of drinks and then on the plane. I also had an odd routine of grabbing a bottle of beer for the airport bus at the other end. I had to deal with all of these and thankfully the friend I was meeting isn’t a drinker, or I 99.9% would have succumb.
Four months is great, but there are still triggers aplenty.
Four months is great, but there are still triggers aplenty.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Yeah, this isn't going well is it...?
calmself's AV, I live in your area. It is NOT OKAY to have 3 or 4, but who are you kidding? You won't have 3 or 4 - once you start you'll have 8 or 10. The penalties for driving under the influence are HUGE. Expensive and could follow you for a long time. Not to mention the possibility of being that guy who gets on the freeway going the wrong way and kills a carload of innocent people.
I hope you just don't go, but it seems the AV is in control here.
Virtually nothing bad will happen to you if you don't go.
All this inner turmoil can be easily stopped with that decision. It gets easier in time to spend short periods of time around heavy drinking, but with 130-something days obviously (as proven in this thread) it's too early to go to a "drinking event."
calmself's AV, I live in your area. It is NOT OKAY to have 3 or 4, but who are you kidding? You won't have 3 or 4 - once you start you'll have 8 or 10. The penalties for driving under the influence are HUGE. Expensive and could follow you for a long time. Not to mention the possibility of being that guy who gets on the freeway going the wrong way and kills a carload of innocent people.
I hope you just don't go, but it seems the AV is in control here.
Virtually nothing bad will happen to you if you don't go.
All this inner turmoil can be easily stopped with that decision. It gets easier in time to spend short periods of time around heavy drinking, but with 130-something days obviously (as proven in this thread) it's too early to go to a "drinking event."
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,164
Not going is always an option, and if you have serious doubts about your commitment, don't go. For the first year of my sobriety, not attending was always my first option. On one special occasion, I did the exit strategy thing. While, I accepted that there was a chance I'd be tempted, I was committed to bolting at the first sign of that.
The thing to keep in mind is that recovery is an all or nothing thing, and a very serious matter. You are either in it or you are not. Mind games should not even be given consideration. You have to know your limits, and you have to know what you are going to do. To often, these special occasions are more like excuses to fall off the wagon and claiming, "It wasn't my fault." Know what you are doing, and why you are even considering doing whatever it is you're considering.
I know this sounds kind of preachy, but I will honestly tell you it's the sermon I preached to myself and accepted as the standard I needed to live by. It worked for me.
The thing to keep in mind is that recovery is an all or nothing thing, and a very serious matter. You are either in it or you are not. Mind games should not even be given consideration. You have to know your limits, and you have to know what you are going to do. To often, these special occasions are more like excuses to fall off the wagon and claiming, "It wasn't my fault." Know what you are doing, and why you are even considering doing whatever it is you're considering.
I know this sounds kind of preachy, but I will honestly tell you it's the sermon I preached to myself and accepted as the standard I needed to live by. It worked for me.
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