No motivation
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Georgia
Posts: 1,366
No motivation
It’s been 130 days since my last drink. I honestly don’t want to drink and have thoughts about drinking anymore. Which is huge because the reason I could never obtain sobriety for this long before was because of the obsession. While I’m thrilled about that, I am lacking motivation to make improvements in other areas of my life. I need to lose some more weight and I start my day with good intentions and healthy food then give in my 12pm or after. I’m craving sugar all the time it seems and I give in so it keeps the cycle going. I’m not as active in playing with my young son as I should be; I let him watch way too much tv or iPad. I take showers often but lack the motivation to wear makeup or “look good”.
I feel tired, forgetful (brain fog), and just a general feeling of not feeling motivated, for a lack of a better term.
I do have an appt with a specialist to check my thyroid again. I suspect thyroid issues but all tests from PCP come back normal. My mom and sister do have hypothyroidism so that’s why I contacted a specialist. That appt isn’t until May however.
Maybe it is truly depression. I don’t know. But hoping to find some holistic approaches to dealing with depression for safe measures. There is tons of stress too financially.
One the up side, my husband is on day 3 of no drinking. He made a comment Sunday (while drinking) that if he won the lottery, the first thing he would do is check into a recovery center. Monday, to my surprise, he decided to give stopping on his own a try. I’ve made a few comments here and there and his cardiologist recommended stopping as well, so I’m not sure why he finally made the decision but I’m happy for it.
I feel tired, forgetful (brain fog), and just a general feeling of not feeling motivated, for a lack of a better term.
I do have an appt with a specialist to check my thyroid again. I suspect thyroid issues but all tests from PCP come back normal. My mom and sister do have hypothyroidism so that’s why I contacted a specialist. That appt isn’t until May however.
Maybe it is truly depression. I don’t know. But hoping to find some holistic approaches to dealing with depression for safe measures. There is tons of stress too financially.
One the up side, my husband is on day 3 of no drinking. He made a comment Sunday (while drinking) that if he won the lottery, the first thing he would do is check into a recovery center. Monday, to my surprise, he decided to give stopping on his own a try. I’ve made a few comments here and there and his cardiologist recommended stopping as well, so I’m not sure why he finally made the decision but I’m happy for it.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2021
Location: Central NC
Posts: 205
Hi Jillian, great job on 130 days of sobriety! That definitely is something to be thrilled about. It's a huge deal!
Quitting drinking doesn't necessarily entail making improvements in other areas of your life. As I often hear, "Quitting drinking won't solve all your problems, but it will solve that one." Did you have issues with finding motivation before drinking became a problem? I know I did, and always have had to deal with that. When I drank, I didn't accomplish much of anything either. I just didn't care about it.
I think it is wise to get checked out by a doctor, and I completely understand wanting to deal with depression in a more holistic way, if it turns out that's one of the problems. I'm in the process of weaning off my medication for that, so I get it.
Also glad to hear your husband is taking another crack at sobriety! That will be some added support, for both of you.
Quitting drinking doesn't necessarily entail making improvements in other areas of your life. As I often hear, "Quitting drinking won't solve all your problems, but it will solve that one." Did you have issues with finding motivation before drinking became a problem? I know I did, and always have had to deal with that. When I drank, I didn't accomplish much of anything either. I just didn't care about it.
I think it is wise to get checked out by a doctor, and I completely understand wanting to deal with depression in a more holistic way, if it turns out that's one of the problems. I'm in the process of weaning off my medication for that, so I get it.
Also glad to hear your husband is taking another crack at sobriety! That will be some added support, for both of you.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
I see similarities in your post and my very first post to SR back in Sept of 2010:
One of the reasons (just one of many) that helped me quit drinking was the realization of how much time and energy I devoted to being a drunk. One of my hopes for sobriety was to recapture all that time, to put it to better use. Finally, I thought, projects that I start would get finished, new outlets for my creativity would be explored. That has turned out NOT to be the case. Minus the drinking, my time is spent pretty much doing the same things.Admittedly, much of my time has been devoted to maintaining my sobriety. That I understand. But outside that, I don’t seem to be making constructive use of my time.Is that just part of early recovery? If I don’t change how I spend my time, and I in danger of falling back on alcohol?
I was only weeks sober when I wrote that, but even months later--which I now recognize as still early sobriety--I was still plagued by not meeting the expectations I had set for myself. Except for one major thing...MY RECOVERY. As time passed, everything else fell in place. After the first year I had major improvements in multiple areas of my life. Those wouldn't have happened if I never got sober. But I also learned that certain characteristics, or qualities, I have are just the way I am. I procrastinate, I worry, I'm anal retentive, I'm hyperactive, I'm a perfectionist. I was that way drunk. I'm that way sober. But the parts of me that suffered from being an addict have improved immensely. They will for you.
One of the reasons (just one of many) that helped me quit drinking was the realization of how much time and energy I devoted to being a drunk. One of my hopes for sobriety was to recapture all that time, to put it to better use. Finally, I thought, projects that I start would get finished, new outlets for my creativity would be explored. That has turned out NOT to be the case. Minus the drinking, my time is spent pretty much doing the same things.Admittedly, much of my time has been devoted to maintaining my sobriety. That I understand. But outside that, I don’t seem to be making constructive use of my time.Is that just part of early recovery? If I don’t change how I spend my time, and I in danger of falling back on alcohol?
I was only weeks sober when I wrote that, but even months later--which I now recognize as still early sobriety--I was still plagued by not meeting the expectations I had set for myself. Except for one major thing...MY RECOVERY. As time passed, everything else fell in place. After the first year I had major improvements in multiple areas of my life. Those wouldn't have happened if I never got sober. But I also learned that certain characteristics, or qualities, I have are just the way I am. I procrastinate, I worry, I'm anal retentive, I'm hyperactive, I'm a perfectionist. I was that way drunk. I'm that way sober. But the parts of me that suffered from being an addict have improved immensely. They will for you.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 710
Originally Posted by doggonecarl 
I see similarities in your post and my very first post to SR back in Sept of 2010:
One of the reasons (just one of many) that helped me quit drinking was the realization of how much time and energy I devoted to being a drunk. One of my hopes for sobriety was to recapture all that time, to put it to better use. Finally, I thought, projects that I start would get finished, new outlets for my creativity would be explored. That has turned out NOT to be the case. Minus the drinking, my time is spent pretty much doing the same things.Admittedly, much of my time has been devoted to maintaining my sobriety. That I understand. But outside that, I don’t seem to be making constructive use of my time.Is that just part of early recovery? If I don’t change how I spend my time, and I in danger of falling back on alcohol?
I was only weeks sober when I wrote that, but even months later--which I now recognize as still early sobriety--I was still plagued by not meeting the expectations I had set for myself. Except for one major thing...MY RECOVERY. As time passed, everything else fell in place. After the first year I had major improvements in multiple areas of my life. Those wouldn't have happened if I never got sober. But I also learned that certain characteristics, or qualities, I have are just the way I am. I procrastinate, I worry, I'm anal retentive, I'm hyperactive, I'm a perfectionist. I was that way drunk. I'm that way sober. But the parts of me that suffered from being an addict have improved immensely. They will for you.
One of the reasons (just one of many) that helped me quit drinking was the realization of how much time and energy I devoted to being a drunk. One of my hopes for sobriety was to recapture all that time, to put it to better use. Finally, I thought, projects that I start would get finished, new outlets for my creativity would be explored. That has turned out NOT to be the case. Minus the drinking, my time is spent pretty much doing the same things.Admittedly, much of my time has been devoted to maintaining my sobriety. That I understand. But outside that, I don’t seem to be making constructive use of my time.Is that just part of early recovery? If I don’t change how I spend my time, and I in danger of falling back on alcohol?
I was only weeks sober when I wrote that, but even months later--which I now recognize as still early sobriety--I was still plagued by not meeting the expectations I had set for myself. Except for one major thing...MY RECOVERY. As time passed, everything else fell in place. After the first year I had major improvements in multiple areas of my life. Those wouldn't have happened if I never got sober. But I also learned that certain characteristics, or qualities, I have are just the way I am. I procrastinate, I worry, I'm anal retentive, I'm hyperactive, I'm a perfectionist. I was that way drunk. I'm that way sober. But the parts of me that suffered from being an addict have improved immensely. They will for you.
This is a trait of my personality I have identified and I am working on. The constant insatisfaction and fixation on what is missing is the fastest route (for me at least) to depression, anxiety and thought distorsion that can lead to 'excuses', that is, to drinking. I am accepting this is who I am and trying to channel these traits positively: I will always thrive to become better, but this should include working in being 'enough'.
The insight that being sober allows about ourself is not always great or pretty, but it is so much better than the constant avoidance of mirrors because we hate what we see. Make the most of this lack of motivation and try to observe it as something you are learning from without judging it one way or another
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 1,951
Hi Jilian, I am on Day 124 and feel the same symptoms - massive sugar cravings through out the day, 'meh' dull days and ruminating thoughts (big issue I am trying to overcome). As Carl indicated, we expect lot of new things after becoming sober. But when we find nothing much changes, it's normal to feel a bit miserable for some time I guess. I am taking this new found time as an opportunity to achieve other things in my life rather than wasting time over a stupid time wasting habit.
Think through what you want to achieve personally/professionally/physically/spiritually over the next 12 months. It could be searching for a new job(I am doing this) or becoming physically fit or learning yoga, writing a book on your favorite topic, learning a new sport etc. Also let us not expect too much from ourselves. We only have become 'normal' now.
Think through what you want to achieve personally/professionally/physically/spiritually over the next 12 months. It could be searching for a new job(I am doing this) or becoming physically fit or learning yoga, writing a book on your favorite topic, learning a new sport etc. Also let us not expect too much from ourselves. We only have become 'normal' now.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
Yes, it could be depression, Jillian, which maybe was masked by alcohol. Maybe you could consider talking to your doctor at some point. I do take antidepressants, which level the playing field for me. But, I still need to be mindful about depression. Exercise, especially outside, and music are the most helpful things for me.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: NC
Posts: 5,148
The similarities we all have never cease to amaze me.
Hang in there it's still early.
I started off full of energy then it all went away for a while. I believe I am now starting to level out.
2 years later.
This stuff takes time.
Keep up the Good Work!
Be easy on yourself
Hang in there it's still early.
I started off full of energy then it all went away for a while. I believe I am now starting to level out.
2 years later.
This stuff takes time.
Keep up the Good Work!
Be easy on yourself
Yield beautiful changes
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: A home filled with love
Posts: 1,696
I’m with you. Honest introspection is ROUGH. Some days I just want to cover my head with a blanket and cry. Some days I do that for a bit.
But I feel better when I move/clean/sing/talk/go to a meeting/play a board game with my kids/exercise. So I haul this tired, kinda sad brain out of bed and do a little of what’s good for me each day. And it’s getting a little better, a little easier.
Maybe some depression is at the root of issues for me. Maybe I’ve induced some depression in my non-using brain by propping myself up with a chemical crutch for so long? Time will tell. In the meantime I’ll just not use and try to go easy on myself.
Thinking of you today!
-TC
But I feel better when I move/clean/sing/talk/go to a meeting/play a board game with my kids/exercise. So I haul this tired, kinda sad brain out of bed and do a little of what’s good for me each day. And it’s getting a little better, a little easier.
Maybe some depression is at the root of issues for me. Maybe I’ve induced some depression in my non-using brain by propping myself up with a chemical crutch for so long? Time will tell. In the meantime I’ll just not use and try to go easy on myself.
Thinking of you today!
-TC
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,561
Wow, so many really insightful posts here. The ones by KAD65 and especially doggonecarl describe me perfectly. I still have those annoying traits, such as procrastination and perfectionism, and have to force myself to get things done - but I'm not drinking to relieve the stress of it.. and my overall anxiety is lower. I sleep much better at night. I will also mention that eating too much sugar, while better than drinking, really does a number on my energy levels. As did the 10 lb weight gain that came along with it.
Hang in there Jillian, things will slowly improve.
Hang in there Jillian, things will slowly improve.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,025
Hi Jillian - it’s totally expected. In a way quitting drinking is destroying something, which can be done with one big hit (not an easy one, but all it takes is not drinking).
Rebuilding life has to be done brick by brick, and it seems overwhelming because we want it to go as fast as the destruction process, but it can’t be.
It seemed overwhelming to me too, but like you, I had a good idea of where I wanted things to get to.
So I encourage you to ask yourself the following: what have you got now that could take you one small step further along the way? Be honest with the answer, then take that step.
Once there ask yourself the same question.
Then again, and again, and again.
It may seem like nothing significant at the time, but lots of little things join up to bigger and bigger ones.
My best wishes to you
Rebuilding life has to be done brick by brick, and it seems overwhelming because we want it to go as fast as the destruction process, but it can’t be.
It seemed overwhelming to me too, but like you, I had a good idea of where I wanted things to get to.
So I encourage you to ask yourself the following: what have you got now that could take you one small step further along the way? Be honest with the answer, then take that step.
Once there ask yourself the same question.
Then again, and again, and again.
It may seem like nothing significant at the time, but lots of little things join up to bigger and bigger ones.
My best wishes to you
01-14-2019
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Midwest
Posts: 1,217
I’ve been sober 3 years and I’m still growing. At lot of what was said already rings true for me as well.
I realized that every time I quit I was really hard on myself about everything else as well, and all these new goals and expectations of a person I was gonna be….and it was too much.
I simplified it to a simple daily goal of not drinking. The rest can wait or I wouldn’t despair over it. I actually feel kinda like I’ve stumbled on some sort of super easy metric of what I consider a successful day. All else can be going wrong, but as long as I didn’t drink, I had met my personal goal for the day. Reaching that goal allows for the rest to get sorted out, worked on, etc.
I realized that every time I quit I was really hard on myself about everything else as well, and all these new goals and expectations of a person I was gonna be….and it was too much.
I simplified it to a simple daily goal of not drinking. The rest can wait or I wouldn’t despair over it. I actually feel kinda like I’ve stumbled on some sort of super easy metric of what I consider a successful day. All else can be going wrong, but as long as I didn’t drink, I had met my personal goal for the day. Reaching that goal allows for the rest to get sorted out, worked on, etc.
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