Day 8 - a wobble about what is right for me !
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 870
Day 8 - a wobble about what is right for me !
Sorry to go on about this but I’m still so stressed by the non molestation order I need to renew against my son. Yesterday his father sort of convinced me all would be fine if I DIDN’T renew it and that our son was now working so financially independent and thus not likely to abuse me financially or in any other way. (His father is from a developing country and has no knowledge really of what a non-mol means… and prefers negotiation and eventual peace and quiet - for him, not me !). For a split second I kind of believed him but then tellingly couldn’t bring myself to inform any of my friends that I might drop it as they would all be horrified. Also told my therapist who said ‘well I can’t tell you what to do’ and then proceeded to give me about ten reasons as to why dropping it is an awful idea !! :-) So I’m back on track and will submit it early next week. I’m taking a break from writing it this weekend and instead got a guy out to repair my dishwasher who charged a £147 call out fee to fix a bit of sealant !!! But anyway, off to make supper : Tamerind salmon, mango salsa and coconut rice ! No urge to drink but ever vigilant !
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,414
It strikes me that you having the order in place means your ex is now having to take on more responsibility / interaction with your son.
Rather convenient for him for you to step back into taking on part or all of that role on again if you don’t renew the order, isn’t it?
Your friends have your best interests at heart—he may be thinking of his own. You need time and space to heal and recover from the previous hurts. When you are healthier and stronger in sobriety, things can be rearranged.
Right now you are just getting some rest and reoriented.
It’s OK to take care of you for awhile. . .
Rather convenient for him for you to step back into taking on part or all of that role on again if you don’t renew the order, isn’t it?
Your friends have your best interests at heart—he may be thinking of his own. You need time and space to heal and recover from the previous hurts. When you are healthier and stronger in sobriety, things can be rearranged.
Right now you are just getting some rest and reoriented.
It’s OK to take care of you for awhile. . .
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Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 2,426
When you hear a few years of such reports of increasing stability, financial independence, a consistent work habit and otherwise good behavior, I think then would be a good time to revisit things. Until then, keep protecting yourself like you are now ICDT. I'm glad you are going to file for renewal of the current order.
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
Ican, I think Hawkeye could be right. Your ex is now having to listen to your son and he would probably be glad if you took over. As you said, he's not aware of what the order entails and how much you have suffered.
I think the sooner you get the order finished and over with, you will feel more at peace.
Good job of staying strong.
I think the sooner you get the order finished and over with, you will feel more at peace.
Good job of staying strong.
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