Romanticizing the drink
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2019
Posts: 103
Romanticizing the drink
Hello everyone - I am a little more than three years sober, and recently had an interesting moment of romanticizing my previous life when I lived as an active alcoholic in a big city. This "daydream" involved selling my house I have worked so hard on, leaving my wife, dog, and family, and moving back to said city and essentially living out my days getting drunk and living in a small apartment. I would have a small budget, get drunk, and hang around the city and work enough to afford booze and a roof over my head and hopefully pick up the occasional woman at the bar. Carefree and fun in a beautiful, unique, and interesting place - my second home.
While I did have moments in my drinking career that could be described as carefree and fun, and I do sometimes miss where I used to live, the daydream did not include the crushing depression, anxiety, loneliness, and spiritual emptiness that came with drinking. Or the inevitable financial and physical catastrophes that were heading my way. When I finally gave up my fight with alcohol I was a wreck, and it is a condition I will never, ever go back to.
I've shared this with my sponsor, and I'm in no real danger of actually doing something as unbelievably stupid as this, but I wanted to share it with people here. Perhaps someone can identify, perhaps not, but regardless it does go to show just how upside down my mind can get. I'm glad I have this board and my other support networks to help - we can't do it alone.
Ringside
While I did have moments in my drinking career that could be described as carefree and fun, and I do sometimes miss where I used to live, the daydream did not include the crushing depression, anxiety, loneliness, and spiritual emptiness that came with drinking. Or the inevitable financial and physical catastrophes that were heading my way. When I finally gave up my fight with alcohol I was a wreck, and it is a condition I will never, ever go back to.
I've shared this with my sponsor, and I'm in no real danger of actually doing something as unbelievably stupid as this, but I wanted to share it with people here. Perhaps someone can identify, perhaps not, but regardless it does go to show just how upside down my mind can get. I'm glad I have this board and my other support networks to help - we can't do it alone.
Ringside
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
There is no harm in daydreaming!
I have a daydream where I sell popsicles from a bicycle, and I listen to hip hop, 80's and rock music all day. I've got a tan. The people are nice. I live in tropical weather. The nice kind of tropical weather, not the "way too humid someone's gonna pass out" tropical weather. Man, its an epic daydream! Just me and my flip flops, popsicles and a boom box.
But..... here I am. Here you are. We are doing the best thing we can with ourselves. Being responsible and all. Not drinking, or drugging or holing ourselves up in an apartment wasting our lives away. Not escaping.
You are not alone.
I have a daydream where I sell popsicles from a bicycle, and I listen to hip hop, 80's and rock music all day. I've got a tan. The people are nice. I live in tropical weather. The nice kind of tropical weather, not the "way too humid someone's gonna pass out" tropical weather. Man, its an epic daydream! Just me and my flip flops, popsicles and a boom box.
But..... here I am. Here you are. We are doing the best thing we can with ourselves. Being responsible and all. Not drinking, or drugging or holing ourselves up in an apartment wasting our lives away. Not escaping.
You are not alone.
Member
Join Date: May 2021
Location: England
Posts: 1,848
I know that fantasy ringside, a kind of urban bohemian life, risk taking and sensation seeking, intense, exciting yet empty relationships, glug, glug of bottles being drunk and more years slipping away
- and then waking up at 3 or 4 in the morning, anxious thumping heart, looking in the mirror at fading looks and eyes that held shame and fear. Justifying a lifestyle by recounting to myself all the artists, writers and musicians that lived an alcoholic life that was fascinating and inspiring. Waking up again with the same thumping heart and this time really scared that death might come too soon.
Thank you for your post ringside, it was a wonderful reminder of everything I never want to feel again! Congratulations on 3 years sober, that is wonderful!
- and then waking up at 3 or 4 in the morning, anxious thumping heart, looking in the mirror at fading looks and eyes that held shame and fear. Justifying a lifestyle by recounting to myself all the artists, writers and musicians that lived an alcoholic life that was fascinating and inspiring. Waking up again with the same thumping heart and this time really scared that death might come too soon.
Thank you for your post ringside, it was a wonderful reminder of everything I never want to feel again! Congratulations on 3 years sober, that is wonderful!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 3,987
Hi, first of all congratulations on 3 plus years! Your daydream sounds to me a bit more like a nightmare, or at least I imagine it ending that way.
May I ask, why do you think that romanticizing moment arose when it did? I'm on a very early sobriety/recovery path, and it would help me, I think, to have your point of view. Thanks.
May I ask, why do you think that romanticizing moment arose when it did? I'm on a very early sobriety/recovery path, and it would help me, I think, to have your point of view. Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2021
Location: Central NC
Posts: 205
Romanticizing drinking was what precipitated a relapse after 6 years of sobriety. I can definitely attest to the fact that it was every bit as bad as I remembered. There was not one thing about the experience that was in any way rewarding.
Congrats on your 3+ years, BTW!
Congrats on your 3+ years, BTW!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 121
Originally Posted by Ringside 
Hello everyone - I am a little more than three years sober, and recently had an interesting moment of romanticizing my previous life when I lived as an active alcoholic in a big city. This "daydream" involved selling my house I have worked so hard on, leaving my wife, dog, and family, and moving back to said city and essentially living out my days getting drunk and living in a small apartment. I would have a small budget, get drunk, and hang around the city and work enough to afford booze and a roof over my head and hopefully pick up the occasional woman at the bar. Carefree and fun in a beautiful, unique, and interesting place - my second home.
While I did have moments in my drinking career that could be described as carefree and fun, and I do sometimes miss where I used to live, the daydream did not include the crushing depression, anxiety, loneliness, and spiritual emptiness that came with drinking. Or the inevitable financial and physical catastrophes that were heading my way. When I finally gave up my fight with alcohol I was a wreck, and it is a condition I will never, ever go back to.
I've shared this with my sponsor, and I'm in no real danger of actually doing something as unbelievably stupid as this, but I wanted to share it with people here. Perhaps someone can identify, perhaps not, but regardless it does go to show just how upside down my mind can get. I'm glad I have this board and my other support networks to help - we can't do it alone.
Ringside
While I did have moments in my drinking career that could be described as carefree and fun, and I do sometimes miss where I used to live, the daydream did not include the crushing depression, anxiety, loneliness, and spiritual emptiness that came with drinking. Or the inevitable financial and physical catastrophes that were heading my way. When I finally gave up my fight with alcohol I was a wreck, and it is a condition I will never, ever go back to.
I've shared this with my sponsor, and I'm in no real danger of actually doing something as unbelievably stupid as this, but I wanted to share it with people here. Perhaps someone can identify, perhaps not, but regardless it does go to show just how upside down my mind can get. I'm glad I have this board and my other support networks to help - we can't do it alone.
Ringside
I can certainly relate… it is crazy how the alcoholic mind works.. after obtaining some sober time I magically forget all the horrible things the booze has done to me, and I obsess over the good times..
when I drink, bad **** happens… I have tested this theory many times, but it always ends up being correct.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2021
Location: Canada
Posts: 400
Yup, we forget pain over time. In the big picture this is a good thing, but it's not good for us. This is something that's gotten me more times than I want to think about, but I try hard not to forget. Thanks for the reminder @Ringside
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,539
I used to imagine myself down the beach sitting in a hip bar drinking bloody Mary's. I've got a tan too, Mizz.
White wine in the sun.
Next minute I'm in an episode of Bondi Rescue. So much for that fantasy!
Life pretty sucks at the moment, but I know to the bottom of my heart, and in my own little cotton sox, that drinking would make it a million times worse. It's good, as well, to face the hard times with integrity. Dignity. The loss of which would destroy me.
Sober is so much better.
White wine in the sun.
Next minute I'm in an episode of Bondi Rescue. So much for that fantasy!
Life pretty sucks at the moment, but I know to the bottom of my heart, and in my own little cotton sox, that drinking would make it a million times worse. It's good, as well, to face the hard times with integrity. Dignity. The loss of which would destroy me.
Sober is so much better.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 2,426
Romanticizing a drink or two during celebratory times is really the only scenario that my dirty little AV tries these days. Weddings, holidays, graduations, birthdays. It is such a great strategy because of course it would only be a few drinks a few times a year right?
So I spend some extra time planning for those events and, at least thus far, the act of planning ahead a bit seems to be what my head needs to snap out of it, and enjoy those times sober. Special occasions are so much more fun sober than they ever were drunk. In truth, I used to ruin celebratory times for everyone around me.
So I spend some extra time planning for those events and, at least thus far, the act of planning ahead a bit seems to be what my head needs to snap out of it, and enjoy those times sober. Special occasions are so much more fun sober than they ever were drunk. In truth, I used to ruin celebratory times for everyone around me.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,154
Romanticizing the drink never went away for me, although it's rare and fleeting when it happens now, but it is essentially the same romanticizing that began each evenings repeat of the evening before when I drank. It was me getting ready to unwind after work with a sophisticated drink like a normal adult. It was an anticipation of one or two drinks and an evening of relaxation and enjoyment that always ended up with the drudgery of remorseful heavy drinking.
I understand why many people drink after years of sobriety. There is nothing about that first drink that feels mischievous or inappropriate. It's all done with the best intentions and the anticipation of the control we must surely have now that we've been sober for so long.
I'm sure there are other reasons (excuses) people use to relapse. However, I wouldn't categorize those intentions as romanticizing, but more like self destructive.
I understand why many people drink after years of sobriety. There is nothing about that first drink that feels mischievous or inappropriate. It's all done with the best intentions and the anticipation of the control we must surely have now that we've been sober for so long.
I'm sure there are other reasons (excuses) people use to relapse. However, I wouldn't categorize those intentions as romanticizing, but more like self destructive.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 710
Originally Posted by Ringside
Hello everyone - I am a little more than three years sober, and recently had an interesting moment of romanticizing my previous life when I lived as an active alcoholic in a big city. This "daydream" involved selling my house I have worked so hard on, leaving my wife, dog, and family, and moving back to said city and essentially living out my days getting drunk and living in a small apartment. I would have a small budget, get drunk, and hang around the city and work enough to afford booze and a roof over my head and hopefully pick up the occasional woman at the bar. Carefree and fun in a beautiful, unique, and interesting place - my second home.
Ringside
Ringside
Your alcoholic voice knows at least that you are not craving 'one' drink, the responsible scenario Dryguy is portraying. You know this is the real outcome and the craving is such that you are not only accepting it in your imagination, but almost savouring it as something good. Even without the depression, anxiety, etc. any non-alcoholic person would find the scenario quite boring and horrible.
Because I totally get this, the message made me think a lot since I read it yesterday. Thanks for sharing
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London, England
Posts: 7,057
My AV is very honest with me. Any thoughts of drinking I have are not for a nice social glass of wine, never have been really. They are for a very large bottle of vodka to get absolutely blottoed. It scares me that I still consider it when things get tough. A last resort option but the thought doesn't go and I do wonder if one day things will get so bad that I will be pushed over the edge and do it.
I hate being an addict, it messes with my mind everyday.
I hate being an addict, it messes with my mind everyday.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2021
Location: Central NC
Posts: 205
I was just thinking about one thing that has occasionally triggered me to romanticize the drink. I love old movies. They did everything in style back then, including getting sloshed. Never mind that I already tried "drinking in style" many times just to end up a regular old sloppy drunk yet again. The fact that I am so hyper-conscious of the presence of booze in those old movies in and of itself indicates a problem.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 3,987
Originally Posted by KAD65
I was just thinking about one thing that has occasionally triggered me to romanticize the drink. I love old movies. They did everything in style back then, including getting sloshed. Never mind that I already tried "drinking in style" many times just to end up a regular old sloppy drunk yet again. The fact that I am so hyper-conscious of the presence of booze in those old movies in and of itself indicates a problem.
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Join Date: Sep 2021
Location: Central NC
Posts: 205
Originally Posted by Leshar
Hi KAD, just visualize that scene in the James Cagney movie "Public Enemy" where he is hungover and at breakfast pushes the grapefruit into his wife's face. Hardly stylish! ( and downright abusive too).
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