jagrnaut

Keep on cranking, you got this Chevy!!! I think that was cathartic for me to say it out loud that I know I can't drink, and that I am not wired like everyone else. In fact I am not a person of moderation really in anything that I do, which is something that I am learning about myself as well. I found solace in fully embracing that I am an "Alcoholic" even though that word holds such a negative stigma. Aside from that I personally don't let that word shape me as a person or hyper focus on it anymore. I don't forget to remind myself that my relationship with alcohol is over and that was a phase of my life that I am not going to revisit and that the real me has always been there, but was only being suppressed by the alcohol. I am not sure how you felt when you decided to quit, but I remind myself of the painful feeling of being stuck on a hamster wheel that I couldn't get off. It seriously was not fun anymore, and I am not crazy enough to want to keep doing something that provides less than zero to my overall life. Life is never perfect for anyone, but I don't think I have met one alcoholic that said their drinking improved one aspect of their life. I am here if you ever need support, I don't claim to know anything and I know I am a newborn in the world of recovery.

MrPL

That s the spirit Jag!

I had my first attempt of properly quitting at 32, and ended up drinking again after almost 2 years sober.

So by all means, do keep up the good vibes but definitely remain vigilant.

I’m just 6 months sober here, at 38 now, but the rule here is to focus on the day ahead, not the days behind. I won’t ever be less an alcoholic, it’s just a daily choice not to exercise that side of me.

Glad to see your life is improving sober, and well done for 5 months!

jagrnaut

Congrats on 6 months MrPL!!!

Free2bme888

Wonderful inspiring post!

Congrats 🎊

DriGuy

You've nailed down what recovery needs as a basic foundation. Call it alcoholic or whatever you want. We don't drink like most people, and our only hope is to stop trying. The next step is to never forget what you just said. We can never drink no matter how long we stay sober and expect things to be any different than they were before we quit. The good news is that alcohol is unnecessary in our lives.

jagrnaut

Quick little update. I am nearing 8 months of sobriety and each day gets better. That doesn't mean that every day is perfect, but I believe I am finally on a sustainable path and a path that doesn't include alcohol. Alcohol was a false friend and did nothing but bring me literally down into a pit of despair and self-loathing. The crazy thing is that the anxiety that I felt was 100% amplified by drinking and anyone who thinks that it will make it better is lying to themselves. I will remain vigilant, but what has personally helped me grow is to not hide from situations where alcohol is around. I wouldn't intentionally go to a bar or anything, but I don't shy away from places that sell alcohol (restaurants). I just tell myself that if I can't practice self-control, I will never succeed in sobriety. Alcohol is everywhere, it isn't like any other substance that requires some effort to get. I literally can go into any gas station or market, and it is right there, but it isn't there for me anymore. Keep on going friends, it takes a lot of work, but we all have plenty to fight for in our lives. Don't give up even if you slip up. Don't dwell on a relapse or let it derail you, we are all human.

jagrnaut

Edit, 7 months! Getting ahead of myself.

Dee74

congrats on 8 months jagrnaut.

I didn't really find it necessary to test myself - I just stayed out of harms (and alcohols) way until I knew I preferred being in recovery over everything else.

whatever works tho...right?

D

Free2bme888

7, 8, it’s ALL great! 🤓❤️

Hodd

Quitting at 37 is an amazing gift to yourself and those around you, Jag 👍

I’m very glad I quit at 49 a few years back, but like everyone I wished I’d quit years earlier. You’re in for a great future, Jag.

Mysteryman

Good thread.
I'm stuck on that stupid hamster wheel again. I've had periods of several months sober, and it's been great. But I've always ended up going back to drinking.
I've never fully admitted to those around me how bad my drinking is, although I'm aware they know I often drink to excess and I've also expressed my own concerns.
Drinking is so engrained in British culture that society is somewhat alarmingly tolerant of people who drink to excess but continue to function normally (Or at least appear to from the outside!).
My drinking has certainly caused me problems, affected my relationships, health and work performance, but from the outside I probably appear to be functioning normally. I'm fully aware I'm walking a tight rope though.
I've tried to articulate to friends and family that I simply cannot just have 1 drink and that I'd be better off not drinking for good, but it seems to fall on deaf ears.
I think even if I screamed from the rooftops, "I'm an alcoholic" that nobody would believe me.
I'm still in that phase where I haven't been officially branded an alcoholic, if that is even a thing. I.e. Not that I want to be known as an alcoholic, but if I was, I would probably get taken more seriously and have the support of those around me.
However, I'm still not ready to announce that, as I am terrified of the stigma.
In any case, I'm trying to muster the resolve to not drink again for good.
This is my new day 1.
Thanks

jagrnaut

I had the same problem early on of viewing myself as boring since I no longer drink. I decided that I don't care what anyone else thinks about me, because at the end of the day I am the one who has to live with myself. From what I read in your post you need to try and do just that. At the end of the day, where are all those people that you are concerned about going to be when the Dr tells you that your liver is shot? For me personally accepting that I am in fact an alcoholic was very liberating, but I don't let that label be what I am about. It is more about telling myself that alcohol is something that I can't have in my life anymore because I can't drink like other people. Other people can, or at least seem to have it under control, but I am not one of those people and that's ok. I lived my life happily and perfectly fine when I was younger and didn't touch alcohol. It is all about your mindset and retraining yourself to live a new life alcohol free. It doesn't need to make you a new person and it doesn't have to define you as a person as you move forward. I have actually found that no one cares that I don't drink and in fact many people have told me that it takes a real person to admit they have a problem and are addressing the issue. Too many people put their head in the sand and don't address the one thing that is hurting their lives. In your post you said that it has impacted quite a number of things in your life negatively and I can 100% relate to that. All of those things have begun to correct themselves the longer I am sober. I am rooting for you; I wish you the best of luck!!!

Mysteryman

Thanks. On day 4 now. Nearly slipped tonight but didnt. Feeling a bit better.

Dee74

I’m glad you didn’t slip MM

D

Hodd

Well done, MM. Maybe let us know on here if you feeling yourself slipping again?

jagrnaut

Quick update, 9 months a few days ago of sobriety. It is still an ongoing process, but I truly think I have it this time. This is the longest stretch I have ever had since I turned 21, and now I am 38. I am not too sure I would have made it this age or any older if I stayed on the path I was choosing. Keep pushing on sober recovery family, life is beautiful, and you only get one!

KTB5000

Great work on 9 months, keep it up

💙

Hawkeye13

Excellent news! Congratulations on 9 months!

Hevyn

Congrats, jag! 9 months - how wonderful is that?!

Lanterns

Congratulations on 9 months, Jagrnaut! Just reading through your story and this post really stayed with me - thank you. The false friend analysis was spot on.