Th3n3wm3

Day one. I've been doing coke almost every day for a couple of years now. At first it didn't feel like a problem but it's got to the point now where it's affecting my life every day. Just planning to get it, picking it up and doing that all over again later in the day prevents me from leading a normal day's life. Everything is controlled by coke.

I've decided to stop today. Cold turkey. I live in a remote rown in Africa and there are no treatment facilities near me. About 3 years ago, I flew south and checked in to rehab but I discharged myself after 2 weeks having had THE most awful experience there. NO support. No care, I actually have PTSD from the experience and am very wary of going into treatment again because that one is all I have to compare them to. So here I am on day one trying to do it alone. I feel as though I've lost a friend. I have a few heart palpitations and feel a bit anxious but I'm determined to fix my life and become the person I was before coke took over.
If there is anybody on these forums that's done something similar to me, please message me. I need help and mostly I just need someone who understands to talk to. Thanks for reading. Xxx

Anna

Welcome, and you are not alone. We are a family here and we do understand what you're going through. If you have any health concerns it might help to talk to your doctor. And, continue to read and post here for support.

"Just planning to get it, picking it up and doing that all over again later in the day prevents me from leading a normal day's life. Everything is controlled by coke." Alcohol was my demon, but I know exactly what you're talking about. My mind was consumed with everything to do with drinking. Have faith that you can get through this.

Surrendered19

Welcome to SR. Believe me when I say we've all done some version of what you describe to ourselves. I abused my drug of choice - alcohol - for 30 years. You are very wise to get on top of this now and I sure wish I had done so sooner.

I'm sorry you had such a negative experience in rehab/treatment. Many people here on SR and in my real life have had life-saving amazing experiences with stays in rehab and treatment. But as with all businesses, professions, clinics, hospitals, etc., there are examples here and there that can definitely lead to a terrible experience. I'm sorry that happened to you. I hope you don't give up on rehab or treatment as an option if you have it.

We understand and are here to talk. I hope you have some support nearby in your real life, but SR is a beautiful online community and it saved my life a few years ago.

Hevyn

I'm so glad you joined us. I'm sorry for the awful experience you had when trying to seek help.
I hope talking things over here will help you to not feel alone. It's great that you realize how damaging your addiction has become. You can get free of it.

sugarbear1

Glad you found SR!

I identify as an alcoholic, but cocaine use is a part of my story. I always found cocaine withdrawals to be more of a mental game than physical. I did have some mild physical withdrawal symptoms when I've quit cocaine in my past. Today I have 10 years free of alcohol or drugs.

You've made a fantastic decision to stop!

least

Welcome to the family. I don't know anything about coke, my DOC was alcohol. But I'm glad you joined us, and now, yes, you've got someone to talk to.

We have a whole forum dedicated to substance abuse. Give it a look.

Th3n3wm3

What kind and motivating messages you've all written to me. I'm truly grateful. Day one came and I couldn't handle it and went out and got coke but I've regrouped and decided to try again tomorrow. I'm terrified of the strength of the cravings but I am strong. I can do this. As an extra incentive I'm getting my husband to take my phone away from me during the day. If I can't call my dealer, I can't set it up so maybe that will help. Yes, my time in rehab was exactly the opposite of what I expected. I left feeling the lowest I've ever felt we were not allowed to have any physical contact with staff or other patients, no hugs or pats on the back. We were punished with hard labor for showing kindness to a colleague and I've never felt so alone as I did when I was there. I had never had suicidal thoughts before my time there. I just had to get out as I was worried I was going to do something stupid to myself. So I'll let you know how tomorrow goes. I also abuse sleeping pills and I plan on attacking both addictions at once. I know that I'm going to feel sorry for myself this week but I have a great supportive husband who is a doctor and he's going to help me. Thank you for all your kind words. I'm glad I found SR. Peace xx

fishkiller

It's tough but you can do it.

It is so worth it. You are worth it.

Never give up

Hevyn

Hi Th3 - I'm glad to read your optimistic post today. It's rough in the beginning, but every day gets a bit easier. The anxiety will settle down.

VikingGF

Welcome to SR and I love the sound of your determination. You can do it.

dustyfox

Keep posting here as you will find people are very supportive and kind.
It sounds like you are ready to take back your life!

Dee74

welcome to SR

D

Th3n3wm3

So just to update.. my day I has been pushed forward because of my weak will power. I'm starting day 1 tomorrow. I'm so very scared of failure. I feel low and useless when I impulsively just get coke because I know it fixes everything temporarily. I have to do this now. Legitimate suffering is what I'm expecting...let's just hope it's not too bad. Will check in tomorrow. How is everyone?

Dee74

Many of us faltered a time or two Th3n3wm3.
If you can commit to 24 hours clean and sober, no matter what, you'll be on your way - do everything you can to make that happen

D

Th3n3wm3

thanks Dee. Just what I needed to hear.

Hevyn

You're going to do it, Th3n3wm3. We're with you.

dustyfox

Keep strong - just don't let yourself give in. We will support you.

Hawkeye13

What I did the first few days of quitting drinking was to have lots of distractions like puzzles, old movies, starting a journal, etc. and planning out a schedule so there wasn’t a bunch of empty time to crave. I also took walks in Nature, took lots of hot showers / baths and did self-care things. Have things you like to eat / cook on hand as well.

You can absolutely do this!

Colin1

Th3n3wm3, what Hawkeye13 said above really helped me too when I quit drinking. I know how scary it can feel when we start out with leaving an addiction behind, but it is so worth it. Take it easy on yourself, it may take a few or more tries, but you can do this!