2muchpain

Just venting here. Why do people see me as a sounding board or someone they can get something from. A guy at an AA meeting I didn't see for a while told me he was glad to see me cause he missed the money and cigs I would give him. A guy at the gym I go to talks on and one about he is 35 years old is set for life. Asks how I'm doing but quickly moves on to him and how great he is. I sent a birthday present to my sister, but she has not called to tell me she got it, but insists I call her when she sent me something. I was there for her every time she needed something. Nobody seems to care what is going on with me but wants me around when they need something. If I had a problem and reached out to both my sister and others, I would hear crickets. I know my personality is my biggest problem. Can't blame others for getting what they need. It's no wonder I stay to my self so much. I am my own worst enemy. Like I said, just venting.

least

Some people are better at taking than giving. I feel strongly that there are more good people than bad, but the bad people make more noise and get noticed more.

KAD65

Sounds like maybe it's a problem of not having clearly-defined boundaries. People take advantage of people they know will let them. I have the same problem, but it manifests in different ways.

advbike

I get it man. As a person with codependent traits, I have to be careful not to put other's needs before my own. It makes me feel good to help others but sometimes it isn't wanted, needed or valued. And I try to learn from their behaviors as to whether the relationship is fair.

You sound like a very good person, but you also need to be good to yourself, and disengage from those who take advantage. I do think the guy at the AA meeting was probably joking. Hopefully..

Anna

Being generous and giving are wonderful traits that you have, John, but it seems to be causing some resentment. I decided that, when I give a gift, it's because I want to. Therefore, I have no expectations attached to it. Sure, it's nice to get a thank-you, but if I feel good about giving the gift, it's not a big thing if I don't get a thank-you. On the other hand, I had a family member to whom I would routinely send a birthday gift. I never got a thank-you and I realized that I no longer felt good about sending a gift to that person, so I stopped. Maybe take a look at your boundaries and see if you can work things out so you don't feel taken advantage of.

Alpine

I totally understand what you are saying 2much and I have been taken advantage of way too many times. I am working on improving that and setting boundaries.

Leshar

I agree with the other posters that setting and maintaining boundaries is very important. When all is said and done though, I think you just never know what other folk and family even, are going through. I am striving to learn acceptance after many disappointments over perceived lack of support from family members. They have their own struggles. But yes, some people are indeed self centered and may try to take advantage of a good natured person. Boundaries!

sugarbear1

Have you worked the 12 steps of AA?

stickyone

I have had alot of the same feeling of resentment. This has helped me Every one is not against me. They just put themselves first. When I put myself first I had gotten alot if backlash since I would always put others first. I felt like they owed me or I deserved more compassion and empathy towards me. Resentment creep in. After putting in the work I discovered that I had alot of narcissist in my circle. That you can never win with. Just be you.

2muchpain

The thing is I don't think anybody owes me if I do something for them. Sometimes I think it is a way to open the door to a possible friendship but I guess they see it differently. Maybe this shows my desperation to connect to people. I've done some crazy things for people to like me. John

silentrun

I recognize your username and will always read your posts. People don't always think to tell you when they appreciate you.

Be123

In answer to your question - because everyone else has the same amount of crap going on between their ears as I do. My ego is MASSIVE - I think everything is about ME. It's a real issue for me that I am trying to develop, and I have a sneaky feeling if we did a survey of 100 addicts we'd find a pattern emerge.

In my first sober stint (starting feb 2020) the lyrics from the Streets song 'Empty cans' really resonated, and still does (their lead rapper is an alcoholic, in recovery). I can't recall them exactly but it's basically 'nobody has your back in the end, because they've all got their own stuff going on, they're just struggling to keep their heads above the water and put food on their own table'.

This may sound bleak and pessimistic but for me it's really empowering. I can't expect other people to give me what I need. I can't expect other people to react as I would want. I need to provide everything for myself and that takes a whole lot of work.

I'm nowhere near there and this morning I'm feeling super anxious about how my ex is responding to me. But I can only remind myself that she has her own stuff going on, her own demons, hopes and dreams, and to expect her to meet my needs this morning is extremely foolish. I need to meet them myself...so I'm off for a walk

fishkiller

I agree with be.
Everyone is lost in their own little world and for the most part don't see what others are doing or feeling. Most times it's not personal they just don't understand how their actions make you feel.

Sure there are greedy and inconsiderate folks out there also. Even those types are fighting demons.

When all else fails I try empathy and compassion. I feel sorry for them. Must suck to go through life being a selfish jerk. For that I empathize with them and wish for them to one day see the light and be a more considerate human.

We can't control their actions but We Can control how their actions make us feel.

You seem like a good human. Don't let others ways deter you from being who you are or make you feel bad about it.

Do it your way