Alpine

Good morning, cruising along with the start of day 14, still very very focused. I am still trying to process the whys of my drinking.(I did get that book several of you mentioned) It was SO not me in any form whatsoever. It made me less patient with myself, other people, and activities. When not drinking I tend to be an overly patient person, calm and level headed. I have read back on texts I sent to people that I sent after I had drank a fair amount and what I texted did not sound like me at all. Highly embarrassing and disgraceful. I know I can't take back those texts but I CAN move forward and ensure it does not happen again. Mr. Alpine mentioned that the drunk Alpine was not the person he married, nor the person he wanted to spend time with so he started to distance himself from me which spiraled me down further. He only just mentioned this a few months ago. I was getting so lonely even though we were still in the same room together. He is saying I am back to the person he loves and married. That is motivation enough to keep on the right path along with how I am feeling physically and mentally.
Today is a beautiful day and every day I do not drink is wonderful and a gift.

Mizz

I can relate to the texting. I still cringe at the thought of what I may have texted or said. I cringe at a lot of my drunken behavior. Good thing I evicted the messy drunk version of myself! Good thing you have said Goodbye to the intoxicated self and have more clarity and health!

Its not fun when we are faced with what our drinking has done, or when people let us know how affected they were. Its just not what we ever wanted to do but alcoholism truly has its own life. You are doing so well and will continue to do well, Alpine. Recovering and moving forward. Sobriety for a lot of us has not been linear. It wasn't for me. I don't think I am unique there. Keep moving forward with positive growth knowing you have changed your life. You have! Its all UP from here in many many ways.

Be123

I am here today and I think I'm going crazy. My ex has a new partner - that shouldn't be a problem as we've both moved on and I really don't care for her anymore. But can I stop thinking about it? When did they get together? What's he like? Etc etc and on and on

It's doing my head in I just want to forget it and move on. Luckily no chance of me drinking on it today

biminiblue

Ah. Ego. I've been there: drinking and the awakening of the me-mememe-ME and the need for control. Just so you know? You're going to be okay. Stay away from the alcohol and your brain will heal. BUT if you go back all your ruminations, fears, obsessions and misery is refunded. I called it Spinny Brain and it's awful to have no ability to calm my own mind.

I remember you talking about your ability to drink, "responsibly." I'll wager you wish you hadn't made that choice.

One day at a time

Alpine

Hi Be!
Just got back from helping my Mom which sometimes triggers me, especially if I already had a drink or had something the previous night as it put me on edge. I did my Mom's shopping, put her things away and did some cleaning with a clear mind, heart, and plenty of patience. I wish I could take pictures of my thought process so I could remember these moments often of the non drunk Alpine. I will have to start to write all of this down. This is one of the main reasons why I am writing here. I just need to sort all of this out of my mind and put it away but not forgotten because then I am afraid I may become complacent. I was thinking.
Everyone here on SR has been so helpful. I am grateful to have found it.

fishkiller

Glad you are back Bee!

I have been where you are and all I can say is time will heal.
It's hard. I made it especially hard because I continued to drink through it.
Don't be like I was.
Stay Strong man

fishkiller

Good Work on Day14!

Hevyn

Day 14 - fantastic.
Alpine I certainly can relate to what you said about the personality change. The drunk Hev is nothing like the real me. I become confrontational, obnoxious, reckless. I can't believe I ever thought it was enhancing my life in any way. I' m so thankful we're free of it.

Alpine

Just checking in. the av started to squeak a bit but I shoved it away. Another av bites the dust. Bye bye. In the words of Yoda, There is no try, there is only do.
Happy day, night, and life everyone.

Anna

I'm glad you're doing well, Alpine. My husband said pretty much the same thing about me when I was drinking. I was in denial about how much I changed when I was drinking. And, it was the loneliest time of my life. I'm glad that things are going well for you now.

least

Good for you Alpine! Push it away. It's just a thought.

Canadian Koala

Keep the good work Alpine!
Happy day, night, and life to you too

Alpine

Day 14 is in the books, Woot woot, and I am hanging tough. Today I thought about a dear friend of mine that died several years ago in a terrible accident. She was always my superwoman, she was beyond strong both physically and emotionally. She was always so positive. While rock climbing, alpine climbing, yo yo skiing or whatever we were doing and it was getting physically taxing she always said to put a fun song in my head like "Do the hustle". I did that today when av spoke, it made me smile with that song and the av blew away. Gosh I miss her.
Life is good! See you all tomorrow, I am off to talk with Mr. Alpine.

Alpine

The av is just a whisper this morning and nonexistent last night when I woke up. Doing well this morning and happy to have another sober day ahead of me. I have Riley next to me an he is snoring away.
The drinking I did was the stupidest thing I have ever ever done. I knew better but somehow, I still went down that path. I used to have a rotation of liquor stores I would go to so they would not think I had a drinking problem..Who was I kidding...Just myself. I had the song Put one Foot in Front of the Other in my head last night. Fitting for me.If you want to change your direction
If your time of life is at hand
Well don't be the rule, be the exception
A good way to start is to stand.

Have a wonderful day everyone! I am planning on it.

Free2bme888

Happy day 15!


Wanted to share my daughters copyrighted photo. It used to be my avatar here.

We have a choice!

I’m glad you are choosing to save yourself physically, mentally, and spiritually.

im super glad you are saving your marriage. He sounds like a wonderful man, who has the capacity to forgive.

What gifts you have the universe sent!


Thanks for sharing about your friend. Great advice !

ill use that trick when the dr is cutting up my hand next week. « Stayin’ alive, stayin’ alive! I I I I’m stayIN’ ALLLLLIIIIIVVVEEEE……… »

❤️🤓


you got this

ODAAT

Alpine

Mr. Alpine and I have made our fair share of mistakes but we both are highly committed to each other. Heck we have known each other since the mid 80s. Yes, I am very lucky to have him in my life. I actually have had to forgive him for things as well with certain not so fun situations. This has made our relationship that much stronger.
Stupid av is back a bit..both in a physical and mental way. I keep pushing it away and have been keeping myself busy which is helping. I just wish I didn't drink while I was pretty much doing everything..cooking, sewing..etc. I need to brake that mindset. I have also been working hard on being positive, I have always had a low self-esteem and feelings of self-worth. My new motto should be live life like Riley..He has gone through so much be he lives in the present and is such a happy little guy.
Off to drink some water.
Have a lovely rest of the day/night and see you when I see you.

Alpine

Free, that is a great song to have in your head!!

Alpine

Happy day everyone!! Doing well here in my little corner of the world, Riley had a bit of a rough start but starting to feel better.
Ramblings: I was thinking back on the several times I failed at sobriety..I figured after a few weeks of drinking I was good to go and took it on as a challenge that I could just have one drink be good. Well we all know where that leads..It leads to just one more, then one more then..well might as well keep going at this rate. Then the aftermath of it all..feeling sick, frustrated, depressed, anxious, miserable, dizzy, the list could go on and on. I know I have said the above before, I just need to keep writing it down as a reminder for where I was.

I hope everyone is doing well and having a great day!
If I can remember as you know I am ending my post with a positive, I am now going to add a positive word just to keep me focused. You will just have to deal with it. LOL

Courage

fishkiller

My oldest fur baby was not feeling well this morning either. He just followed me around and looked sad. Gonna keep an eye on him.

Your are doing Work!

Strength

least

Prayers that Riley feels better soon.