Lerxst

Hard to describe the physical sensation. Lightness, almost a pins and needles feeling. Definitely a deep sense of anxiety, a feeling that says, hey, a drink will put an end to this! Not fun. But it could be worse.

When I feel like this, I go read or watch videos on how alcohol damages you.

silentrun

Congratulations. Have you noticed your cravings lessen when the liquor store closes?

Lerxst

No. No idea when they close. Also the kitchen is still full of booze because other people in the house drink. I figure if I cannot control myself with it in the house, how could I control myself at a restaurant?

Ironically, the hard stuff in the cabinet belongs to my son's girlfriend, who keeps it here becasue her father is an ex-addict and refuses it to be allowed in his house.

Lerxst

I just took the DSM-5 questionairre... 6/11 meaning my problem has been SEVERE.

Lerxst

Also, I was diagnosed with depression 15 years ago and have been on Zoloft ever since. Hoping that stopping drinking will help with that too.

least

I am also on Zoloft (the generic sertraline) and after I got sober, it allowed my med to work as it should since I wasn't drinking a depressant every day. Within a few months my depression had lifted considerably.

silentrun

If I kept whiskey in the house it would whisper to me until I drank it. I'm lucky that there are no drinkers in the house and I realize not everyone has the luxury of having an alcohol-free zone.

Lerxst

Good to hear. It makes me very unhappy to go read online that Zoloft and other SSRIs are apparently rendered useless by booze. Not one doctor ever told me this. They know I drank, they know I took this drug. Not a word. Have to find it out on my own. grrrrrrrrrrr

Lerxst

We have a 6-pack of beer, bottles of vodka, gin, brandy, some nasty mango-flavored vodka I'd even drink sometimes, two bottles of white wine, and Irish creme. Sometimes I go look at it, but I have not yielded. I feel I have to master this because other situations will be harder.

Lerxst

Interesting talk on Youtube called: Alcohol and Depression - Dr. Conor Farren 2013

Free2bme888

Alcohol IS a depressant.

The book, Alcohol Explained, is an easy read and does a great job of explaining how alcohol affects us.

Lerxst

I had always though that the usages of the word were different: a depressant is a drug that tends to slow or sedate the nervous system, as opposed to stimulating it, while depression (to me at least) is a mental state where I simply find nothing of value in anything, even the things I like. I can imagine being totally sedated and loving the world, and I can imagine being on uppers/stimulants and still seeing everything as black and worthless.

I know the booze can affect the Zoloft function, so I am hopeful that I'll see an effect. I'm on a low dose, and my feeling has always been that it seems to take the edge off, but it has never prevented me from still seeing most everything in a negative light.

Actually I'd love to get off Zoloft too, but the few times I titrated down, s l o w l y.... I still felt awful. Brain zaps and GI issues.

That's another subject. I was diagnosed with IBS after many invasive tests over the years revealed nothing wrong with my guts... but they've been in a state of chaos ever since we will lived for a while in SE Asia and my wife and I ate something there (picked up a tropical sprue, probably) that changed our digestive systems forever, and not for the better. Hoping the removal of booze as an irritant helps make that situation better too. The Zoloft does seem to help regulate the IBS.

Lerxst

Sometimes when I would do my nightly waking up at 2 or 3 AM, my esophogus would really be letting me hear it - depending on what I drank. Wine or hard stuff could be really bad. And every time, I would think of my favorite author/journalist Christopher Hitchens, who drank like a fish and died young from esophogal cancer. Always scared me, always made me say "no more." But come next evening.... well you know how it goes.

As of 9:30PM tonight I will have hit 1 week.

Right now I am craving big time. But I craved yesterday and won, and I'll win again today.

boreas

Welcome Lerxst,
I relate to a great deal you’ve shared. Always wine, always in the evening, the antsy feeling about having a plan and supply, and the anxiety. It was only once I quit that things got so much better…my endless indigestion is gone, and my peace of mind returned. It takes a bit, but is so worth it.

One thing that really helped me early one was a change in routine. Since I cooked and drank on an empty stomach after work, I had leftovers ready to eat immediately when I got home. I started walking in the evenings. I bowled(?!) on the weekends. Anything to break up the ritual I so strongly associated with having a drink.

I figured out, as it seems you are, that the answer to the question, “Am I an alcoholic?” can be irrelevant. I had a problem that got worse over time, and had I continued to drink I would have kept sliding down that slope. Exactly where you are on the spectrum of problem drinking is less important than the fact that you have an opportunity to make a change.

I’ve not made it through the whole thread yet, so apologies for repeat advice.
Best wishes to you,
-bora

fishkiller

Congratulations on a Week!

That ain't easy. I went a couple decades without being able to put that together.
I have over 2 years now. It CAN done.

Good Work!

Lerxst

Trying Kava tea to mellow out. Tastes terrible. Suppose to be calming.

Surrendered19

One week is awesome Lerxst. Don't drink shyte to mellow out that tastes like shyte. That's my vote.

Going to be an interesting weekend here in MN. Snow, freezing rain, ice storms and thunderstorms. Gotta love MN.

My grill is lit and some whole tilapia are roasting nicely.

I hope your weekend is peaceful and healthy.

least

Congrats on a week sober!

Chamomile and peppermint teas are relaxing and don't taste bad.

advbike

Fantastic job Lerxst, you have really made strides toward a good life. Keep it going, friend!

Anna

I'm glad you're doing well, Lerxst.