DeepBlue

Hello everyone,

it is so inspiring to read about the experiences of others on this forum - it is a real family with a common goal. I have struggled with alcohol all of my life (late 50s now) and have visited these forums on and off throughout that time. I have had some good periods of sobriety over the years and more Day Ones than I care to think about. I drink 1-2 bottles of wine most days but still manage to function, do my job,pay the bills etc. Most people would never guess what I problem I have with alcohol. But I do know how much it limits me from doing my best I could be so much more creative without it and happier too. I spend a lot of time listening to sober podcasts, reading self-improvement books etc - but have come to the conclusion that it is connection with other people that I need to help me through. I am in the UK and have never been to an AA meeting - even visiting the AA website brings me out in a sweat. But I don't think I will ever crack this on my own. I think I know why I drink but don't know how to solve that problem just yet. Anyway, this is my intro, and thanks for listening. Will try to contribute to the forum and hopefully move forward with some good sober days in the coming weeks.

Radix

I always found it helpful to hear others' pathways to success. For me, the concept of the AV rang true. What's more, the AV tells lies. The most damaging lie is that "you'll never be happy again without drinking." Or even "you'll never be happy tonight without drinking." But that's clearly a lie, and I know it... My own lived experience shows me that it's a lie, because I had many happy days without drinking, both before I started drinking and after I became sober. When I realized the AV was lying to me, it became easier to ignore it.

I don't know what will work for you, but that worked pretty well for me. I wish you all the best.

DeepBlue

My thanks to you Radix - I can very much relate to the way you describe AV. Even now I am already hearing it remind me that my sister's birthday, my mother's birthday etc are coming up and whispering to me about how I can't get through those things without drinking. I think we need to somehow not think about the future as otherwise it just feels too overwhelming

Hevyn

It's so good to see you, DeepBlue. When I first came here I had no idea how much it would mean to me. Reading all the posts & getting so much encouragement gave me the strength to quit a life threatening habit. I was on the verge of going off the rails until I began to participate here.

I never dreamed I'd be content or happy to live without alcohol, even though it was slowly killing me. Here I am, 14 yrs. sober. I visit SR numerous times a day. It helps me stay vigilant.

Dee74

good to hear from you again DeepBlue.
For me, really throwing myself into this community helped.

It really meant something to be around others who understood and to have others to ask for help when the compulsion to drink arose again.

It really helped to see people like me become healthy happy people living alcohol free lives.

I hope you'll stick around - I think it's worth trying

D

Radix

You can get through your sister's birthday without drinking. You can get through your mother's birthday without drinking. You can get through tonight without drinking. :-)

dustyfox

Hello Deepblue - there's always a reason to drink if you listen to your AV. There will always be a really good reason.
Switch the voice off and remember you want to kick the booze and have a better life for yourself.
Connecting here is a really good place to start, it will help enormously if you allow it to.

courage2

"Only connect" -- I wrote my master's thesis on that quote. You do a good thing to use it as a guide in SR, and you did a good thing to remind me & others of it.

Good things add up!

Colin1

Welcome back DeepBlue. You've come to the right place for connection with others who understand what you're going through

For me, figuring out why I drank didn't help me much at first. Once I was a few weeks alcohol free I started to be able to more rationally think things through and I slowly started working on that side of it. But that's just me and we are all different. Whatever works for you is right for you.

AA is great for those it helps, but there are a bunch of other tools you can also use. I'm 64 and I've been struggling with alcoholism most of my life. This time I'm working with concepts that called to me from a few of those tools. So far so good

Keep posting DB. Wishing you all the best with it!

Mizz

Former One bottle of wine or more wine drinker here.

I think it is good you are taking the steps to getting sober.
Gathering information. Moving yourself into what will inevitably be getting sober and then recovering. You are not alone and you do not have to go about this alone. This forum has helped me to build a healthier life. It can help you too. Once you are ready to commit, you can join a thread or make your own thread or dont do any of that. The community is positive and honest. Encouraging. Supportive.

If AA is not your jam, and it doesn't have to be, create your own program. There is SMART recovery, AVRT and many other methods.
Sobriety is not a 'One shoe" fits everyone kind of thing. I do not use a program per say. I have my own "program" of structure and daily tasks that has kept me sober. The sky is the limit.

Welcome aboard! I am so happy you are here.

Anna

Hi DeepBlue, you will always find understanding and support here so I hope you keep reading and posting. We do know how hard this is.

VikingGF

DeepBlue- I could have written your original post! You are in the right place- SR will help you achieve your goal- it is the only support I use and this place has never come up short. Welcome to you, and it is so good to have you here. Keep coming back.

Time2bfree

You’re absolutely right DeepBlue. Every time I think about the future and not drinking I sometimes feel anxious and a wee bit panicky. I’ve found that just living in the present and thinking about the day at hand really helps me.

DeepBlue

Thanks so much for your responses. I'm overwhelmed to receive so much support and encouragement from just a simple thread. I am already feeling better about tackling my AV and can feel the strength of all of you here. I think am only just beginning to learn how important "connection" is! You would have thought that I might have worked that one out a bit earlier in my life! For me, drinking on my own late at night has become truly lonely and self-centred thing. Thanks again for nudging me in the right direction

Radix

DeepBlue, just in case you need to hear someone say it: you don't have to drink tonight. You don't have to engage in that behavior you've identified as "lonely and self-centered." You don't have to do it. Your AV (which lies to you) will tell you that it's the only way to feel normal or good, or the only way to stave off boredom or melancholy. But those are lies.

What's more, if you don't drink tonight, then I can promise you with 100% certainty, as true as the sun will come up tomorrow, that you'll feel good about your decision when you wake up. Few things in life are as certain as that.

fishkiller

Any and All thoughts of drinking, reasons to, excuses to, why we "need" to, what we can't do without it, etc. Etc.

Is pure AV plain and simple.

We done Want to drink.
That is why we are here. Any thought otherwise is AV and should be ignored immediately. We do not converse with it. We shut it down.

You can do it. It is so worth it.

I am 52 with 2 years sober and I tell you it is the best thing I ever could have done. Especially at my age. Aint much time left. I'm gonna Live it not drown it.

dustyfox

I drank on my own late into the night for years and years - it doesn't deliver anything other than anxiety, weight gain, greater risk of heart disease, low self esteem, shame, bad skin, bad dreams - time to stop and make some real connections. You can do it!

DeepBlue

I very much related to what Fishkiller said about not much time left! I certainly hope that I will have several more years but we can never take that for granted and, I agree, what a waste it would be to drown those years rather than to live them. If I imagine what the future holds for me as I enter the later part of my life, it could be great, or it could be an alcoholic nightmare. I could be travelling, making new memories, finding new people, expressing myself, enjoying new experiences and growing spiritually...or sitting in a big heap in a dark corner of nowhere with nothing but myself and a bottle of false hope. I think maybe I'll go for option 1. Thanks again to Radix and Dustyfox for sending me strength against that AV!

Jo43

HI Deep Blue

I felt the same last year when I quit alcohol. I was petrified of going to an AA meeting! My dad drove me to it and walked around and opened my door and walked me to the gate where others were! Is there anyone that could take you for that initial bit of support? I found the people at the meeting so lovely! I was really welcomed! It was so much better than I thought it would be! There are also online meetings that you can join. You can have your camera and microphone off. You dont have to say a word but just sit and listen. I've done that a few times too when I felt I couldnt possibly say anything as my anxiety had taken over. Post here often as that will help too!

Where are you in the uk? I'm in the uk too so time wise we will be about the same times I will always answer if I am about. As long as my sprogs don't demand to bake cupcakes like today haha!

Sending you lots of hugs and support! You can do this as AA say one day at a time! xx

Hodd

Hi DeepB, welcome. You’re late fifties so have quite a few decades yet. Maybe sound more optimistic for the future? I’m U.K. too and am not that much younger than you. I’m constantly blown away how much I’ve changed since I quit 3 years back. No reason at all why you can’t have a similar journey. I didn’t do AA either, I changed my life so that drinking wouldn’t work anymore.