How do I stay (somewhat) positive
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Join Date: Oct 2021
Location: PNW, US
Posts: 3,309
How do I stay (somewhat) positive
I’m struggling right now,
My mood is so sad. I can’t stop all of the negative thoughts from going through my head.
It seems like one minute I’m laughing. And the next minute I’m in bed with my knees pulled up against my chest.
I want to quit drinking. I want to quit drinking.
I want to quit drinking before I *need* to quit drinking.
I’m behind in life. I’m overwhelmed with stuff. I normally am pretty type A. Now not so much. My dear husband said that he’d help me to get these projects done, it’s sweet of him. But he’s busy with his own work.
I want to stop drinking. But the flip side is alllllllllll the hours I have now to feel guilty and ashamed. All the time I have to reflect on the hours/days lost drinking.
I want to cry. But the tears won’t come.
I thought that I was a strong person. Apparently I’m not. I’m stupid and weak. Oh. And a liar. I drink at home alone. Everyone thinks I’m sober.
See what it’s like trying to get sober? Negative negative negative. This is what it’s like in my brain now. These thoughts are awful.
I do make an effort to steer the thoughts in a new direction. I bend down and kiss my dogs. I read a book. I text a friend. But it’s as if it’s all an act. It’s like my mind goes back to this negative state.
This is the tough part about getting sober. It’s like hanging onto the edge of a cliff. You see someone coming to help you. Your mood lightens up. And then suddenly you can’t see them anymore. No. Wait!! You see them again. And there’s hope!! No. They’re gone again. Back No forth. Over and over. It’s exhausting.
Sorry. This will pass. I hope it will get better.
I think what I’ll do is make two lists. One lost of things that make me happy, And another list of chores and tasks that I want to accomplish by a certain dates.
I read once that if you smile more, you can inadvertently trick your brain into thinking that your happy.
Sorry for this long post.
My mood is so sad. I can’t stop all of the negative thoughts from going through my head.
It seems like one minute I’m laughing. And the next minute I’m in bed with my knees pulled up against my chest.
I want to quit drinking. I want to quit drinking.
I want to quit drinking before I *need* to quit drinking.
I’m behind in life. I’m overwhelmed with stuff. I normally am pretty type A. Now not so much. My dear husband said that he’d help me to get these projects done, it’s sweet of him. But he’s busy with his own work.
I want to stop drinking. But the flip side is alllllllllll the hours I have now to feel guilty and ashamed. All the time I have to reflect on the hours/days lost drinking.
I want to cry. But the tears won’t come.
I thought that I was a strong person. Apparently I’m not. I’m stupid and weak. Oh. And a liar. I drink at home alone. Everyone thinks I’m sober.
See what it’s like trying to get sober? Negative negative negative. This is what it’s like in my brain now. These thoughts are awful.
I do make an effort to steer the thoughts in a new direction. I bend down and kiss my dogs. I read a book. I text a friend. But it’s as if it’s all an act. It’s like my mind goes back to this negative state.
This is the tough part about getting sober. It’s like hanging onto the edge of a cliff. You see someone coming to help you. Your mood lightens up. And then suddenly you can’t see them anymore. No. Wait!! You see them again. And there’s hope!! No. They’re gone again. Back No forth. Over and over. It’s exhausting.
Sorry. This will pass. I hope it will get better.
I think what I’ll do is make two lists. One lost of things that make me happy, And another list of chores and tasks that I want to accomplish by a certain dates.
I read once that if you smile more, you can inadvertently trick your brain into thinking that your happy.
Sorry for this long post.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 2,696
So sorry to hear you are struggling Pekelover. Hugs for you.
I hope you can find a way to be gentle and compassionate with yourself. You are not any of those negative thoughts you are thinking about yourself.
Sometimes we have to sit with/endure uncomfortable feelings but don't believe those thoughts. They're simply not true. I think your ideas to write those lists are awesome. Focus on what brings you joy. Focus not on what you have lost, but what you have, and what you can have.
Feel better soon ❤️
I hope you can find a way to be gentle and compassionate with yourself. You are not any of those negative thoughts you are thinking about yourself.
Sometimes we have to sit with/endure uncomfortable feelings but don't believe those thoughts. They're simply not true. I think your ideas to write those lists are awesome. Focus on what brings you joy. Focus not on what you have lost, but what you have, and what you can have.
Feel better soon ❤️
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,383
I remember getting sober was very hard - and I didn't have all the other things you have going on in your life.
I had health worries tho, and depression, and regret and self loathing....
But...I dismissed drinking a viable option anymore...so whatever my problems were, whatever demons I had I had to find new ways to deal with them.
First I had to accept that everyone goes through trying times. Not everyone can be Pollyanna every day - and thats ok.
I also had to draw a line between then and now.
The past is gone.
Even If I felt I had been weak, I was now capable of being strong.
Even if I was full of regrets and guilt and shame, every new day gave me a new fresh clean slate to work on.
Even tho I felt this was the end, it was actually a new beginning.
You can learn to love yourself again, you can be the person you always wanted to be, and you do not need to be held hostage by negative thoughts..that can be unlearned
I have a few other links but this is the only one I can access on this laptop
https://au.reachout.com/articles/how...ative-thoughts
D
I had health worries tho, and depression, and regret and self loathing....
But...I dismissed drinking a viable option anymore...so whatever my problems were, whatever demons I had I had to find new ways to deal with them.
First I had to accept that everyone goes through trying times. Not everyone can be Pollyanna every day - and thats ok.
I also had to draw a line between then and now.
The past is gone.
Even If I felt I had been weak, I was now capable of being strong.
Even if I was full of regrets and guilt and shame, every new day gave me a new fresh clean slate to work on.
Even tho I felt this was the end, it was actually a new beginning.
You can learn to love yourself again, you can be the person you always wanted to be, and you do not need to be held hostage by negative thoughts..that can be unlearned
I have a few other links but this is the only one I can access on this laptop
https://au.reachout.com/articles/how...ative-thoughts
D
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2021
Location: PNW, US
Posts: 3,309
Originally Posted by Zura 
So sorry to hear you are struggling Pekelover. Hugs for you.
I hope you can find a way to be gentle and compassionate with yourself. You are not any of those negative thoughts you are thinking about yourself.
Sometimes we have to sit with/endure uncomfortable feelings but don't believe those thoughts. They're simply not true. I think your ideas to write those lists are awesome. Focus on what brings you joy. Focus not on what you have lost, but what you have, and what you can have.
Feel better soon ❤️
I hope you can find a way to be gentle and compassionate with yourself. You are not any of those negative thoughts you are thinking about yourself.
Sometimes we have to sit with/endure uncomfortable feelings but don't believe those thoughts. They're simply not true. I think your ideas to write those lists are awesome. Focus on what brings you joy. Focus not on what you have lost, but what you have, and what you can have.
Feel better soon ❤️
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2021
Location: PNW, US
Posts: 3,309
Originally Posted by Dee74
I remember getting sober was very hard - and I didn't have all the other things you have going on in your life.
I had health worries tho, and depression, and regret and self loathing....
But...I dismissed drinking a viable option anymore...so whatever my problems were, whatever demons I had I had to find new ways to deal with them.
First I had to accept that everyone goes through trying times. Not everyone can be Pollyanna every day - and thats ok.
I also had to draw a line between then and now.
The past is gone.
Even If I felt I had been weak, I was now capable of being strong.
Even if I was full of regrets and guilt and shame, every new day gave me a new fresh clean slate to work on.
Even tho I felt this was the end, it was actually a new beginning.
You can learn to love yourself again, you can be the person you always wanted to be, and you do not need to be held hostage by negative thoughts..that can be unlearned
I have a few other links but this is the only one I can access on this laptop
https://au.reachout.com/articles/how-to-challenge-negative-thoughts
D
I had health worries tho, and depression, and regret and self loathing....
But...I dismissed drinking a viable option anymore...so whatever my problems were, whatever demons I had I had to find new ways to deal with them.
First I had to accept that everyone goes through trying times. Not everyone can be Pollyanna every day - and thats ok.
I also had to draw a line between then and now.
The past is gone.
Even If I felt I had been weak, I was now capable of being strong.
Even if I was full of regrets and guilt and shame, every new day gave me a new fresh clean slate to work on.
Even tho I felt this was the end, it was actually a new beginning.
You can learn to love yourself again, you can be the person you always wanted to be, and you do not need to be held hostage by negative thoughts..that can be unlearned
I have a few other links but this is the only one I can access on this laptop
https://au.reachout.com/articles/how-to-challenge-negative-thoughts
D
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,383
Simple Steps to Stop Negative Thoughts
While some may need to seek help from professionals, Lisa W. Coyne, PhD. suggests there are “simple steps that folks might practice, helping them detach from that critical voice and build more joy and vitality and connection in their lives.”
https://www.mcleanhospital.org/essen...ative-thinking
September 14, 2021
While some may need to seek help from professionals, Lisa W. Coyne, PhD. suggests there are “simple steps that folks might practice, helping them detach from that critical voice and build more joy and vitality and connection in their lives.”
1. Pause a Moment
If you are feeling stressed, anxious, or stuck in negative thinking patterns, PAUSE. Focus your awareness on the world around you with your five senses.2. Notice the Difference
NOTICE the difference between being stuck in your thoughts vs. experiencing the present moment through your five senses. Notice also what you have been up to in your mind. Were you arguing with yourself? Struggling with disproving negative or critical self-evaluations? Trying to push unpleasant thoughts or images out of your head? Ask yourself whether this mental struggle is serving you well.3. Label Your Thoughts
If it isn’t, see if you can step back and LABEL your thoughts as they are, rather than literal truths. For example, you might practice slowing down your thoughts and adding to them the stem “I am having the thought that ….” Continue this practice of labeling, without attempting to soften, change, or avoid whatever thoughts you happen to be having. See if you can notice what it is like to have some distance between you—the thinker—and your thoughts.4. Choose Your Intention
Once you have PAUSED from your mental struggle, NOTICED what’s happening and how it’s been working, and LABELED your thoughts for what they are—simple, mental weather that will come and go—you are better able to CHOOSE your intention, and the next right step for you. Are you going to continue to struggle with your thoughts? Or you can choose to take a small step toward something that matters to you in your life.https://www.mcleanhospital.org/essen...ative-thinking
September 14, 2021
https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-...inking-3024843
https://www.healthline.com/health/me...ative-thoughts
https://sdlab.fas.harvard.edu/cognit...ought-patterns
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,544
All of the above Peke ❤️, but you know what, it doesn't matter too much to me now on how I feel. They are just feelings, and they will pass. Have to apply strategies of course, best I can, but outside of that, they are just feelings, of which there are many. Lucky to feel them in a sober state is how feel, if truth be known.
I'm grateful to feel these feelings, funny as that might seem, because in the back of my mind, and in my heart, I know that I am sober, and know that I will deal with them when my mind and body is ready.
I agree with what everyone has said Peke, but I don't think you are going to feel better about yourself forever while you are carrying the secret of drinking (at home alone.). I think this would be core to your current feeling state Peke, and think you need to get honest, not for others so much, but for yourself.
Love to you Peke. xxx
I'm grateful to feel these feelings, funny as that might seem, because in the back of my mind, and in my heart, I know that I am sober, and know that I will deal with them when my mind and body is ready.
I agree with what everyone has said Peke, but I don't think you are going to feel better about yourself forever while you are carrying the secret of drinking (at home alone.). I think this would be core to your current feeling state Peke, and think you need to get honest, not for others so much, but for yourself.
Love to you Peke. xxx
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Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,163
Originally Posted by Dee74
Simple Steps to Stop Negative Thoughts
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Peke, I agree with you that standing still and facing all the messes and consequences of my drinking was the hardest part of recovery by far. Sadly, there seems to be no way around it. In fact, I think it's essential to look honestly at what we did, in order to move forward with recovery.
You're not stupid or weak. You have an addiction and you are working to heal. Do what you can to keep the negative thoughts at bay. There were times when I had to go hour by hour without allowing negative thinking into my mind. But, it gets easier.
You're not stupid or weak. You have an addiction and you are working to heal. Do what you can to keep the negative thoughts at bay. There were times when I had to go hour by hour without allowing negative thinking into my mind. But, it gets easier.
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