Cessie

The evenings are the worst. I want to reward myself with a drink, a way to unwind. Something for just me, don't have to share with the kids etc. One always turns into a few. I don't know how to make the evenings work. I can't just go out and remove myself from the situation (due to kiddos nighttime needs.) I think I need a dry house for some period of weeks during my recovery yet I hate asking that of my spouse. He has already cut out alcohol to achieve fitness goals (He will dump all alcohol for me in a heartbeat, I just hate asking that. It feels selfish asking that of him when he already has good self control there and with food for his fitness goals.) And how to deal with extended family who reg bring a 6 pack over when they do come over? Do I banish alcohol from my house?

I am trying to get sober for lots of reasons! Just hard when you feel so alone in the struggles and with the judgement.

Dee74

Hi Cessie - welcome!

you could do worse than spend some time on here in the evenings - a lot of people do
Check out our March support thread - its for everyone wanting to quit this month.

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-part1-18.html

I made my house a dry house when I quit. I wasn't living with anyone though....

I don't think its selfish tho. My house my rules.

I realise a dry house sounds weird and might make people wonder why but, if your husbands quit for health and fitness reasons, wouldn't that be a good reason to get rid of alcohol and a good reason for both of you to tell others and explain the no alcohol policy?

D

advbike

I keep no alcohol in my home. Too tempting. If a friend comes over they might have a glass of wine or a beer but they know I don't drink, so they are respectful.

If your husband is already on board you couldn't get better support. Just get rid of it. Best to be honest too, he will probably be happy for your positive change.

nez

If drinking is your reward, how the hell do you punish yourself?

SimplySue

Dry house all the way. It’s a habit you need to break, so removing temptation is key. I’m sure your husband will support you if he understands it’s hard for you when the booze is there.
Also, you need to find other things to distract you.
Posting on here, doing some exercise. Anything to keep your mind from wandering and thinking about booze.

Hodd

^ To be fair, most of us “rewarded” ourselves with an evening drink. The problem is the body comes to expect that evening drink, and you’re then just feeding an addiction rather than drinking to relax. If you go without a drink during this time, you feel stressed, but that’s due to the lack of alcohol rather than a busy day. Only one way to break that cruel cycle …

Sounds like your husband will support, fantastic. The family/friends who bring a six pack need to be told firmly you don’t drink anymore for a healthier lifestyle. It’s not the big deal people think it is to tell others you don’t drink. Well done and good luck breaking the cycle. It’ll be a tough and fidgety few weeks but so so worth it.

DriGuy

Your reluctance to ask that of your husband, who has given it up himself, is bizarre. He wants to give it up for his own health, and I can't imagine what reason there would be to want you to stay drunk. I could do all kinds of armchair psychoanalysis right now, but I'll leave that to you. You must see how illogical that is. Think this one through.

In this early stage, I would tell them that drinking was not allowed. Later that may or may not be possible. You are at your most vulnerable point in thinking about recovery right now. Don't mess around with worrying about other people's reactions. If you can't make these kinds of decisions, your prognosis is dim. Recovery is no fooling around. You design a plan of action and you remove all temptations until you are strong.

You are not alone. That's why we have this forum. And your husband is there with you. You would not be alone if you weren't working so hard to keep him out of the process.

Evenings were the worst time for me too. Evenings were "my time" after a day at work. I could do anything I wanted on "my time." I chose to feed my addiction, although I never put it in those terms. I hid that from view with a pretense of having an adult drink before dinner. Unfortunately, being an alcoholic, one drink was always the start of an evening that never ended any other way. I used to say I drank because I was bored. No wonder I was bored. There was nothing to "my time" but drinking. Where's the variety in that? Boredom was an outcome of my drinking, not the cause.

Surrendered19

Pounce on that opportunity Cessie!!! If your Hubby is willing, take him up on it.

As for others, I am at the point in my recovery that if someone comes over, they can bring whatever they want to drink, but then they take it with them when they go.

I always am in bewildered awe of folks who can stay sober with booze in their house. I'm pretty sure I am not one of those people but I don't intend to ever test that theory.

aasharon90

There is no shame in asking for help.
You have strong support right there with you,
which is awesome and comforting to help you
achieve that step in beginning your recovery
journey.

There is also support in recovery meetings
and here in SR. so that you never have to
go through anything in life alone or by yourself.

In early recovery we will be going through many
changes within ourselves as well as life. Many years
we would reach for alcohol or some kind of toxic
substance to either numb or fuel our feelings to
get pass whatever we are dealing with.

Before we know it it has become an addiction and
we don't know how to manage it. Recovery programs
and support, helps us learn how to live life without that
crutch and addiction.

Removing alcohol in our own home here, prevents
us from reaching for that poison which would be easy
to grab in any kind of situation or temptation, excuse,
or reason, good or bad and keep us in our sickness
and addiction.

Recovery for me began in a 28 day rehab hospital when
family did an intervention on me. Seeking help for my mental
and physical state back in August 1990.

As a stay at home mom and wife spending that short
amount of time having others capable of teaching me
about addiction and recovery saved my life. From that
moment on, i took those teachings and lessons and built
my life upon a foundation to help me remain sober for
31 yrs of continuous sobriety.

My journey is far from over and there is still lots to learn
and lots of life to live remaiingn true to myself, honest in all
my affairs and free from my addiction.

Grab a hold of all the support you can and don't let
go of your recovery lifelines that will gently guide you
to learning how to live life to the best of your human
ability to achieve health, happiness moving forward.

doggonecarl

No, your addiction hates asking; that way there's alcohol in the house. For drinking. Which is what you say you are trying to stop. So get rid of it. All of it.

dustyfox

I was the same 'reward drink' after kids have gone to bed.
Now I make sure I have something lined up on Netflix, an alternative drink, ginger and lemon, my husband doesn't now drink in the week. I have no drink in the house.
I post here and read threads, supporting others where/if I can. It helps a lot. Good luck.

Anna

Your husband is willing to banish alcohol, so go for it. I have no alcohol in the house, ever and I'm very happy with that. It just makes things a bit more simple.