Day 19 - AV says “What’s the point?”
 

Day 19 - for some reason this is often my stumbling block. Still feel sluggish and as if my brain has been injected with glue ! My AV whispered “So what’s the point of all this healthy living if you feel worse than when you were drinking ? “ but I told him (I visualise him like Gollum in The Hobbit) to f@#& off ! Onwards !

Yes! You're succeeding :)

Trust me, you don't feel worse- your AV just wants you to believe that. Keep going, don't go back to a Day One. Think of exactly how that would feel.

You're doing great- keep it up and good on you telling the AV where to go-------->

Ican, I believe in your thread yesterday, DriGuy suggested your AV might be along soon.. And so it is. I am so glad you are more vigilant and aware of it now.

This is what happens as we begin to pull out of the physical cravings - it becomes a mental game, and your approach is right on - tell it to eff off immediately. Never debate the AV.

My AV is extremely sneaky. Once it has figured out the basic tricks like great dinner, nice day, job well done let's have a reward, etc.. aren't going to work, it becomes more subtle. How about a nice vacation in the spring? or a trip to the islands?

Keep on with your vigilance, things will get better. Every time you resist, you get stronger and the AV gets weaker.

You are amazing I can!!!

Love the visual of Gollum!! I imagine him sitting with a glass of wine stroking it going myyyyy Preciousssss! Well he can keep his precious as to us its poison not anything precious! Telling him to do one is the best! I dont get my AV as often these days but when he comes round I mutter to him! What people must think if they see me! A right loon talking to herself but giving her AV a right piece of her mind and informing him that he has no clue what is good for me! Even on bad days being healthy is good. Even when it feels like its not working, the reality is is that it IS working!!

Well done for telling Gollum to f&&% O^*! I'm very proud of you! xx

If I can't come up with one logical reason why I am doing something, but it annoys my AV, it is overwhelmingly likely I am doing the right thing.

Keep It Going! :ring

You can do this :)
D

The point is, you are not disappointed in yourself, and moving forward, pitching against Gollum.

I think the better point to make would be to ask what good would a drink serve?

It would serve no point apart from making me want about 10 more !

Same happens to me Ican.

And it all starts with that first drink. And who wants to have 1-2 drinks at anyrate? Waste of time. It seems I seeks oblivion, escape, only. I'd rather sit sober wondering why I seek such a state. I'm getting there, slowly, often painfully. I'm growing. I can feel it. Pride.

I think the best thing to come out of it has been the loss of the guilt and shame. Respect from those who once condemned me.

Onwards Ican. We have Gollum to defeat.

Yep, never any point in one drink. Gollum is a good image for the AV!
Life does get better - but for some of us , (me included) it seems to take a while.
Your are doing amazing stuff ICAN!

Yeah, ignore that little weasel in your head. You are doing great ICDT. And you are right. Who has 1 or 2 drinks? Not any of us, that's for sure. There endeth the conversation. We don't drink anymore. Simple as that.

So true with the whats the point in one drink only! I could never understand the mindset of just the one! Thats why I have an addiction. My lovely mum has a glass of prosecco and then puts a spoon in the top to keep the fizz and puts it back in the fridge. I laugh as the concept of putting the bottle back in the fridge doesnt make sense to me! Because I never had any left to put in the fridge! I still don't get the only one or putting the bottle away after a glass. I never will which is why i dont have that first drink and never will!

Go away Gollum!!!

Get ye to a godless brewery Gollum. Get, and begone! We are poets all, and ican is our friend. We are stronger than you, you chiseling chump. :) I'm lovin' it Ican.....sober another day. 🌅

We drink because the breakdown of alcohol in our liver leaves a toxin in our alcoholic body. The physical and mental discomfort caused by this toxin can be lessened by more alcohol, which again must be broken down, leading to additional toxin in our body. This is the biological component of alcoholism, and it is always in play if you are an alcoholic. But we always hear about the psychological component too, which is often interpreted as a moral failure, which it is not. Instead, we have been conditioned to realize that more alcohol TEMPORARILY lessens the effect of the physical and mental effects of the toxin (acetaldehyde), although we may not know what that is.

I may be on thin ice here, but I think the psychological component is secondary to the biological effects of the toxin. We know that alcohol will relieve the stress caused by the toxin from our liver's assimilation of alcohol, so we mistakenly come to believe that alcohol will relieve all kinds of stress, and then we drink even when it doesn't work.

I think the early recovery, cravings are this biological factor at work. In the second phase of recovery, after cravings become manageable, the psychological component of our addiction kicks in and is manifested as the alcoholic voice, and probably through other psychological dynamics as well. The psychological part of our addiction may or may not be even harder to manage than the physical cravings. Actually, the alcoholic voice is present during the cravings too, but for me, I couldn't recognize it when the cravings were taking up all of my attention.

Unfortunately, the psychological part of our addiction is the only part we can manage. We can never manage the toxins, we can only prevent their presence through abstinence, and then our biological addiction is no longer in play. Then we have to manage our psychology by learning to recognize our AV and to ignore it. Which is the harder task? I think it is different for each of us. For me, the biological part was harder. Once I was through that, it was only a matter of constantly choosing not to respond to my AV.

The toxin part of this description is fact, the rest is an opinion, because psychology is a daunting phenomenon and has less science in it than biology.

Outstanding analysis DriGuy. I'm saving that in my notes.

It was the psychological part that always got me, after being sober for awhile.

Your AV has no idea what recovery is. It wants what it wants and it wants it now. It got a lot worse for me before it started getting better. I had cement brain for the first 6 weeks sober. Little by little that first year I started to come around.